


There's Worse Company I Suppose

by sarahunter123



Series: Rowan and Cullen Series [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2019-10-28 00:52:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 49
Words: 45,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17777435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahunter123/pseuds/sarahunter123
Summary: *Title Change! Formerly Nothing Surprises Me Anymore*When Inquisitor Trevelyan learns that the enemy is actively trying to find his sister to use as bait, he quickly sends the nearest and trusted advisor to bring her to the safety of Skyhold......Commander Cullen has dealings in Fereldan. He is only supposed to be gone for a few days with a small handful of soldiers and scouts. Then he gets a request from the Inquisitor.... well not so much a request but a kindly worded order that he'd better follow...... bring back the Inquisitor's sister, no matter how much of a fight she puts up.





	1. Chapter 1

     "Commander Cullen! Report for you sir!"

Cullen Rutherford pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed.  His head was pounding and the damned scouts always seemed to pop up at the worst times. 

He had hoped his headaches would lessen with a few days away from Skyhold while he oversaw some military outpost revisions in Fereldan. He forgot that even outside Skyhold, Scout Jim was always around.

"Report Jim" 

"A message from the Inquisitor sir! I'm told it's urgent ". 

Cullen grabbed the report and quickly began reading. What he read... well it wasn't what he expected when he heard "urgent".

" _Commander Cullen,_

_I hope the warmer parts of Fereldan are doing you some good. Of course 'warmer parts of Fereldan ' are still cold by any Free Marchers standards. How do you people stand it?_

_Believe it or not, the point of this letter is to tell you some urgent and important news. Leliana has discovered a plot of the most unpleasant kind. My dear and most beloved sister seems to be a target of our enemy. Both Venatori and Red Templars are hunting her. If captured she could be used against us in a number of ways. She is a powerful mage Commander.  A power that I have never seen in anyone else. Her magic is....unique.  She is also a highly trained rogue (we trained together afterall)._

_What I fear most is her torture.  I would not stand for a single moment of pain inflicted on her because of me. I would offer myself to Corypheus if it meant saving her life._

_Cullen, she has sacrificed more for me than I could ever repay. She must be brought to the safety of Skyhold immediately.  She is not far from your current location.  She will not go with you easily. She has so far refused my...invitation.  See that she realizes she has no option.  She loves her freedom and will not go with you easily.  I look forward to welcoming you BOTH to Skyhold soon._

_Regards,_

_Inquisitor Trevelyan._


	2. Rowan

     Rowan threw the letter into the fire. It was the 3rd one she'd received from her brother. He was desperate to get her within the walls of his fortress.  As if she needed protection! She'd been on her own for years and the last thing she wanted to do was hand herself over to the Inquisition which was crawling with Templars,  Seekers, and chantry fanatics.  Her brother was none of these things,  and yes, he was the Inquisitor.  But she trusted nobody below him. How easy would it be for him to replaced? Overthrown? The whole thing sounded like a trap waiting to happen.

     Rowan tugged on a stubborn curl that wouldn't behave atop her short cropped hair. She studied herself in the small mirror she carried. 30 years hadn't shown the slightest across her face. Her Elvish half was to thank for that. Rowan was a bit of a special case. Humans who were elf-blooded didn't have any indications of their Elf heritage in their physical appearance.  Rowan was similar in size to human women. But her ears, although not as long and pointed as elves, still came to a point.

     She finished readying herself for the day and walked down the inn's stairs. She had been staying in a small room at the inn for at least two months now. With the tear in the sky and a mage/templar war raging, people weren't exactly in the mood for traveling.  The inn's nightly rates were low and gave Rowan a nice break from camping in the woods.

     She quickly had a piece of bread and butter and was on her way to start her daily activities.  She had become something of a healer in the local area. There were many refugees making their way across Fereldan who were in need of healing. She took a job under Honneleath's healer.  Rowan traveled outside the town to help the overwhelmed healer tend to patients. When this didn't keep enough coin in Rowan's purse, she took more dangerous jobs. She was an excellent spy when she needed to be. Rowan developed many skills over the years in order to survive and many of those skills still served her well.

     It was these very skills that saved her one week prior. She had been making her way back to the inn when she realized everything around her was too quiet. Suddenly her magic sensed something strong. She withdrew her daggers in time to deflect a barrage of fireballs being cast her way. 3 Venatori mages ambushed her on the path. She channeled her magic through her daggers and they quickly cut, shocked, and burnt their way through the enemy. Her brother had warned her of these cultists who were seeking her. She had disposed of them easily enough. Just more proof that she was fully capable of fending for herself. 

     Rowan tended to her usual patients and when the sun had made its way to the other side of the sky she began the journey back to the inn. A bowl of hot soup and an ale were calling her name.

                ********************************

 

     Cullen had been waiting at the inn for two hours waiting for this blasted woman to return. The inn keeper had assured him repeatedly she would be back before night fall. He sighed and drank deeply from the ale the bar keep had given him. He was nervous about meeting the Inquisitor's sister. From what he could gather, he may have some serious convincing to do to get her to leave with him. Maker why didn't the Inquisitor send Josephine or even Leliana? Yes he was only a days ride away but he wasn't exactly the person you send in for a situation like this.  _If she's too much trouble I'll just carry the stubborn woman out of here,_ Cullen thought to himself. 

     As soon as this thought crossed his mind he heard the inn door creak open. A hooded figure stood in the door. Large dark eyes scanned the room and almost immediately spotted the Commander. And before Cullen could speak a single word, the hooded figure spun on her heel and fled.


	3. The Chase

     Cullen ran from the inn all while shouting orders to his men outside. "Stop that woman! Bring her to me unharmed!" He watched as she ran into the forest that the inn sat in front of.  _Maker if we lose her trail I'll never find her in there._ Cullen pushed himself as hard  and as fast as his body could carry him. He began to gain on her. She must have felt this because suddenly what lyrium remained in his veins sprung to life as it sensed her emerging magic. Cullen saw one of the scouts begin to cut off her path forward.  Soon she would be caught between the two. 

     Cullen began to worry she would strike with her magic and with some hesitation about his choice he called on the old practiced spells his lyrium power wielded, and drained her magic.

     "Templar FUCK!!!" She screamed.  She stopped running now and turned to face Cullen.  "No matter, I don't need magic to kill you". She withdrew two long daggers and flung herself at Cullen. He barely had time to draw his sword before she was on him. She was a flurry of strikes, elbows, kicks and punches. He deflected well but several of her punches landed.  He was trying not to hurt her but Maker she was trying him. Finally the scout reached them just as she had tripped Cullen and was atop him. He was trying to avoid her daggers when the scout crept up behind her and placed a knife to her throat. 

     She stilled immediately. Her breath was heaving and her eyes were wide.  Cullen thought sje resembled a wild animal who'd been cornered. It was after this thought passed that he realized this woman was still straddling him and he was on his back with...a bloody nose?! 

"Rowan Trevelyan,  pleasure to make your acquaintance.  I am Commander Cullen of the Inquisition.  Now, kindly get the fuck off me".

 

 


	4. Captured

     Rowan couldn't believe it. How did this man catch up with her? And how could she be so careless and forget the scout that was also gaining on her? When she felt her magic being pulled from her she only saw red. She allowed herself to fall into a blind rage and forgot her wits. Now she was straddling this templar and had a knife to her throat. 

     "Kindly get the fuck off" this templar, who was bleeding quite steadily from his nose, was mouthy. The scout helped her to her feet but never removing the knife. "Commander Cullen, pleasure to meet you. I am Rowan Trevelyan.  Now, if you would kindly fuck off and leave me be I'd appreciate it". 

   The commander brushed himself off and in two long strides stood in front of her. He was a good head taller and Rowan had to look up to meet his eyes. His stunning gold eyes. Uh oh.

     "Lady Trevelyan , I am afraid I cannot leave you be. I am under direct orders from the Inquisitor- your brother,  to bring you back to the safety of Skyhold". 

     "First of all, spare me the Lady Trevelyan shit. I am no more a lady than I am an actual Trevelyan . Secondly,  as your bloody nose can tell you, I am no damsel in distress. I take care of myself and I'll be damned to allow myself within the same walls as a bunch of templars. One who has already drained me of my magic". 

     Cullen stared her down as he wiped the blood from his nose, "ah yes, surely you know I didn't wish to hurt you as I fear the wrath of your brother and judging by how quickly you were captured I don't think you will last as long as you seem to think alone against the agents of Corypheus. Now, you can come freely, or I can take you into custody. But believe me  _Lady Trevelyan_ I will take you to Skyhold.

    Rowan met Cullen's golden gaze with a black glittering stare of her own. She smirked and he noticed how full her lips were. Uh oh. 

     Before he could think anything else Rowan Trevelyan reared her head back and in a fluid swift motion head butted Cullen right in his already bloodied nose. She superficially cut her own throat in the process as the scout's knife was still in place. But she didn't care. She just needed to get that one hit in to wipe that smug look off his  handsome face. 

     "Well Commander, I hope you are ready for my company. Lead the way". 

     Cullen groaned as he clutched his nose and saw that the blood was now pouring.  The scout's eyes were wide in shock and he made no move to offer aide to the also bleeding Trevelyan.  

     "Bind her hands and I want 3 men escorting her at all times. Two on either side, one in the back, and I will lead". Cullen stomped in front of them all and didn't speak another word for hours.

          *************************************

 

     Rowan sat near the fire trying to keep warm. She saw the Commander across the flames and he now had two black eyes thanks to his broken nose. Her hands were still bound and she was horribly uncomfortable.  Finally,  a scout lead her to her tent where the lady scout helped her into her cot. "Am I to sleep with my hands bound?" "Afraid so my Lady". The scout gave a nod and departed. Rowan suddenly felt the sharp stab of anxiety. She was in a small space,  unable to move of her own accord. She began to feel the familiar nausea of panic. "You're fine just sleep, this will be over soon" after sometime Rowan fell asleep. 

 

      Cullen was standing watch as he couldn't sleep anyways. His head was pounding from his nose and his withdraw. He was so infuriated at that woman that it took everything in him to not personally hand her over to Corypheus.  He couldn't help but smile at the thought. As he began to relax he heard a cry from Rowan's tent. Then a blood curdling scream. He was in her tent within mere seconds. She was curled into a ball hiding her face in her pillow "please I'll be good I swear it!!! Just let me go!!!" Cullen immediately realized she was having a nightmare.  He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder,  "Rowan wake up, you're dreaming". 

     Finally the wailing stopped and she turned her head and opened her eyes. "I, I'm sorry, I must've had a nightmare " she was still trembling and she was drenched in sweat. Cullen felt a pang of compassion.  "I understand more than you could know". He rubbed the back of his neck. He noticed her trying to reposition herself with her bound hands behind her back.  "My lady, I want you to know that taking you to Skyhold isn't just for your benefit.  Think for a moment of what your brother would do if you were captured? I believe without a doubt he'd walk straight into the enemies sword if it meant freeing you". 

     Rowan sat in quiet contemplation.  Finally she whispered,  "I didn't think of it that way. I will do what I must to protect my brother and his duty. Even if it means going to Skyhold ". 

"I think you'll be surprised at how likeable the people are there"

"Oh? As long as I am not silenced from my magic there will be no problems ".

Cullen sighed. "I apologize for my silencing you. I feared you were going to use magic against me"

"To be fair Commander,  I was". Rowan smirked and Cullen found himself chuckling.  

"Lady Trevelyan I would like to remove your ties, but I must have your word that you will stay. And that you won't break my nose again"

 "I promise both these things if you promise to call me Rowan".

"I can do that Rowan ".

Cullen cut her ties and Rowan smiled. "Commander,  please let me heal your nose. It will only take a second"

Cullen took a deep breath. He knew he should let her. It hurt like hell and he wanted to show her he wasn't the magic fearing templar she surely thought he was.

"Yes,  please Rowan"

Her magic came fast and powerful,  it was almost overwhelming yet strangely peaceful.  His nose tingled, then went warm and finally the pain dissipated. 

"Thank you, it feels much better now. Try not to break it tomorrow "

"Try not to piss me off tomorrow and you'll be just fine"

Cullen chuckled and bid her goodnight.  Things suddenly got interesting. 


	5. The Feel of Rain

It was never ending. The rain continued to pour out of the sky as it had been for hours. Cullen and his small envoy had taken shelter under a large overhang of a cliff. It went deep enough to set up camp, start a few fires to dry their soaked clothing, and try to get some rest. After addressing some reports that needed signing (and drying) Cullen decided to check up on Rowan. He didn't see her near any of the fires that the others had huddled themselves around.

"Scout Jim. Where is Lady Trevelyan?"

"I'm not sure sir, I haven't seen her in some time come to think of it."

"WHAT?! You didn't think this was a problem?! Pull your head out of your ass boy!!! "

"SIR! Apologies! Lady Trevelyan told me she wanted to take a walk to get some time to herself. She said she'd only be a moment or two. I didn't realize so much time had passed. "

Cullen pinched the bridge of nose and tried to steady his breathing. This blasted scout was assigned as his personal liaison between himself and Leliana but he had done nothing but drive Cullen nuts. Leliana had insisted the boy had potential and she trusted him fully with highly classified information.

"Which way did she go Jim?"

"To the right Sir, I saw her making her way up the hill".

Cullen marched into the storm to find Rowan. He silently prayed she was just out for a leisurely walk (in the rain?) and wasn't in harms way or had went back on her word and was making a stealthy escape. Maker knows she'd have one hell of a headstart if she was fleeing. As he reached the top of the hill he noticed a figure sitting in a patch of tall grass. He carefully approached the figure until he was able to see it was Rowan. She was sitting with her legs crossed as if in a mediation. Her head was thrown back, eyes closed and she was smiling?  _What in Andraste's name is she doing?_

"Lady Rowan, may I ask what you are doing out here?"

     Rowan opened her eyes and looked up at Cullen. She was absolutely soaked head to toe and had to be freezing. Yet she appeared the happiest and most at ease Cullen had seen thus far.

     "Enjoying the rain Commander. When you are not able to hear or feel it for two years, you make sure to enjoy it everytime you can."

     "I don't remember a drought in the Free Marches...." Cullen said.

     "Because there wasn't one Commander. I spent 2 years in solitary confinement in the circle. I would sometimes dream of the rain and I would desperately try to remember the way it sounded and felt. Or the way the earth would smell after the storm had passed. I promised myself that if I ever got out, I would always make time to enjoy it."

     " I-er, didn't realize you had been in a circle. Maker two years in solitary? That's unheard of! May I ask......umm...why?" This last word Cullen spoke barely above a whisper. He didn't want to pry, or make her uncomfortable, but it was so unusual to hear of such a prolonged time in solitary.  Most mages would just be made tranquil if they posed that great of a threat. 

     Rowan's gaze became distant.  As if she was no longer sitting in this storm speaking to Cullen. A brief shadow of anguish passed over her face before she finally spoke.

     "Because the circles were a fucked up place and did fucked up things as you well know. I don't wish to speak any further of it."

Cullen flinched slightly at her harsh tone. Rowan caught it and sighed deeply. "Apologies Commander. I didn't mean to lash out at you. It's just an unpleasant memory.  I shouldn't have even brought it up. Of course you would be curious to know why."

    " No apologies needed Rowan. I understand. Please let's get you back to camp before you catch the bloody plague out here. Your brother would have my head."

    Rowan laughed softly. "Of course Commander. "

"If I am to call you Rowan, then please,  call me Cullen." 

    She smiled slightly at this. "Very well Cullen. Let's go. I heard Scout Jim bragging about his stew and at this point I'll eat anything "

    "Ah Scout Jim. At least he's good for something." Cullen muttered. Rowan let out a genuine laugh at this moment of Cullen's unabashed honesty.

"He's nice! And he's been very kind to me. He is trying Cullen."

Cullen rolled his eyes with a huff. "Yes, yes, yes I suppose. There is worse company..... at least he hasn't broke my nose or anything." 

Rowan smirked and raised her perfect dark eyebrow,  "exactly,  but someone who would dare do such a thing surely sounds more interesting than someone who makes a good stew"

Cullen gave a warm smirk of his own, "I wouldn't argue with that."


	6. Sleepless

     Cullen tossed and turned in his tent. His body was exhausted but his mind wouldn't stop racing with a million thoughts. If he closed his eyes, images of Kinloch would flash before him and jolt him wide awake. If he simply stared off into the darkness of his tent, his mind drifted to Rowan.

     In over the course of just a few days, he went from wanting nothing to do with the woman to not being able to stop seeking her out. The day he found her sitting in the rain he had been struck by her enjoyment of something so mundane in Fereldan.  If he was being completely honest, he was also struck by how beautiful she looked sitting there with her head thrown back, rain pouring across her face and down her throat. Her short hair plastered across her forehead and full lips upturned into a small smile. And when she opened her eyes to look at him..... it was like looking into a clear night sky. Black with the exception of glimmer of light behind the darkness. She was stunning. 

     Cullen exhaled forcefully through his nose. She may be beautiful but she was also a bit  _wild._ This had him worried for a number of reasons. She seemed impulsive,  secretive,  and if she felt threatened,  she didn't hesitate to become violent.  She was all impulse and instinct.  She was always on survival mode. But why??? This question maybe what drove him the most crazy. He wanted to know so badly, yet how would he pose such a question? And the bottom line was, he had no right to ask. He barely knew her.

     He continued his sleepless tossing, trying not to think of his leader's sister, lyrium, or Kinloch. It was going to be a long night.

           ***************************************

     Rowan threw a pillow over her face in exasperation.  She couldn't sleep and for once it wasn't nightmares of the circle or Lord Trevelyan keeping her up. She couldn't stop thinking about the bloody COMMANDER. His _eyes,_   _Maker_ and _Creators_ his  _voice._ When she had first opened the door to the inn and saw him sitting there, she immediately knew this was a man of importance and that for better or worse, he was there for her. She didn't know if he was part of the men who'd been trying to track her as her brother had warned or if he was there to take her to her brother. She just knew she needed to get away and fast.

     She loved Max. Defending her brother from the wrath of Lord Trevelyan was what sent her to the circle. She now simply didn't want to give up her life of freedom. When she was running through the woods and felt her magic being pulled from her, she knew the 'important man' was a templar. It didn't matter which side he was on at that point. Nobody silenced Rowan and got out unscathed. 

     Once she had calmed down from their little fight, she realized he hadn't raised a single hand to her. Even as she attacked him with everything she had, made him bleed, _broke_ _his_ _nose_ for Maker's sake! He only defended himself as best as he could from her strikes. How curious.... 

     Then he personally came searching for her when she'd lost track of time... that smirk he'd have on his face when he thought something was amusing. What truly stood out to Rowan however,  was that he let her use her magic to heal his nose. He seemed visibly shaken at the suggestion but allowed it anyways. He wanted her to feel comfortable... maybe accepted?  _Or maybe you read too much into things and he simply wanted his handsome nose put back together._ Rowan huffed at herself. Finally she decided to get up and walk around. She was only getting frustrated laying there, maybe a small walk would do her some good.....

        *******************************************

 

     Rowan padded across the soft grass in her bare feet. Being a half blood elf gave her extra resistance to the outside elements and she felt more comfortable with no shoes. She would wear boots while traveling in case of encountering an enemy or bandits for the added protection.  Fighting someone with a broken foot wasn't fun. 

     She crossed the small encampment and nodded to the scouts who were on their lookout shift. She climbed the small hill to overview the field that lay on the otherside. When she reached the top, she saw she wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep.

    "A little late to be up,  isn't it Cullen?"

Cullen turned to look at Rowan. He was only wearing a long tunic with a pair of black trousers and boots. She hadn't seen him without his armor. _Good_ _Gods_ he was magnificent.  

     Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, "I uh, sometimes have trouble sleeping" then with added confidence he said, "I  _could_ say the same for you my lady. Surely you need your rest? You'll be seeing your brother tomorrow and I'm sure he'll have a grand feast in your honor if I know he and the ambassador as I well as I think I do." 

"Uughhhhh, please don't tell me Max still loves entertaining the elite and noble of Thedas with ridiculous parties. Give me a night in an old tavern instead."

     Cullen laughed, " oh he loves his parties alright. And now he has nobles all across Thedas begging for an invitation.  I personally, try to hide out in my tower and avoid all the fun."

     "Well, I hope you won't mind me joining you because I will be. You can hide me in a closet or something if you do."

     "I wouldn't mind at all" Cullen said softly. It was dark, but Rowan thought she saw a blush across his cheeks. He again rubbed the back of his neck and turned back around to view the field of rolling grass now dark and shadowed under the moonlight.  

     "Well, look at us. Mage and Templar war be damned. We've made peace. Perhaps there's hope for the rest." Rowan said jokingly in an effort to break the awkwardness.  

     "Actually... I am a templar no longer. I left the order when I accepted my position with the Inquisition.  And I have no desire to ever return."

Rowan stood slightly stunned. "May I ask.... why?" She said the last word softly. 

     "You said it yourself.  The circles were fucked up places that did fucked up things. I saw this, _Maker_ , I was apart of it at times. I regret so much. I am hoping my service to the Inquisition will let me atone for my actions and...... inaction" He looked saddened with this last word, and his eyes dropped to the earth below him. 

     Rowan, without thinking,  reached out and softly placed her hand on his forearm. "I admire what you're doing. Not very many people can look closely at their actions and decide they need to do better."

     Cullen smiled softly. "Thank you Rowan. Shall we walk back to camp? I can tell you about what your brother has been up to on the way back.... starting with the trouble he's having wooing a Seeker  and how he goes to a Tevinter mage for love advice on exactly how to win her affection ." 

     He offered Rowan his arm. She felt a slight heat come to her face and thanked the Maker and Creators (really ANYONE) that it was dark and the commander couldn't see the blush that had surely taken over her face.

"That sounds like Max. He never does anything the easy way. He could probably have any woman in Thedas right now but he'll go for the one who puts up a fight."

     She wound her arm in Cullen's and they walked slowly back to camp. She laughed at Cullen's stories and found herself sorry that their walk had ended so quickly. He led her to her tent and unwound his arm from hers. Before her arm could drop to her side he softly caught her hand and held it in his. 

     "I, um, thank you Rowan. I enjoyed our talk."

"As did I Cullen. Everyday you make me a little more sorry for our first meeting" she quipped with a smirk.

Cullen returned her smirk with one of his own tugging at his ridiculously handsome scar  and his amber gaze bore into her.

" Goodnight then my lady" and he placed a faint kiss on the top of her hand.

Rowan felt the world spin around her as she replied, "goodnight Cullen." 

     

     


	7. Chapter 7

     "Rowan, sweetheart, be still a moment while I fix your hair. You know Lord Trevelyan doesn't want to see your ears." 

     12 year old Rowan stopped fidgeting long enough for the her caretaker to position her hair in a low braid that covered the tips of her ears. Rowan was dressed and eager to begin her daynof training with her younger brother Max. At 6 years old he had begun training in the Rogue specialty and she was allowed to join him. 

     "There! All finished. Remember if it comes loose be sure to find me."

     Rowan lept from her chair and ran down the hall to Max's room. She found him in front of his mirror practicing his footwork with his extra small dagger. He looked so small yet the fierce look in his eye was undeniable. Rowan smiled to herself as she watched him repeat the routine. Finally she decided they best get going.

     "Max, its time to meet Brinarius. He doesn't like to be kept waiting." 

     "Alright, let's go Row!"

     Max grabbed her hand and she lead him down the stairs past the foyer.  Lord Trevelyan met them at the door.

     "Max, I trust you have practiced your footwork.  Last week was an embarrassment. I would hate to ration your food again but I will if you decide to waste everyone's time."

     Rowan spoke softly with her eyes downcast, " he did my lord. I saw him practicing at every chance he got." 

     Lord Trevelyan turned his stern gaze upon her. She didn't have to look up to feel it burning through her.

     "Ah, when did I ask you to join this conversation? This was between myself and my son. I don't remember asking his half blood lady in waiting. You would do well to remember your place girl. I like how protective you are of my dear boy, but you should remember who feeds you."

     "Rowan's my sister! Don't call her names Papa!"

The slap across young Max's face was sharp and loud. Rowan winced and felt her magic tingling at her fingertips. _You_ _must_ _have_ _control_ , _he_ _mustn't_ _know_. Max cried for only a moment and immediately stood to the fullest height his 6 year old body would allow. "Apologies my lord." He squeezed Rowan's hand as if sensing her distress. They walked out the door of the estate. Max, with renewed determination to master his skills walked ahead, Rowan always protectively behind him. 

     *********************************************

"Lady Trevelyan?!"

Rowan was pulled from her memory and realized Scout Jim was staring at her with a confused expression on his face. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you need something? I must've been lost in thought."

"I'll say! I called your name 4 times! Must've been one interesting thought. It's alright though, I just wanted to tell you we should be arriving at Skyhold in just about an hour. We sent a raven ahead so they can get your room and bath ready. It should all be prepared for your arrival my lady."

     "Thank you Jim. That's very kind and it sounds like heaven at this moment." 

Rowan gazed across the Frostbacks. They were beautiful in a brutal, freezing, ruthless kind of way. A warm bath, dinner, and seeing Max's smiling face would do her some good. She peered ahead of the envoy to sneak a peek at the commander. He was riding on his beautiful Fereldan horse. The horse has a rich mahogany with a long black main. Cullen looked every bit the part of the Commander of the Inquisition.  He must've felt her gaze because he turned in his saddle and met her eyes. They locked their gaze for a moment until he nodded, his scarred lip upturned slightly, then he turned back around. Rowan groaned inwardly.  _I'm in a lot of trouble._


	8. Reunion

     They reached the gates of Skyhold and were greeted by the sound of trumpets. Cullen, steadily walked his horse next to Rowan's.  Once they crossed over the bridge he dismounted.  In a flick of a moment he was beside her leg offering her his hand to help her dismount. "Thank you Cullen, but you do know I was raised around horses?" "Yes, but, uh, it seems only proper." As her feet touched the ground he took half a step closer and was a whisper away from her ear, "not that I am always a follower of propriety " he gave her a devilish smirk and turned abruptly to the crowd and soliders. "We have returned safely and successfully.  I present to you all, "Lady Rowan Trevelyan ." The crowd cheered and the realization of just who her brother was to these people finally hit her.

     Cullen offered his arm which Rowan accepted, and they walked up the long stiarcase to the main hall of Skyhold. "This place is massive! Max finally got his  castle." Cullen chuckled at this, "you should've seen it just a couple months ago. Its been a work in progress."  

     Finally they made their way into the main hall and she saw a massive throne at the end with none other than the Inquisitor himself sitting in its lush seat. As he saw them make their way down the hall, he lept from his throne and ran to Rowan. He wrapped his arms around her in the warmest embrace she'd felt in years.  And because this wasn't enough,  he picked her up and spun her around 3 times as the shocked nobles watched from afar.

     "ROW!!!!! Thank the Maker you're here! You have no idea how happy this makes me!" He looked at her with his beautiful green eyes, their mother's eyes, and they shone with unshed tears.

     She placed her hands on his face, "Max, why am I not suprised that you sent your  _commander_ on a mission to drag me to your  _castle?_ You mad boy, look at this place! Look at you!" More softly she added, " I am so happy you had my ass dragged here. Its incredible Max. Maker I missed you." She hugged him again. This time Max met Cullen's gaze.

     " And my favorite Commander! Cullen THANK YOU. I read the scout's reports. Rowan did you really have to put my poor commander through all that? Cullen, you are a man with patience of steel my friend."

     "I don't know if my men would agree with you Inquisitor,  but thank you. Truly, your sister and I have found some common ground." Cullen quickly met Rowan's gaze and held it just long enough for Max to catch the glimmer in Cullen's eyes. "Huh, you don't say....."

     Just then Josephine approached looking every bit of the beautiful ambassador that Scout Jim had to described to Rowan. " my Lady Trevelyan,  I am honored to make your acquaintance.  I am ambassador Josephine Montilyet. I have arranged for your room to be prepared. A dinner in your honor will be held tomorrow night. If you will follow me, I can show you to your room where a warm bath and hot meal await." 

     "Josephine plans the BEST parties Row! I hope you remember your dance steps!" Max gave her a mischievous grin, "Cullen here LOVES parties and will be happy to escort you tomorrow evening. "

"I, WHAT?! Inquisitor I have so much work that must be attended to - " "Cullen, I insist. Please don't be shy because its my sister. Only the very best to escort her tomorrow evening will do."

"Max, I am no noble flower that requires escorting anywhere. Let me remind you have how I've been living in a tent in the woods and dusty old inns for the last 10 years." To emphasize this she spun a dagger effortlessly in her hand. 

"NO arguments! I insist! Josephine  has worked hard and I won't have you two being wet blankets.  Now off with you both! Dorian and I have a wine  and scheming date to attend."

With that Max flounced off through a door that Rowan assumed led to this Dorian.

She turned to face Cullen who was nervously rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Well my dear Commander,  I suppose our plan to hide out in your tower has been spoiled."

"Yes, I see it has. Well at least we can scowl together? That is, uh, if you, um, wanted me to escort you that is."

Rowan smiled andplaced a hand on his forearm, "of course Cullen, I only like to give Max a hard time. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Cullen audibly exhaled,  " yes tomorrow,  until then Rowan, take care. Oh, and if you run into someone named Sera don't believe a thing she tells you. Same goes for Varric. And Dorian. And Bull. Just, Maker's breath, don't believe anything you hear unless it comes from Cassandra or a Mabari."

With that piece of advice he spun around and marched out of the grand hall. Josephine was waiting patiently, and brought Rowan to her room.

 


	9. Chapter 9

     Josephine walked Rowan through the door that led to the gardens. It was a lovely space that had a few people occupying its tranquil space. They walked to the far end and approached another set of stairs. Rowan's room was at the top of a newly repaired tower. It was a beautiful room. Large windows lined the wall and gave way to a breathtaking view of the Frostbacks.  A large fireplace occupied most of the wall space to the left and Rowan's bed sat aginst the wall to the right. A large soft rug sat in front of a small chaise lounge that faced the fireplace. A roaring fire greeted them. 

"This.....Maker this is lovely. But truly it is too much. I don't need, nor am I accustomed, to such extravagant quarters."

"The Inquisitor thought you might object. He made it very clear to give you only the best. And I take my orders quite seriously Lady Trevelyan." Josephine smiled and accented her remark my taping her clipboard with her quill.

    "Well at least allow me the request to call me Rowan. My mother is Lady Trevelyan. "

"Very well, in private I shall call you Rowan, in public, Lady Rowan should suffice. If you need anything at all, please do not hesitate to ask. We are honored by your presence here. Your brother has spoken so very highly of you. He also feels you will be a very valuable member of the Inquisition if you should decide to join."

Rowan arched a brow in surprise.  "I hadn't realized an offer to join was on the table."

"I'm sure Inquisitor Trevelyan will speak more of it once you are settled. "

     Josephine bid her farewell and Rowan found herself alone in the warm room. She noticed a door beside the bed. Upon entering she found a most welcome sight; a large tub filled with water. With a flick of her wrist she had the water warm and steaming. Luxurious soaps from Orlais were set out on the counter for her to choose from. She decided to go with the one that smelled of orange blossoms and a hint of sage. 

     Once she mustered the will to leave the bath, she slipped on a silk gown that was laid out for her and dined on the meat, bread, and fruits that were brought  to her. It had been many many years since she had felt so comfortable, full, and satisfied.  She slipped between the sheets of her bed and fell into a deep peaceful sleep.

              ************************************

Three steady knocks on the large wooden door startled Cullen out of his work. "Enter."

"Ah Cullen I see you've wasted no time throwing yourself into that mountain of work on your desk. Shouldn't you at least get a goodnights rest?" Max plopped down into a large chair opposite Cullen and the other side pf his desk.

"I wanted to get a head start.  I hadn't planned on being away so long and Rylen can only do so much in my absence. "

"Yes about your little mission.... well first how is your nose? I heard Rowan gave you quite the rough time." 

Cullen set down his quill and chuckled,  "indeed, she healed it once our apologies were in order."

"I should've given you more warning about her. She's very resistant to templars. I'm not sure what all you know but I can tell you the short time she spent in the circle was unpleasant to say the least thanks to Lord Trevelyan. "

"Your father?"

"Yes, you may have noticed Rowan's ears. She was an illegitimate child of my mother's before she married my father. Rowan's father was a Dalish elf. My mother's family was quite wealthy and Lord Trevelyan was the third son in his. Although she had a half blooded child, it was still a better match than the choices he had. The two families fabricated a story of a violent attack against my mother that supposedly resulted in her pregnancy and subsequent birth of Rowan. Lord Trevelyan gave her shelter, food and an education at the insistence of our mother. I'm afraid my birth only made him that much colder towards her. I suppose our mother too. Rowan was always so kind to me. My parents are very cold and sometimes cruel individuals.  She was a warmth in my life. She protected me as a boy from the wrath of my father. When her magic first emerged, only she and I knew. Then, our mother caught on. She couldn't bare the embarrassment of birthing not only a illegitimate child but now a mage. She hired a elven mage apostate to train her in secret. My father never knew."

Cullen took all this information in as best as he could. Max had always been such a wonderful listener to Cullen. Now the tables were turned as Cullen watched Max's face turn dark and shadowed. 

" I was 12 years old when my father almost beat me to death. He had struck Rowan as well and she was bleeding from her head. She had apparently saw a spell in her studies with the elven mage....a binding spell. It required blood."

"Blood magic?" Cullen went pale.

"Maker, she didn't know! She just wanted me safe! She realized she would never be able to protect me fully from that devil. So she cast the binding spell upon him. He couldn't hurt me no matter how hard he tried. Every swing, kick, shove..... it was as if the spell turned it around on him. Of course, then he knew what she was."

Cullen sat speechless. What could he say? They were being tormented by the man and she acted..... but blood magic... even if she didn't realize that's what it was....

" Rowan in her need to protect me.... forgot about herself.  Templars were summoned and she was brought to the circle.  Lord Trevelyan told them she was a violent blood mage. They tried 3 times to make her tranquil.   But everytime,  by the next day she was fully restored.  They wanted to study her, but they also feared her. She was thrown in solitary while they researched possible reasons for her tranquility immunity. " 

"Cullen, she was tortured and endured unspeakable crimes, all in order to see me safe from harm. I wanted you to know this so you could understand my insistence on protecting her."

Cullen swallowed hard. It was so much. Now he understood why Max had said in his letter that her magic was "unique ". What they both had been through...... it was terrible.  

"I understand Inquisitor.  Her selflessness is remarkable.  But it apparently runs in the family."

Max smiled at this. "I feel so much better! I was worried you'd think I had you tracking down some noble brat who refused to listen to her brother."

"No... I saw quickly she is far more than that" Cullen said softly.

This comment was not lost on Max. He smiled at Cullen and said, "careful Commander, you're a handsome man.... I won't stand for you breaking her heart." 

Cullen blushed and spat out, "Maker, Inquisitor,  I, Maker, Max, that's not what, oh by Andraste's ass, -"

Max was rolling with laughter,  "calm down Cullen I'm only joking. Besides, your children would be absolutely adorable and I always wanted to be an uncle " 

"Children?! Maker's Breath!!!" 

Max laughed and laughed as he shut the door behind him leaving Cullen wondering what just happened. 


	10. New Friends

"Oi, you must be Inky's sis, you're just as pretty as your brother but you got them nice lady bits" Rowan, with a large bite of morning biscuit in her mouth, stared at the petite blonde elf who plopped down at the table with her.

     "Um, I suppose that'd be me..... I'm Rowan" "Names Sera. Wait, your ears a bit pointy, you a elf? How's that? Inky's all human burly man and you're his elfy sis?"

     Rowan usually didn't like such personal questions, but she could immediately tell Sera wasn't asking just so she could use it against her in the future. No, the elf was just a straight shooter. " we have the same mother. But my father was Dalish."

     "Oi your mom got a lil frisky with a elfy elf did she?" Rowan couldn't help the smirk forming on her face..." I suppose she did" The conversation continued with Sera asking wildly inappropriate questions (especially for someone she'd just met) and Rowan found her quite entertaining. Sera went on to tell her about the love conquests of "Inky" and how he was clearly head over heels for the Seeker Rowan had yet to meet. "Seeker's real serious and a little scary with her big sword. But I'd get behind her anywhere " Sera waggled her brows suggestively.

     The next interesting introduction happened when Rowan stepped into the gardens. Just to the side of a lovely area of flowers a dramatic voice carried through the gardens.

"You giant Quarni brute! How dare you accuse me of cheating! I happen to be an  _expert_ at chess and you need to take your defeat gracefully.  Or do they not teach grace in the Qun?"

A beautiful man with dark features sat cross legged in a elegant velvet navy blue robe. Every hair on his head was in its place and mustache curled up to perfect points on each side. Sitting across from him was a giant Quarni who dwarfed the small chess table he sat in front of. He was rolling his eye at the man and said, "whatever you say Dorian, but I'll catch you one of these days and I'll have to punish you.... but I think that's what your hoping for. .." He added with a wink. Dorian scoffed and uncrossed and recrossed his legs. I'm not one for punishment darling, I am the sort that likes to be worshipped."

     Suddenly the men seemed to be aware of Rowan's presence.  The Quarni waved her over to the table.

     "Hey, you must the Boss' sister.  I'm the Iron Bull and this is Dorian."

     "So much for grand introductions"  Dorian muttered under his breath. "Yes I am Dorian, your brother's best and most handsome friend. Pleased to make your acquaintance my dear." He kissed her hand and gave a charming smile.

      "Pleased to meet you both. I'm Rowan. Sorry if I interrupted anything..." 

"Nonsense! You were only sparing me having to listen to this losing man's excuses"

 Bull rolled his eye again. "Its no problem.  I've been wanting to meet you. Your brother has worried non stop about you for weeks. Funny he failed to mention how pretty you are...."

Now it was Dorian's turn to roll his eyes. "Oh Maker here we go.... But you are a lovely creature I must say... but so is your brother so it comes as no surprise. " 

     Rowan sat and chatted with the two men for sometime.  She rather enjoyed herself.  Finally after a couple hours, she continued her wondering of Skyhold. She met Solas and Blackwall, both serious men yet wildly different.  She met Vivienne..... and quickly made an excuse to cut that conversation short. She spoke with Cole... or at least tried to. Having a conversation with him proved to be confusing. Varric was absolutely delightful but wrote down everything about their conversation.  Finally, she met Cassandra. She was a tall woman of at least 5'9. She had short hair  like Rowan, but beautiful sharp features. She had fair creamy skin that stood in stark contrast to her jet black hair. Her accent was beautiful and Rowan could see why her brother was so infatuated.  Most women threw themselves at his feet, Cassandra was not this kind of woman.

     She received a summons from Josephine and made her way into her office. Inside she was greeted by both Josephine and the spy master Leliana.  There they presented her with several dresses for the dinner that evening. Rowan groaned inwardly as she had tried to forget that was happening.  Leliana mentioned the emerald green dress 'accenting the commander's outfit nicely' and at the sound of his name she felt a fluttering in her stomach.  _Stop it you stupid girl._ Finally they decided on the green dress and the women informed Rowan of when to expect the dressers to come to her quarters to prepare her.

    She'd spent the last decade trying to avoid being noticed and suddenly she was to be put on display. She couldn't remember the last time she'd even worn a dress. But for the first time in years, she didn't have to worry about where she'd sleep or where her next meal was coming from. So she decided it was a fair trade.


	11. Captivity and     Escape Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the delay. Here's some more Rowan backstory for you.   
> *TRIGGER WARNING *   
> descriptions of physical abuse.

     It had started off as a typical day. 18 year old Rowan was practicing with her trainer, perfecting her footwork, her strikes and defense. Max had already finished his session and was cleaning up. 

"Very good Rowan. I've noticed improvement in your attacks. You hide your next move well." 

She smiled at her trainer. It was rare to get a compliment at the Trevelyan estate from anyone but Max.

"Thank you sir." 

She made her way into the manor and up the stairs to her room to bathe. She dressed in a soft simple dress and opened a book on ancient elven magic. She'd read it 3 times already but she was fascinated by the spells and lore. The spells in this book seemed to come easier to her. She had figured out a way to channel her magic through her daggers much in the way most mages channeled through their staff.

There was one spell that she always came back to. It would surely be considered a form of blood magic now. But this ancient spell was simply a binding spell. A way to promise an oath and be forced to keep it. The spell was something she had held on to...just in case.

Suddenly there was a crash from down the hall and shouting.  It didn't take Rowan long to identify the source. Her gut knew what it was before her mind could process it.

"Dammit Max I forbid you to see her! She's a fucking servant!" Lord Trevelyan threw Max into the wall as Rowan stood horrified in the doorway. 

"I only kissed her father! I'm not trying to marry her." Despite being limp in the floor Max could still find it in him to summon sarcasm. 

"Its not appropriate you stupid boy!" 

Rowan watched as Max was struck once, twice, then three times across the face. He was bleeding now from where his cheek had split.  

"Afraid I'll bring embarrassment to the family? Your love of drinking has done that already." 

"I'll teach you to speak to me that way. I am your father. The Lord of this house. And you will respect my wishes." 

Lord Trevelyan picked up Max only to throw him into a large mirror. He then dragged him to the wall, held him by the his collar and punched him over and over. Rowan thought he would kill him. He was a teen, but much smaller than the larger man. Max never fought back anyways.  He could never bring himself to hit his father. 

She finally had to try to stop the madness. She sprung on his back screaming "you're going to kill him! Stop! Please you have to stop!" He spun around, grabbed her by her throat and threw her to the ground. 

"Ungrateful bitch! I've given you everything and you're not even mine!" He began kicking her, Rowan curled into a ball to protect herself but she felt a rib crack and at some point his foot must have broke through because she was bleeding from her forehead and nose. 

Max now had reason to fight back. He would not let his sister be hurt by this man. He hit Lord Trevelyan hard on the side of the head. It stunned him but he quickly recovered.  He picked up a fireplace poker and began to stalk his prey into a corner screaming about how he had "given him everything and he chose a half blooded elf over his own father."

Rowan knew this was it. He'd kill one of them. She had to use her magic. Once he knew she was a mage, she'd be sent away. There would be nobody to look after Max. He'd be unprotected from his father's beatings. Her mind made up, she summoned her strength and stood up.

Her magic answered her call so easily.  Lord Trevelyan was flung like a ragdoll across the room. He looked stunned, confused, he stood, but Rowan used a force push spell and he was thrown backwards into the wall and held there with her power. His eyes went wide once he realized what was happening .

"You, you are a mage?! I should've known you elven bitch!"

Rowan picked up a shard of glass, with a steady hand, she made a cut across his cheek. She wiped his blood, then hers, and began casting the spell she knew she'd one day have to use. 

"Lord Trevelyan,  I bind you with my blood and with yours. You must take this oath or I will kill you here and now. Yes, I am a mage. And I know you will send me to a circle.  But before this happens,  you must swear you will never harm, or order someone else,  to harm Max. If you break this oath, you will die. The power of this binding is strong and ruthless.  Do you understand?"

Lord Trevelyan's chest heaved.  He was mad with fury, but he knew he had no choice if he wanted to live. "I do, and I swear it"

There was a sudden blast of black fog that circled him.  It drew out what blood it could from both Rowan and him. With that, the binding was complete.  Max was safe from his father.

Max was slumped in the floor on his side watching. Tears slid from eyes down to the floor.  He knew what she had done for him. She'd given up her freedom so that he could be free from fear and pain. She had saved him but he had lost her in the process. 

Rowan walked over to him and immediately began healing his wounds. She shushed his sobs and he clutched her already grieving her leaving. 

"Sshhh Max. Its alright now. Its over, you're safe. Its all that matters to me."

Lord Trevelyan summoned the guards into the room "watch her until the Templars arrive, she is dangerous . A blood mage." 

            *************************************

The Templars shackled her hands and feet, covered her eyes in a blindfold. She didn't see anything on the way to the tower. They had been told by Lord Trevelyan that she practiced blood magic and they took every precaution. She was brought immediately to the Knight Commander. He ordered her blindfold removed. He was a cold stern looking man. Icy blue eyes looked her over and finally he spoke, "Rowan Trevelyan,  you have been charged with practicing blood magic. You threatened the life of Lord Trevelyan.  This is an unforgivable offense against the chantry and chantry law. You are sentenced to tranquility and your sentence will be carried out immediately. "

Rowan felt her knees give away. She had known she'd be in the circle... but immediate Tranquility? She would rather death be her sentence. She licked her now dry lips and very softly said, "Knight Commander,  please, I would rather you kill me than make me tranquil." 

"Death is a sentence the Chantry orders as a last resort. We are civilized people."

Rowan was brought into a circular room with a only a chair and table. She was placed in the chair and strapped down. Her entire body shook and tears poured down her face. The Knight Commander began to speak the words of the rite as he approached her with the branding rod. She felt a sharp disconnect from the fade and as he got closer a strange numbness took over. Her tears stopped falling and her shaking body relaxed.  She felt the brand touch her forehead and then.......nothing.

"Take her to her room" the Knight Commander ordered.

          **************************************

The next morning Rowan awoke. She felt groggy and had a splitting headache.  She looked about her room and immediately panicked remembering where she was.  _Wait, Tranquils feel nothing right?_

The door to her room flew open and two Templars entered. They took one look at her and stopped dead in their tracks. Their mouths dropped and they stood frozen.

Rowan was sitting in her bed, looking exhausted. But they stood in shock because the brand on her forehead.... was gone.


	12. Josephine loves a party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jumping back to present DAI time. Cullen inwardly complains about parties. But we all like it when he does ;)

     The Inquisitor loves a celebration. Add in Josephine and it takes celebration to whole other level. Cullen stomped through Skyhold while occasionally rolling his eyes and even face palming a few times. Festive banners and streamers were everywhere.  Various colored flower petals were strewn all over the floor. Rich, velvet drapes lined the walls of the main hall.  Candles in every nook and cranny.  

 _Josephine loves a party but this is ridiculous_ Cullen grumbled to himself. Then, the worst part... returning to his tower to a room full of official Inquisition dressers, and Dorian, who nominated himself to be the "Official Inquisition Dresser Inspector." They presented Cullen with two uniforms,  neither "shiny pieces of metal" as Dorian liked to call his armor.  The first uniform was a rich red coat with blue accents and the second a deep chocolate brown with touches of emerald green and gold accents.  Matching trousers and black boots finished the ensemble.  Dorian made his favorite known immediately. 

" I say, the gold in this sets your eyes aflame darling, do wear this little number tonight. " 

"Is that your  _official_ suggestion or are you telling me to wear this one?" 

"Someone woke up on the sassy side of bed this morning! It's alright, I like you a little fiesty my dear Commander." Dorian added a wink and Cullen blushed with embarrassment.  He should know better than to get in a verbal spar with Dorian.  

"Now, dress in this uniform,  be your charming handsome self, and be every bit the prince charming the Orlesians think you are" 

"What?!"

Dorian laughed as he swaggered out the door " Oh Cullen you oblivious Fereldan " and he shut the door behind him.

Cullen rubbed his temples, he had a headache and it wasn't even noon. 

"Commander Cullen!"

Scout Jim. Maker the boy always popped up out of nowhere and seemed to scream his arrival.  His sudden announcement almost made Cullen visibly jump.

"What?!!" Cullen growled.  Jim winced and replied,  "Ambassador Josephine wishes to speak with you sir, as soon as possible.  Or, er, now, to be exact." 

"Thank you Jim" Cullen sighed and made his to Josephine's office.  

She was a flurry of skirts, giving orders to a line of cooks, servers, and decorators.  Everyone was at full attention.   _Maker I should these people into battle... so bloody focused._

"Ah Commander Cullen!" Josephine greeted him with her signature warm smile. 

"Ambassador,  you sent for me?" 

"Yes, Cullen tonight you are to act as Lady Rowan's official escort.  You must enter the main hall with her, dance with her, and dine next to her. Remember all of the appropriate etiquette rules and try not to look miserable. The nobility will be watching every movement and expression. " 

It took everything Cullen had not to roll his eyes to the back of his head. The nobility could watch the zero fucks he gave about their opinions as far as he was concerned.  But he knew better to cross Josephine.  

"I am aware of my duties tonight but surely someone else would better suit this role? Dorian perhaps? If the Inquisitor wishes to honor my help he can do so by letting me work in peace."

"Cullen, this is more than just honoring your success in locating his sister. " Josephine sighed and sat behind her desk. "Lady Rowan, is nobility whether she claims it or not. In addition to this, she is the  _Inquisitor's sister._ Marriage proposals will begin flooding in soon enough. She has a very.... peculiar past. One thst Leliana is still investigating.  We do not want any nobility thinking they even have a chance at marriage because we risk them discovering something damning. However,  if they see you two together,  and with a few well placed remarks and comments,  and with the obvious chemistry between you two... it may squash the idea of a marriage for alliance before the idea takes off."

Cullen stood slightly stunned.  He should've known there was more to all of this. Max was a master of the Game as was Josie and Leliana.  Of course there was more riding on tonight than a simple celebration.  

"So you're hoping to convince the nobility that Lady Rowan and I have struck up a romance? Does she know this? Has anyone bothered to tell her?"

Josie let out a small laugh,  "Max tells me Rowan is very privy to The Game. She's no rookie. I'm sure she has some inkling. Regardless,  the main point of this evening is to celebrate her arrival to Skyhold, her safety, and her alliance with the Inquisition. Max tells us she is quite the powerful and unique mage. Her assistance is greatly welcomed. " 

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. There was no point in arguing or complaining. "Very well Josie. I shall see you this evening. But if I have to dance with someone in a mask I'm feigning food poisoning. " 


	13. All Eyes On You

      Dorian sat down his empty glass of champagne and clapped his hands, "ah now a final touch!" He placed a beautiful gold headpiece around Rowan's  head. The delicate gold chains hung loose around her head and there was an occasional golden leaf to link them together.  This, along with her long, flowing green gown with delicate straps that wrapped around her neck and bared her shoulders, made her look like some goddess of the forest. Her large dark eyes were lined and smudged with kohl and lips stained a pretty berry shade. Her short cropped hair was messy but soft and added a wild, unkept look about her.   _I've outdone myself this time_ Dorian thought wistfully as he took in his masterpiece. 

     Rowan stared at her reflection in a daze. Was this really her? It was only a couple weeks ago she was staying in that dusty old inn, which  up to that point was a luxury. Only a few weeks prior to that she had been in the woods camping in a tent trying to stay warm. Her life had always been full of twists and turns but this was one of the most unexpected she'd encountered so far. 

     "Dorian, I haven't felt this beautiful..... well ever. Thank you. Truly you have a gift." 

"Of course I do darling but I had a beautiful canvas to begin with." He kissed her hand and bowed dramatically.  Rowan giggled at his theatrics. "I just wish I didn't have to spend the evening around all these people."

"Now you're sounding more like our Commander my girl. Speaking of which...." Dorian cocked a brow, "I have a feeling he is going to look absolutely  _dashing_ tonight. Do try to keep yourself from ravishing him on the dance floor in front of the nobles."

Rowan felt a flush to her cheeks, "Dorian! Maker and Creators I am not -" a knock on the door interrupted whatever Rowan was trying to spit out. 

"Lady Rowan, the festivities have begun, the Inquisitor,  Ambassador,  Sister Nightingale,  and the Commander wish to speak with you in the war room before you make your entrance with the Commander."

Dorian shooed Rowan to the door, "remember what I said darling! He's handsome but we can't have you creating a scandal so soon!" Rowan groaned and rolled her eyes as she made her way to the war room.

 

     She entered through a side door away from the main hall. A door led to Josephine's office, then to the war room. All of the advisors and Max were present. Josie had on a lovely gold gown with perfect ruby lips. Leliana wore a simple elegant black gown with a purple hooded cape over it. Max looked handsome with a striking black jacket with small gold embellishments.  Her eyes though were locked on Cullen.

     He was the most handsome man she'd ever seen. There just no getting around it. The dark brown complimented his gold eyes perfectly.  The green details matched her dress and they looked like they had been made for each other. The outfits that is. He wasn't in his armor and she was able to see the strong but lean body that lay hidden from sight most of time. Dorian's advice might be harder to follow than she originally thought.

     Cullen was equally taken aback by Rowan. Although he had thought her pretty before, and found himself intrigued by her.... tonight she looked otherworldly.  She could have been a fairy from the myths he'd read about as a child. He couldn't tear his gaze from her.

     Max was the first to break the now awkward silence. "Well sister don't you look incredible! Dorian really is a talented man isn't he? What do you think Cullen? Is my sister up to your standards this evening? "

Cullen felt his cheecks get hot and he knew he had to be visibly blushing, he stammered, "I, of course, she has always been up to my standards,  not that my standards are anything special,  not to say that they're low, - maker's breath, Lady Rowan you look lovely, truly you do."

Rowan smiled ,"thank you Commander, you look quite handsome. As do you Max. But I'm sure you already know that" she added drily.  

"Ha! Of course I know! I just hope a certain Seeker notices."

Josephine politely cleared her throat before speaking,  " Lady Rowan, it is my understanding that it has been many years since you have been around nobility.  Do you have any questions or concerns before entering?"

"My dear advisors,  although Row here likes to reject her noble training and lessons, I think you will be in awe of how she can flip a switch and woo a crowd. She has a gift, she just hates to use it, unlike myself. The more attention the better I say." Max gave a mischievous grin and winked at his small audience.  

Rowan rolled her eyes at his flamboyance.  "Max your need for attention has only grown larger with age. Josephine I believe I remember my lessons and I think I'll be fine. I am no fan of The Game, and small pointless chatter makes me want to strangle someone,  I also despise people who pry. But its nothing I haven't dealt with before."

"Wonderful,  then let us begin" Josephine said. Her and Leliana each took an arm on either side of Max and he escorted them to the main hall. Rowan and Cullen were left to follow. 

     Cullen rubbed the back of his neck before offering his arm, "I suppose we should make our grand entrance " he said somewhat sarcastically.  

Rowan took his arm and noted how strong it felt. "Yes I suppose we should. Its a shame really.... I was hoping to speak with you tonight. " 

Cullen, slightly confused said, " why wouldn't you be able to?" 

Rowan smirked and cocked a brow. The doors to the main hall slowly opened, her posture straightened,  her head held slightly higher and Cullen knew this was her switch turning on just as Max had said.

"Because looking the way you do, I'll be spending the night beating off these noble women with a stick." 

Cullen was taken aback by her comment. She really thought he was that good looking? And did she not have a mirror?

"As long as you don't break anyone's nose tonight, I have no issue with what you do. But I must say, all eyes will be on you tonight..." the doors were open now and they walked into the main hall, Cullen added just before they were announced, 

* * *

"including mine." 


	14. Chapter 14

_Introducing Lady Rowan Trevelyan and Commander Cullen Rutherford!_

The crowd cheered and toasted as Cullen and Rowan made their way to the throne where Max sat. On each side of the throne stood Leliana and Josephine. Cullen and Rowan both bowed to the Inquisitor, to which he immediately stood and pulled Rowan into an embrace. "My sister bows to no man!" He exclaimed. The crowd applauded and happy cheers rang out through the hall.  _These people must already be drunk_ Rowan thought to herself. She didn't understand the big deal. But, since the Inquisitor made her arrival a celebration,  all these nobles of course jumped on board. 

     Cullen kept a firm grip on her arm as if trying to shield her from the curious stares and whispers. Almost immediately they could both hear, " _I say! Her ears are pointed!" "Is she elvish?"_

     Then there were the stares that made Rowan truly squirm. Men's stares lingering too long on her, their gaze trailing her body up and down. Cullen noticed as well, although he tried to keep his composure.  She was certainly not his. They hardly knew one another. Nevertheless,  the unwelcome stares set his blood boiling. 

    Rowan's mind was overwhelmed.  Spending the last 10 years in hiding and now she was on full display for the world to see. Her mind drifted to the most pleasant distraction it could think of.... _"including mine"_... Cullen's words burned into her memory and everytime she heard that smooth voice she had to remind herself to breath. 

     " Lady Rowan! Tis a pleasure to meet the Inquisitor's sister!" A noble man in purple tights bowed and took her hand. He kissed the top then flashed her wink. "What a wonderful surprise to see the striking looks of the Inquisitor runs through the family.... that is to say...at least  _one_ side of the family?" Rowan did not miss the implication but it did not bother her. She had cut all of her hair off because she refused to hide who she really was like her "father" had made her do all those years. "Thank you my lord. My mother was a beautiful woman indeed. A beauty that I'm afraid neither myself or my brother could possibly compare to." Cullen almost huffed at this  _I sincerely doubt that_ he thought to himself. Rowan looked stunning and more importantly she looked  _different_.  Sure there were beautiful women all around Skyhold but not one looked as distinct or timeless as Rowan. 

     "Commander Cullen! You look marvelous! You simply must retell a story of one of your heroic battles before the night is through!" A woman with blonde hair piled atop her head said. She wore a incredibly extravagant gown that pushed her breasts up so high they almost hit her chin. Rowan had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. She was pretty....dammit. 

     Finally the time for dinner came and everyone sat around the tables. Cullen and Rowan were sat across Leliana and Josephine.  Max sat at the head of the table. Cullen sat next to Max while Rowan sat between Dorian and Cullen. Dorian began telling her about Tevinter parties and his wild memories of people splashing aound the courtyard fountain naked. Rowan found herself laughing more than she had in years. 

     Finally, a few seats down Lord Buchand spoke, "I must ask Inquisitor,  do you have elven blood or is it only your sister?" A hush fell over the table. The other tables were so loud they didn't hear the uncomfortable question being asked. 

"Only my sister Lord Buchand. We share the same mother but not the same father." Max had hoped that would be all that was said on the matter. He was wrong.

"I see. It must be difficult to be in such a position of power,  with a beautiful and  _available_ sister, yet how do you find an appropriate husband? As your sister she mustn't marry just anyone. Yet what noble man would marry a half blood?" The table-including Dorian, all collectively dropped their jaws to the table. All but Rowan. Before anyone could reply she responded cooly, "Lord Buchand, you speak as if my Elven ears are not a mere few feet away from you. If I wished to marry, it would be a man of MY choosing, not my brother's or anyone else for that matter. And if a man has issue with my bloodline, then I would have issue with HIM. I am not a desperate maiden waiting to be wed off to the first man who can make me round with child. Besides, you have been married twice despite your large nose, I suspect I will have no issue."     Dorian and Cullen both spit a bit of wine out onto their food. Max smiled broadly with pride. Josephine's eyes were larger than the dinner plates and Leliana smirked. Lord Buchand stunned muttered,  "yes I suppose...." Josephine quickly changed the subject to something more pleasant and the rest of the table recovered.  Cullen had a permanent smirk on his face and he couldn't resist turning to Rowan, flashing her a wink while his scarred lip pulled smugly in an upward motion.

Rowan felt her heart stop and again had to remember to breath. 


	15. Dance

     It was getting late and Rowan felt like she had danced with every noble at this bloody party. They all were jockeying for a dance with her following dinner, impatiently waiting for their moment to talk privately with her. Some of the men had been perfect gentlemen,  some offered her their room location in case she 'wanted to continue the celebration ' and some hinted at their marital status (letting her know they were VERY available). She longed to escape to the privacy of her room or the gardens or the battlements or a bloody closet at this point. The Commander had taken up his position in a corner with a permanent scowl on his face and a gaggle of women constantly circling him. 

     She slowly made her way to a side door and as she wrapped her hand around the knob she felt a warm touch on her arm. "Sneaking off Lady Rowan?" Cullen's distinct smooth voice poured over her like warm honey.  "Trying to, yes" Rowan replied with a mischievous half smile. Cullen took a small step closer and for a moment looked unsure of what he was doing, then he took her hand and lowered his head. In a low voice he said, " Before you sneak away, I was hoping to have one dance" his golden eyes flashed up to hers and they locked eyes. A heat washed over Rowan and although it wasn't the first time that night she replied with a yes, it was the first time she felt  _excited_ to do so. 

     Cullen guided her to the dance floor and placed a strong hand around her waist, the other clutching her hand. Rowan placed her free hand on his shoulder and tried to not let him feel the slight tremble in her body as they began to move to the music. He smelled of cedar and chamomile.  The smell reminded her of the beautiful forests in which she found refuge and peace for so many years.

     Cullen pulled her in just slightly closer but the intensity of their proximity could be felt by the entire room. Cullen couldn't believe how this woman had completely captivated him in such a short time. She smelled of lavender tonight and he just couldn't peel his eyes away from her. Three separate times Max had caught his staring and he would elbow him in the ribs or 'tsk tsk' as he walked by. Dorian would meet Cullen's eyes and waggle his brows or shoot a glance in Rowan's direction and lick his lips suggestively at Cullen. Those two were insufferable.  But they weren't wrong either. 

     The dance ended all too soon for them both. Cullen walked Rowan over to the door she had tried to exit from a few minutes before. "I, um, thank you, it was a lovely evening my lady." Cullen rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.  Rowan could not understand how one moment he was  smooth, heated confidence and the next he was bumbling and awkward and  _blushing!_

     "I was hoping to visit the gardens...would you care to join me?" Rowan held her breath while waiting for his response.  Would he think her too forward? Did he even want to spend time with her when he had a room full of beautiful women dying for his attention?

     Cullen exhaled loudly, "Maker I would love to". Rowan laughed at the obvious relief he had on his face at the thought of leaving the party. "Alright we better go quickly, before Max or Josephine catch on."

     They quickly bolted through the door and made their way to the gardens. It was completely empty with the exception of a couple having a passionate moment behind one of the trees. Rowan and Cullen walked to the otherside to leave that couple to their business.  She finally sat on a soft patch of grass next to a well that had beautiful green ivy creeping up its side and white flowers strung around it. The moon was full and bright and illuminated the garden. Cullen took a seat beside her and stared into the beautiful night sky. Rowan did the same. 

     "Isn't it something? I never realized how beautiful a sky like this was, or how warm the sun felt, or how rain felt upon my skin until I was denied it for so long. Now everytime I see the sky, no matter the weather, it never fails to take my breath away."

     "You don't have to answer... but you've mentioned before being locked in solitary confinement. ... would you tell me why?"

     Rowan tore her eyes from the moon and looked at Cullen. "Max hasn't told you of my time in the circle?" Cullen shook his head, "only that your magic was unique and that you valued your freedom greatly. " 

     "I see.... well, he isn't wrong. My magic was -  _is -_ very misunderstood by the chantry, and if I'm being perfectly honest, even me. Because of this, they weren't sure what to do with me. They didn't want to kill me because they wanted to study me. Yet they couldn't have me walking around a circle tower either. So I was taken to the lower level of the tower, left in a cell meant for dangerous mages awaiting tranquility.  There were no windows or anyone to talk to,....until Bran." At the mention of this name her voice faded and she looked very far away in her eyes. 

     "Was Bran another mage?"

Rowan shook her head and whispered, "no he was a Templar. I became his charge. For many many months it was just the two of us. He would sneak me books to pass the time, and letters from my brother. He provided me extra food rations and allowed me additional time slots for bathing. He took care of me. And eventually,  he helped me escape. I owe him my life. But sadly, he's not alive for me to repay the favor."

     Cullen shifted uncomfortably.  He wanted to know more, yet he didn't want to spoil the evening by making her retell unpleasant experiences as well.

     "I'm sorry. He sounds like everything a Templar should be. Protective and compassionate. " Rowan smiled sadly, "he really was. Believe it or not Cullen, our first encounter doesn't reflect well on me or my beliefs. "

     Cullen replied dryly, " I'm shocked". Rowan gave him a playful shove. "Shut it pretty boy. I don't hate all Templars.  I know there is good and bad in any group of people. I just dislike the one's that temporarily separate me from my magic" she said with a wink. "But that's all said and done now and you're just as pretty as ever."

     Cullen felt his cheeks redden at her continued compliments. "I'm not  _pretty_." 

     Rowan raised a brow, "oh? Then what do you call it?"

     Cullen thought for a moment and replied as flatly as he could, "ruggedly handsome."

     "Makers and Creators! Have you no shame?! You conceited man!!" Rowan laughed and swatted at his shoulder. "Well you did ask" Cullen said through a playful smile. "Besides, there are plenty of ruggedly handsome men in Thedas. Several in that hall. I'm nothing special Rowan."

     Rowan raised both brows at this. "Surely you don't think that? Trust me Cullen, every woman in that room would sell everything they owned to be out here with you, you silly man." 

     Cullen stared at Rowan's profile as she continued her sky gazing. She looked so beautiful in the moon light. He couldn't resist asking her, "and you? What do you think about sitting out here with me?"

     A slow smile spread across her face and she thought for a moment before replying , "well there's worse company I suppose" then she turned and kissed him softly on the cheek, stood up and walked away.

"Goodnight Cullen"

"Goodnight Rowan". 


	16. Capture and Imprisonment Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowan's backstory continues....

     The Templars dragged her to the Knight Commander. They threw her to the ground at his feet. "Explain yourself!" Bellowed the Knight Commander.

     "I don't-I don't know!!!" Rowan was shaking and felt so frightened she thought she would vomit. When the Templars had come to her room they were shocked and then furious at what they found. They had expected to find a Tranquil mage contentedly going about her business. Instead Rowan was half asleep, rubbing her temples and the mark of Tranquility was nowhere to be found. 

      ** _Smack!!!_** Rowan cried out as the force of the Knight Commander's fist sent her flying back down to the ground. "LIES! How did you do it?" He grabbed her by the back of her hair and pulled her to her feet. He angled her face so that she couldn't help but stare into his cold hard eyes. He placed a finger to her forehead, "how is your mark gone? You were Tranquil last night and not this morning,  you will tell me how immediately!" 

     Rowan shook and tears rolled down her face. She honestly did not know. She stammered again, "please, I do not know how this happened." 

     The Knight Commander considered her words and searched her face. Finally, he said, as he abruptly let her hair go shoving her back to the ground, "clearly either the ritual was done incorrectly or this mage has magic we need to learn about. Regardless,  the ritual will be performed again immediately. "

     Rowan sobbed as the templars dragged her by her arms into the same chamber she had been brought into the day before. The ritual was completed again. The next morning played out exactly as the previous. The mark was gone, Rowan's magic was completely restored and she seemingly had no explanation.  The ritual was performed another time with the same results.  Finally, high ranking mages and members of the chantry came to observe her, study her, and interrogate.  No answers were found. 

     "Execution is my suggestion. She is dangerous and we cannot risk her teaching other mages this magic." One senior enchantress suggested. A Seeker gave his opinion,  " no, we must learn what is behind this. What if this is a new ability in mages that has developed overtime? We must know more about this. Execution would be foolish."

     Finally it was decided to keep her in the lower cells beneath the tower. These cells largely remained empty as the mages placed in them faced immediate tranquility. The cells were small, solid with no natural light. A small slider was placed on the door and it would open twice a day for food. The person on the otherside did not say a word. Rowan was escorted to a bathing chamber once a week. She had 10 minutes before being brought back to her cell. There was no time given for how long she would stay in these conditions.  She would stay as long as it took to find an answer to her tranquility immunity.  

    The darkness and the silence were profoundly cruel. She would practice her sword and dagger footwork, using a small dagger she conjured from the fade. Several times she thought of turning the blade on herself. But everytime she brought it near, the whispers of demons filled her mind  _just a small cut is all it would take. A few drops of blood and together, we could bring this circle to its knees._ The words of the demons were tempting but then she thought of Max. How would he react if he found out what she had become? No, she had to remain strong. She would not give up so easily. So she waited for her opportunity.  Finally,  opportunity introduced itself. 

     "I'm Bran. Please don't be afraid. "


	17. Max

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter told from the viewpoint of Max Trevelyan

     Max groaned before his eyes were even open. The hangover from last night had made its way straight to his head. It pounded as if his brain was banging on his skull trying to escape.   _I'm going to kill Dorian and Bull_. They had "dragged" him to the tavern after the party for the "after party." Sera was perched on a rafter threatening to take her top off while Varric ran around to each table taking bets on if she would. Now he was late for a meeting in war room and he could already hear the annoyance in Josephine's voice over his tardiness. 

     He cleaned up and dressed in casual (but stylish) clothes and made his way past Josie's office. He chewed on a piece of elfroot to ease his headache and the nausea that would come and go.

     When he arrived, all three advisors were waiting and looked as if it were impatiently.  Everyone except Cullen. He looked far more bright eyed and bushied tailed than Max had ever seen him. "Good morning Inquisitor " the advisors greeted him. 

"Good morning my most trusted advisers! I apologize for my tardiness. A bit too much fun last night you see. But let us not dwell on the past! What brings us together this morning?"

    Leliana spoke up,  "the past."

Max, confused, looked at her and said, "listen I told Sera there were too many nobles runing about to take her top off but she marches to the beat of her own drum."

     Josephine sighed and closed her eyes. Leliana looked unaffected and Cullen muttered, "Maker's breath."

     "No Inquisitor,  I'm afraid this is far more serious than Sera and her.... eclectic behavior.  I have received the files on your sister. She was kept in solitary confinement for almost 2 years. Yet, she managed to escape with a small group of other mages. A templar was found murdered near their exit point. Then, 3 days later, the group of mages she escaped with were all found killed. Your sister presumably went into hiding for the last 10 years. This is... not good news."

     Max clenched his jaw so tightly he thought his bone would break. He loved Leliana's work ethic. She left no stone unturned.  But digging into Rowan's past..... well this was something he wasn't prepared for.

     "Why do you feel it necessary to look into these things? Is my word not enough? I have told you she is a good person, an asset to this Inquisition . What more is there to know?" He met the eyes of all 3 advisors. Cullen shifted from foot to foot. 

     Josephine spoke first, "we believe you Inquisitor.  But it is best if we know all the details first. They will be found out, make no mistake about this. It is better we know ahead of anyone who would use it against us -or her."

Leliana added, "we must be prepared for anything. "

Max sighed and rubbed his pounding head. "I will let her tell you then. Wait here."

       ***************************************

     He strolled out into the hall and ran straight into Bull. "Hey Boss, how you feeling?" 

"Terrible thanks to you. You and Dorian never should've dragged me to the tavern last night "

"Right... and by 'dragged' you mean when we asked 'hey wanna go to the tavern?' 

"Well I may be exaggerating your role in my dilemma this morning " Max said with a grin. " have you seen my sister?"

"Yeah, she walked out to the stables just a few minutes ago. If I wasn't with Dorian.... well I can't finish that sentence at least not with you" he added with a wink. "Ugh thank you for that"

     Max went out to the stables and found Rowan feeding the horses carrots. He leaned against a wall and observed how happy she looked. " just like when we were kids.  Always sneaking the horses treats."

     Rowan smiled and replied, "its not sneaking if I do it out in the open Max."

     Max felt his smile drop as remembered why he had sought her out. He hated to ruin what seemed to be a peaceful morning for her.  He took a deep breath  and began,

     "Row, listen. The advisors... they know about your time in the circle and now they know of your escape and the people who died during and... after. They want details. It truly is for your protection.  You know how these nobles work. Any dirt they can find and wield against someone they will use in a heartbeat. I will not tell them anything you don't want me to. In fact, I came here to ask if you would like to speak to them yourself. "

     Rowan stood for several moments, her face blank as she looked off into the distance.  Finally she answered,  "what if its a trick Max? What if they somehow use it against me? " 

"Nonsense Row. They truly are doing it for the good of the Inquisition and for you. Besides, you did nothing wrong. At least nothing I wouldn't have done in your place."

" do you think he'll see me differently?" She whispered .

At first Max didn't know what she was talking about but once he saw her cheeks flush he knew. "Cullen has his own past. He should be the most understanding." 

Rowan straightened and walked in front of him. "Let's get this over with."


	18. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowan comes clean  
> *trigger warning *  
> Descriptions of violence and PTSD

     The door to the war room swung open. Rowan walked in, back straight, eyes sharp and black. Her face was solemn and her energy felt like a heavy blanket. Cullen noticed she was instinctively balling up her hands into fists and when she would try to relax them, a strange black mist would flow from them.  _Her magic_ thought Cullen. 

     Max was right behind her, equally straight in posture, but his face almost looked...nervous? Josephine tried to ease the uneasiness felt by everyone with one of her gentle warm smiles.

     "Lady Rowan, I apologize for this request.  I hope you understand we only ask for this extremely personal information because of your brother's position and consequently,  yours. Whatever you tell us stays within this room. You have our word." The other advisors earnestly agreed.

     Rowan took a breath. She looked each advisor in the eye until they relented and looked away. "Very well. I will speak of this now, and never again. Max has told me all you know. I will fill in the blanks." She stood still for a moment.  Actually,  maybe it would be better if I show you. Do I have permission to use my magic?" She said this to everyone in the room, yet looked at Cullen for response. As did everyone else.  Cullen rubbed the back of his neck,  "um of course Rowan, you needn't ask."

     "Thank you" she responded. To the left of the room she stood in an open space. A black mist permeated off her body, swirling into the space before her. Then a green light began to grow from the center of the mist.  Slowly, a clearer picture began to emerge. A moving image... a memory playing out in front of them.....

 

     The advisors realized that they were watching Rowan in captivity..... they saw her torture, her isolation and her hopelessness.  This was enough to cause Josephine to remove a handkerchief from her pocket to dab away the tears. Cullen visibly flinched and clenched his jaw everytime he saw her thrown or beat. Leliana stared with a stone cold glare but her eyes showed something of sympathy.   Suddenly the mist shifted  and another scene unfolded.  A cell with a templar on the otherside, "I'm Bran, you don't have to be afraid.  Look I brought you some books from your old room to read and a couple candles for light. " The memories showed more of Bran's repeated kindness. Scenes of him bringing her extra food, allowing her to spar with him when he was the only guard on duty,  giving her extra time to bathe. Long nightly conversations...

     The black mist swirled in and the images were swallowed up. "He was my light in the darkest time of my life. I would have given up had it not been for him." Rowan murmured.  Cullen noticed her posture slowly beginning to slouch. Her voice was devoid of any feeling and her eyes looked distant. 

"Was your relationship ever romantic?" Leliana asked in her usual cold way. Cullen wasn't sure why the question was relevant but Leliana always wanted to know everything. 

     Rowan thought for several moments. "Under different circumstances perhaps it would have been. But he never tried anything.  I think he always wanted to make sure I trusted him. That I never mistook his kindness for wanting something in return." 

"So what happened Rowan?" Josephine asked carefully. 

     "One night a few mages had been planning a way to escape. They ambushed a few templars and made their way down to the lower cells to get me and escape through an exit point from the lower levels. They were going to kill Bran but he told them he wanted to help. He unlocked my cell and showed us all a way out of the tower." Rowan stopped, her eyes filling with tears and lower lip began to quiver. Max rubbed her upper back saying,  "take your time Row". 

    "I can't.... I'll show you". The mist returned as did the memories. Rowan, along with several other mages running through a long tunnel with stoned walls, Bran leading them while holding tightly to Rowan's hand. When they finally emerged from the tunnel they were all panting and deciding which direction to go. Rowan and Bran were several feet away from the other mages who were huddled together speaking in low tones.

     Rowan looked at Bran, "why are you helping us? This can cost you so much." Bran lifted a hand to her cheek and said softly ,"surely you know why." Rowan buried her face into his hand and kissed his palm., "come with me" Bran sighed and shook his head, "I can't,  I can tell the order a different story of your escape,  lead them off your trail. I've wanted to see you free for so long. I should've done this a long time ago. From the moment I first mustered the courage to speak with you, I knew you were special. Please, keep going, never give up Rowan." The advisors were so enveloped by this sorrowful goodbye that they were surprised by what happened next- just like Rowan and Bran in her memory.

     WHACK!!! Bran fell to his knees, a male mage stood behind him with a rock in his hand. Another mage came from the side, pulled Bran's dagger from his boot and in a swift motion, slit his throat. It all happened so quickly. Rowan was screaming, she fell to her knees and rolled Bran over, his head in her lap. She tried to heal him ,but all it did was buy him a few more moments. He sputtered the words ,"keep going". Then the sparkle in his beautiful sea blue eyes faded. Rowan, sat cradling his face, she was covered in his blood. Her hands crimson red and her face smeared with blood and tears.  The other mages grabbed her, bound her, and once again, she was a prisoner.

      The advisors all stood speechless. Rowan's entire body was shaking, the memory faded and the black mist swallowed up its remaining images until it too dissipated.  Leliana was first to speak.

     "Why did they choose to free you only to hold you captive?"

"They knew I was part of the Trevelyan family. They figured they could hold me for ransom for coin to fund their escape.  They wanted out of the Free Marches. I think they meant to go to Tevinter but they had no way of getting there. No food, no coin for travel." 

"Why did they kill him?" Cullen asked, finally finding his voice .

     "Cruelty. Although they said it was so that he couldn't give us up if he changed his mind or if it was forced out of him." She said softly. 

     "The group of mages were found dead several days later" said Leliana. 

     Rowan smiled, a dark feral smile that nobody had seen on her face before.  "Yes they did. My magic allows me to conjure many things from the fade as you saw with these memories. I can also create fade weapons as some of your mages do with extensive training. Once I had gained my composure, I summoned my daggers, severed my binds and killed them all in their sleep. Of course a couple woke up, but I took care of that quickly. If you're wondering if I feel any remorse,  the answer is no. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Those bastards killed a good man. And they paid with their lives."

     The room was silent. Rowan's mask of stone was back and her monotone voice as well. Everyone was intimidated by this cold persona she had taken on. Finally,  Max spoke,  " we have all seen the horrors that were inflicted on my sister to satisfy your questions. Is there anything else?" The advisors all shook their head no. Cullen's eyes met Rowan's and a look of deep sympathy came from his eyes. But Rowan didn't notice, she was exhausted, between the drain of her magic to show her memories and watching the worst parts of her life replayed, she had reached her limits of composure. 

     It was all too much. From living in mostly quiet solitude,  to being in Skyhold, the party, the endless questions, the memories she hadn't truly dealt with... the room started spinning and everyone began to sound far away. Cullen was the first to notice as Max, Josie and Leliana were talking amongst themselves. "Lady Rowan are you alright?" He asked as he steadied her. She couldn't make out what he was saying, then she passed out. 

     Cullen caught her and lifted her up into his arms. " What the fuck happened?!" Max cried out. Cullen went into his Commander role. He had seen this before, he had come close to it himself. "She needs to lie down. Let's take her to her room." Rowan was already coming to but she was shaking and sweating. Hot tears streamed down her face. She buried her face in Cullen's mantle. "Its alright Rowan, let it out. I'm here." Cullen's voice was like a balm on her nerves. Cullen shot Leliana and Josie a look and said, "this is what  trauma can do to a person. She is to answer nobody's questions unless she wants to." His voice was stern and it boomed through the room. The women just nodded a yes and Max looked satisfied with the Commander's order. Cullen turned and walked out of the war room with Rowan in his arms.

 


	19. A Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen Fluff😍😍😍

     Cullen brought Rowan to her room and layed her on her bed. Max trailing close behind,  he watched as Cullen poured her a glass of wine, then a glass of water and sat them on the small table next to her bed. Cullen took off each of her shoes and handed her his handkerchief.  Max smiled and slowly slipped out the door.

     Cullen sat on the side of the bed, his back facing away from Rowan. His head bowed he softly said, "I'm so sorry. For everything.  The chantry, the circle,  the templars, the mages, Lord Trevelyan  and mostly for letting that happen in the war room. You shouldn't have been pressured into talking. Please forgive me."

     Rowan,  propped up on pillows, pulled her hands from her face to look at this man. He showed her so much empathy. She couldn't say why but she felt so safe and protected around him. Which was strange because she typically didn't need either from anyone.  Once she found her voice she shakily said, "there's nothing to forgive Cullen. I understand why it needed to be said. And you're certainly not to blame for any of it." 

     Cullen turned to look at her. Even now, she looked beautiful.  He carefully took her hand in his, careful to give her time to pull away. "Regardless, you deserved none of it. If you ever should need me, I'm here." He said the words so softly and warm. His eyes were soft and golden. Rowan smiled lightly, "you could have Solas bring me a sleeping tonic. I think a good rest would do me some good." Cullen chuckled,  "yes I'm sure it would. I'll send him right over." Cullen sat for a moment his face going serious. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

 "Cullen? What is it?"

"I want you to know I am no longer apart of the Order. I have completely severed ties."

 "I know."

"You don't know all of it...... I no longer take Lyrium."

Rowan froze. Her dark eyes wide in shock. "Maker Cullen... I, well why?"

"I will no longer be bound to them. I'm no longer chanied to their leash. What you showed us today reminded why." His jaw set firmly and his eyes hardened. 

Rowan touched his arm and softly said, "thank you for telling me. I think you're very brave and I support you."

Cullen's body relaxed then and he smiled slightly,  his scar tugging up. "Thank you. Now we both learned something about one another today. I'll go fetch Solas. I'll see you soon Rowan."

Rowan smiled, "see you soon."


	20. Smiles, Spars, and Drinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A light fun chapter

     Rowan awoke to a knock on her door, before she could say "come in" Dorian threw open the door and strolled in. 

     "Ah my darling good morning! Time to get up don't you think? I'd love for you to join me for a game of chess and perhaps some morning drinks. Then we can have afternoon drinks and finally evening drinks!" 

Rowan groaned and threw a pillow in his direction but was horribly off her mark. "That was rather rude but I'll forgive you if you hop to it. I'll meet you in the gardens in 45 minutes!"

     Rowan peeled herself from the bed. That sleep tonic Solas gave her really did the trick. She quickly washed and put on a pair of dark leggings with a light material tunic. The pale blushed top  hung softly but still showed her curves. She fastened a small dark corset around her waist and slipped on her over the knee black boots. Her hair was getting longer and more curly. It spilled over the tops of her ears now and framed her face softly. 

     She rubbed on a bit of red stain to her cheeks and lips and greeted the morning.  As she made her way to the gardens she pushed the events from the previous day out of her mind. She would make this a good day. 

     Dorian was where he said he'd be. At a small table waiting for Rowan. He drank champagne with an assortment of fresh berries floating around the flute. He looked impeccable sitting in the morning light. Rowan actually envied his ability to always look so perfect. 

     "Well look who decided to pull herself from her slumber! "

"Actually you decided to pull me from my slumber."

"And look at the change I've already brought to your life! Dressed nicely and ready to enjoy this glorious day. Now shall we begin our game?"

They played a round of chess and Rowan laughed the entire time through the game. Dorian was quickly becoming one of her favorite people to be around.  He won the game, but Rowan was almost positive he cheated. Finally the two parted ways and Rowan found herself wandering Skyhold .

     She came across the sparring ring and saw Cullen instructing some soldiers while they sparred one another.  "Keep your shield up Fergus! Donovan parry the left strike!"

     Rowan watched closely as Cullen climbed over the railing and began to demonstrate for the men. She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she realized Cullen was speaking to her. "I'm sorry what was that?"

Cullen, smirking and walking towards her said, " I asked if you cared for a spar? The Inquisitor has spoken highly of your skill and I saw a bit of that firsthand. But now that I can fight back, I doubt you'll have the upper hand."

"That sounds awfully smug Commander. I would love to show you my diverse skill set once again. This time, do mind your nose." She peeled off her corset allowing her shirt to hang a little looser. Cullen threw her a long sword and a dagger. "No magic and no eye pokes." "As you wish."

     They squared off, circling one another trying to get the other's timing.  Cullen took half a step forward and almost simultaneously,  Rowan took half a step back. Her ability to stay just out of his range was annoying but clever.  

     Finally,  she darted to the right but Cullen easily deflected her strike and responded with one of his own. It continued this way for some time until they both had worked up a sweat. Cullen pulled off his shirt and Rowan had to clench her jaw to keep it from from falling to the ground.  He was perfect.  Tall, well defined, lean muscles. He moved with great speed when he needed to. His body was built for fighting.  Rowan felt he had the upper hand with this distraction so she too removed her shirt so that she only wore her strappy breastband. 

Cullen's face, although slightly flushed from exertion,  was now bright red. Rowan couldn't help but smirk and quirk a brow at him. He tried to refocus himself.  They lashed out with strikes and  blows and Rowan caught him with a foot trip. Cullen fell to his back but as Rowan went in for the kill he tripped her and rolled on top. He held his sword to her throat and laid heavy on top her body. "Yield?" 

"Commander Cullen..... I yield." Rowan said between heavy breaths. She lost but all she could think about was how he was on top of her. And he wasn't getting up. They were just staring at one another and taking note of how  good the other's body felt.

     "Damn, what did I miss?" Bull said casually as he leaned against the railing. Cullen remembered himself. He quickly jumped to his feet and offered Rowan a hand. The small crowd of soldiers that had been watching began to clap and some whistled. "Back to work!!" Cullen roared and the soldiers jumped back to their training.  "I, um, that was fun. Thank you for the friendly spar."

"No thank you Cullen. I needed that more than you know."

"I bet she needs something else more than you know too. Or maybe you do...." Bull said with a wink as he sauntered off. 


	21. Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting out of Skyhold

     Life at Skyhold started to feel somewhat normal for Rowan. She established a routine of helping the healers and the surgeons in the mornings,  assisted in the training of new scouts for Leliana,  and always found time (and a reason) to visit Cullen. Her evenings were typically spent sipping wine with Dorian or trading stories with Varric. 

     Cullen looked forward to seeing her during the day. She would stop by to ask if needed any herbs for his headaches, or if he had eaten anything.  She fretted over him, and although he didn't need someone taking care of him, having someone who reminded him to eat was definitely a help. 

     She was always around Skyhold, but Rowan sometimes seemed a thousand miles away. Her eyes would become distant,  then she would jerk herself out of whatever thoughts she may be having and resume her work. Cullen wondered if the others noticed this too.

     *********************************************

     "I would like to go with you to the Emerald Graves Max."

"Ha! My sister, you must be joking."

"No. I'm completely serious. I'm bored Max. I'm used to traveling, moving.... I can't be still for too long. I need a distraction."

"Go to the tavern if you need a distraction."

"MAX."

" Rowan, its dangerous enough for me to be out there but I have to close rifts. If the enemy knew both of us were out of the safety of Skyhold and together no less?! They'd send an army against our little group and snatch us both up before we could say 'Andraste'. So, no."

Rowan felt her eyes sting slightly. She was bored of being behind the walls of the fortress. If she was being completely honest, she was feeling a bit enclosed.... she started to feel that familiar sensation of suffocation. Max must have picked up on this. He eyed her for a moment, tapping his foot, then with a deep breath he said,

"Cullen has dealings in Fereldan.  He is meeting with several Banns and Arls in a bid to align our armies. He is going with a small envoy. Join him. They will need a skilled healer in case someone becomes ill or injured. And your fighting capabilities are always an asset. Besides... I'm sure the Commander won't mind the company. " He smiled at Rowan with this last bit and she felt her face grow hot.

"Very well... if you think he won't mind me coming along..."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll have no issues with my suggestion."

           ***************************************

Rowan mounted her horse and settled into the saddle. She immediately felt her shoulders relax. She was free to travel, to move around in open space. She patted her horse gently on its neck before giving a quick nidge with her boot that sent her horse trotting into the lead of the envoy. 

"Someone's in a hurry" Cullen said as he finished signing the last order and handing it off to Rylen. Max chuckled, " yes well, she's been absolutely dying to get away. She is a wild spirit that one."

"Rylen, is there any other questions before I leave?"

"None Commander.  Do have fun with all them nobles sir." 

Cullen groaned, "haha Rylen. Send a raven if there's anything you need."

"Commander I'm sure you're already aware of this but please bring back my sister in one piece." Max said with a small smile, but a seriousness was in his voice.

"I will protect her with my life Inquisitor." Cullen said, as he gave a small bow to Max, then he mounted his horse and trotted up to the rest of the envoy as they made their way across the bridge.

Max and Rylen watched as the envoy made its way out of Skyhold. 

"You know Inquisitor,  I haven't seen the Commander look at anyone the way he does your sister. Now you went and sent them off together. Either you've been too busy to notice his staring or you did this on purpose."

Max smiled softly,  "she has walls around herself higher and thicker than Skyhold's. She needs a man as stubborn and determined as Cullen to bring them down. I always know exactly what I'm doing Rylen." Max winked and sauntered off. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some traveling, light conversation, flirting, and #pettypatty pays a visit to Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little jealous Cullen is always a good read😈😍👀

     The water in the small river was shallow in this area. Rowan could see the bottom of the river bed and its smooth rounded rocks. The water babbled over them in a soothing, relaxing manner. There was a light, cool breeze that blew through the many trees they walked through and the sun was warm on their backs. The sweet smell of honeysuckle was in the air.

     Rowan felt her shoulders melt down and she was more relaxed than she'd been in a long while. Her horse walked along content at its mellow pace. Without realizing it, Rowan began humming a lively tune she'd heard in a tavern in Denerim several years ago. She abruptly stopped when one of the soliders said, "Maker is there anything you can't do? Magic, sword fighting,  healing, BEAUTIFUL,  and now singing?" 

     Rowan blushed a bit at his compliment.  "Growing up in the Trevelyan home had its benefits I suppose. But yes, there are some things I cannot do. I tried learning to speak Tevene and was Terrible at it. I understand some but I never could get the accent right.... My mother would get so frustrated " Rowan added with a chuckle. 

"Well nobody's perfect I suppose, although you're damn close if I do say so myself" The soldier winked and gave her a cheeky grin.

     The conversation was interrupted by a throat being purposely cleared followed by, "Adam, I hope I'm not interrupting, but you are need at the back of the envoy to relieve Jim. NOW." The Commander's eyes were narrowed and blazing. The soldier, Adam, abruptly sat up and saluted "yes sir!" He looked at Rowan, "I enjoyed our chat Lady Trevelyan,  until next time" he smiled devilishly at her and quickly trotted to the back. Cullen's entire face was red at this point. Rowan looked at him curiously..... _was he jealous?_ "I apologize for that soldier's forwardness my lady. I will speak to him and make sure it doesn't happen again." Rowan decided to test the waters.

"What if I want it to happen again?"

"I-uh- what?! Well, I apologize if I-I interrupted something. " Cullen rubbed the back of his meck and looked away.

Rowan laughed and swatted at his shoulder.  "I'm joking Cullen. But I didn't mind talking to him. I'm no sheltered noble woman. I've heard far worse. And besides, it doesn't hurt to hear a compliment once in a while. Even the roughest woman likes to hear she is beautiful,  even if it isn't true."

"It most certainly  _is_ true". The words fell out of Cullen's mouth before he could stop them. He clenched the reins and stiffened in his saddle. He heard a soft exhale and what only took a few seconds, but felt like an entire age had passed, Rowan said, "thank you Cullen. That truly is a compliment coming from a man as handsome as you." Cullen felt his heart skip a beat, he couldn't speak, his mouth just hung open slightly but it couldn't form words and he knew he had to be blushing. "I-uh, well, th-thank you Rowan." He finally found the courage to look at her. She was smiling softly and he was somewhat relieved to find a soft blush on her face as well. "Cullen.... did you leave anyone behind in Kirkwall?"

"Uh, no"

"Nobody special caught your eye?" 

Cullen's voice lowered, and in a moment of confidence as he looked at her blushing face he gave her look that could melt the sun itself....,

"not in Kirkwall....." 

They locked eyes for a moment neither sure of what to say next. Suddenly they were interrupted by a scout delivering a message.  "I should see to this report,  thank you Jim. Rowan.... I'll speak with you later.. that is, if you want, I mean..."

"Yes Cullen. I do." She laughed softly and returned her gaze to the water. Cullen stared for a moment before righting himself and trotting away. 

"Scout  Jim!"

"Yes Commander!"

"See to it that the soldier Adam is assigned a position at the back of the envoy. For the duration of this assignment. "

"Yes sir!"

Cullen knew it was petty. He knew it was a petty use of his power. Cullen banished these thoughts when he thought about Adam's smug flirtatious face.  Right,  _fuck you Adam._


	23. Daggers and Fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rowan shows her skills

     For two days the envoy traveled with no problems.  The weather was lovely, horses were obedient,  and everyone was in good spirits. 

     The morning of the third day however, had a more tense feel about it. Cullen chalked it up to them being so close to Cousland Castle of Highever. There, they would meet with several nobles and would be hosted by the Queen of Fereldan's brother. It was an important meeting, and Cullen could not for the life of him understand how Josephine was not along for this.

     The envoy began its trek through the last leg of their journey.  They came to a quiet road that seemed like it hadn't been travelled in some time. Old trees lined both sides of the road acting as borders for the denser forest. Cullen felt his senses tingle. They were easy targets. Out in the open like this and unable to see clearly through the woods to both sides... "Stay sharp soldiers, we don't know who's eyes are watching"

     The soldiers stiffened and tensed ready to pounce if necessary.  The scouts in the envoy hunched a bit more and surveyed the road as best they could. Rowan dismounted her horse and handed the reins to a soldier. She walked quietly among the others but she sensed something wrong..... her ears, more sensitive to sound than a full blooded human ears, heard crackling and the breaking of branches. Too many for a single animal. "Commander Cullen I think-"

     Suddenly an arrow shot past Rowan's shoulder. A rallying cry rang out from both sides of the road and they were surrounded by bandits. They didn't have the most sophisticated armor and weapons, but they had more people and they were rugged and ruthless. 

"TO ARMS INQUISITION!!!!" Cullen roared. His soldiers began cutting through the attackers while the scouts quickly found coverage and fired their arrows from unseen places. The scouts who could not get away from the open,  slashed away at the enemy with their daggers. Rowan felt the familar surge of adrenaline run through her body and she unsheathed her daggers. Her magic pulsed theough her veins, ran down her arms and into her hands. Then suddenly her right dagger lit up in flames while her left frosted in ice. She did not need a staff to direct her magic, her daggers were her weapons and focus point of her magic. 

     With one slice an enemy felt the searing heat of her right dagger, then in the next cut, the painful cold of her left. Cullen caught a glimpse of her fighting and found himself in awe. He had never seen two elements of magic used at the same time. It was an incredible sight to behold. The bandits were quickly outskilled and they had all but won when Cullen looked in Rowan's direction again and saw a man standing on a boulder several feet away. Her back was turned and she was fighting off a large man who was swinging a mace around as if it were a feather. 

     The man on the boulder drew back his bow and was trying to find aim at Rowan but she was moving so quickly he hesitated.  "ROWAN!!!" Cullen bellowed and ran to her as fast as he could. She had plungged her dagger into the mace wielding bandit's throat when the man on the boulder fired his arrow. Cullen at the same time shoved Rowan out of the way. The arrow pierced him in his left shoulder. His armour had deflected the worst of it but it had managed to pierce his body. Rowan's eyes grew wide but without hesitation her attention fell to the bandit on the boulder who was trying to reload his bow. She flung her left hand outward at him, the bandit was lifted into the air and with a turn of her hand he flew hard and fast into a tree. A scout near the tree quickly despatched the threat.    

 

                      *************************

 

     "For fucks sake hold STILL!"

"I told you I'd do it myself Rowan!" 

"Stop being an ass and let me help!"

     Cullen knew he was being stubborn but his withdraws were intense and his shoulder ached from his wound. Rowan was attempting to help him clean and wrap the wound but he wasn't cooperating. 

     Rowan took a deep breath and more quietly said, "you quite possibly saved my life. At least let me help you with this." Something about her tone and the way her eyes just slightly glistened softened Cullen. "Alright.  I'm sorry,  its not just the shoulder making me this way."

"I know" Rowan said. "Take off your shirt please "

"That's very forward of you my lady. Shouldn't we at least have dinner first?" 

     "Haha Commander,  don't make me slap your shoulder. " Cullen grinned like a mischievous boy but took off his shirt and sat himself on a chair. Rowan stood close to him washing his wound and applying the healing balm. Her hands were warm and soft. They tingled just slightly with her healing magic as she ran them over the wound again and again.  Cullen sucked in his breath when suddenly her hands drifted to the muscles in his neck and she soothed the tension that was there. Several minutes passed in silence.  

     Finally,  she took a step back but Cullen grabbed her hand and pulled her back in. He looked up at her and her lips were so close to his. Her eyes searched his, waiting for his next move. "Rowan... I-I.... thank you." She smiled and huffed out a small laugh, " _you_ took an arrow for  _me_ Cullen. I should be thanking you." 

     "You've done enough. Besides,  I think I'd do anything for you at this point." Cullen murmured in a low voice. 

Rowan inhaled sharply,  "careful Commander.  Keep talking like that and I might start to find you charming."

"Maker forbid" Cullen chuckled. 

"Commander! Report sir!" 

"WHAT IS IT JIM??!!!" 

Rowan slid her hand back and as she left his tent she peered over her shoulder, "Goodnight Cullen...." 

Cullen sighed, "Goodnight Rowan.....and... to be continued?"

Rowan smirked,  "of course.  Jim would be out of a job if he didn't have our little discussions to interrupt." And she walked out into the night.


	24. Arrival

     The envoy finally arrived in Highever. They were greeted warmly by the Couslands and quickly shown their rooms. Most of the envoys soldiers and scouts were housed in the same block of the castle. Cullen and Rowan were given more luxurious accommodations.  Their rooms were right next to one another. 

     Lady Trevelyan,  if there is  _anything_ you need or require during your stay do not hesitate to ask. Your comfort is my only priority during your stay." The woman assigned for Rowan's "needs" was kind enough but almost too much. Rowan thought she'd never leave her alone. Cullen must have been thinking the same of his assigned assistant because when his walked off Cullen loudly exhaled. It sounded like he'd been holding his breath the entire time. Rowan laughed at his obvious annoyance as she stood in the hall facing their doors. 

"Maker if all these nobles talk as much as that man I'll refuse to leave my room" Cullen groaned.

"I don't think you could get away with that" Rowan replied dryly. 

"No? I think it'd be easy. I come down with some illness and request the Inquisitor's sister to act in my stead..."

"Stop RIGHT there Commander. Don't forget I'm sleeping right next to your room and I can pick locks. Don't think its beneath me to borrow from Sera's tactics and employ the use of bees..."

Cullen threw up his hands in surrender,  "alright you win. I guess I'll go freshen up and meet you for dinner?"

"I'll meet you in an hour."

                *****************************

     Dinner was boring. And stuffy. And the conversation was dry.  And boring. And stuffy. Rowan groaned inwardly as she pushed around a potato with her fork on her plate. They sat at a long wooden table that had been polished so much it could have been a mirror. Cullen was seated next to Rowan and was trying his hardest to be engaged with what one of the Bann lords was talking about but Rowan could tell he was faking every second. 

     A woman sat across from them and was absolutely smitten with the Commander. She wore a long deep red dress that was tightened at the waist. Her hair was up but a few curly tendrils hung about her face. She laughed too loudly at everything Cullen said. Or she would act like every word he said was the most interesting thing she'd ever heard. It was so over the top Rowan tried not to giggle. 

     "Our soldiers have trained hard and long for sometime now my lord. I feel you will be impressed with their performance. " Cullen said.

The woman across from them leaned in and said to Cullen, "I'd wager that's not the only thing the Inquisition can offer that it is hard, long, and....impressive. " 

Cullen choked on his wine and went into a coughing fit. Rowan's eyes went wide and she had to pretend to cough as she hid behind her napkin to hide her laughter. 

     "I umm, well, the Inquisition has many accomplishments my lady." Cullen finally spat out. 

"Yes indeed Commander. " Rowan added as she kicked him under the table. He coughed aloud again but this time in an attempt to suppress his laughter. The woman across the table had drank so many goblets of wine she was none the wiser. 

"Well during your visit I would  _love_ to hear more of these....accomplishments....  perhaps even be apart of one?"

     "Oh yes, being apart of the Inquisition and its  _accomplishments_ is something I am happy to say the Commander introduced me to shortly after I arrived. Then again during my stay and even on the trip here! Such accomplishments just happen again and again. The Commander is a  _very_ motivated man." Rowan cocked a brow at Cullen and his entire face was the same shade as the damned woman's dress. 

     "I see.... well, I'm afraid its grown late and I should be off to bed. Do take care Commander Cullen, Lady Trevelyan. " And the woman in red staggered and swayed out of the dining hall.

     Cullen leaned over and whispered in Rowan's ear, "Vengeance will be mine my lady. But I commend you for getting her to leave. Unfortunately I show little mercy to those who have crossed me."

     Rowan couldn't help bit feel a slight shiver with how close he was. He smelled amazing,  cedarwood and fresh pine mixed with the ale he was drinking. 

     "Well, then I shall have to be on my guard Cullen.  For it seems I've made two enemies tonight,  you and that woman. But I'd be damned if I sat back as she tried to add herself to your list of  _accomplishments."_

     "Is that jealousy I'm sensing lady Rowan? Or are you this protective over all your acquaintances?"

      "I don't know.... I didn't think it was as obvious as some.... I could've moved her to the end of the table for the rest of our visit. Like you moved Adam to the back of the envoy. "

     Cullen froze. So she noticed.   _Fuck._

"Commander Cullen?" Cullen realized another Bann was asking him army related questions and he'd heard none of it. Rowan saved him in that moment and said, "My apologies. I'm so very tired from our traveling that I was telling the Commander that I should retire for the evening.  Goodnight my lords and ladies and I shall see you tomorrow. "

     She turned to Cullen and gave him a wink. He grinned at her but stood and took her hand, placing a gentle kiss to the top. Goodnight my lady." His eyes twinkled as he gazed into hers. Rowan felt a rush to her head and nodded at him and hurried away before she threw herself at him in front of all these blasted nobles. 


	25. Bets and Letters

_To the Inquisition's handsome but clueless Commander,_

_I have been informed by certain people within your company that you and Lady Rowan have yet to make passionate love. Or even kiss. Now, typically I am FAR too busy to worry about whether or not your 'needs' are being met (unless of course those needs include myself,  a bottle of fine red wine, and hot oil) but I have placed a large wager with Varric that you two adorable love doves will finally have at it on this little expedition. Do not blow this for me Cullen.  Unless its literally you blowi....well I won't finish that sentence.  Now do us all a favor and kiss that woman already! P.S. do it in front of people so I can hear word and get my winnings from that hairy smug dwarf._

_From: the Inquisition's most talented and handsome mage...._

_-Dorian._

_************************************_

 

_Cullen,_

_I am pleased to hear the journey was mostly safe and that you kept your word (not that I doubted it) about protecting my sister. Although she certainly held her own._

_Cullen forgive me for prying, but I seem to think that there might be something you're holding back on. Now I'm not one for pushing people when they're not ready, but sometimes we need to take a leap of faith and tell others how we feel about them. Is there anyone you want to express your feelings to? As the Herald of Andraste, I hope you take my advice.  Also, if you choose to express your feelings for someone in particular,  please do it on the way home from your journey. Andraste has asked me to participate in a wager and you'd help Andraste out a lot if you follow my directions closely.  No pressure._

_From your blessed and wise leader,_

_-Inquisitor Trevelyan_

_***************************************_

 

_Aye Magey Stabby Rowey,_

_Do me a favor, walk up to Cully Wully and shove your tongue down his throat will ya? Try to do it while in Highever,  not before,  not after. Maybe if he likes it, he'll show ya his other long sword......_

_-Sera_

 

_**********************************_

 

Cullen stood in his room wearing just his pants. He'd already bathed and was getting into bed when Jim delivered these lovely letters.  _They have a bloody bet running?!_ Maker, had he been that obvious? 

     Cullen finally pulled himself into bed and thought about Rowan... then found himself chuckling at Dorian's line..."hairy smug dwarf". 

 

     ****************************************

Rowan layed in bed thinking of Sera's crude and painfully honest letter.  A wager?! She thought about Cullen.....often. How could she not? He was probably the most handsome man she'd ever seen. He was gentle yet so incredibly strong. She thought of the way his scar pulled when he smirked and how his hair was always so perfect except for one lock of rebellious hair that would fall forward.   _Maker I need to stop._ As comfortable and confident Rowan was in herself,  she couldn't believe that someone like Cullen would ever want to be with someone such as herself.  A half blood. A mage. An apostate.  Ugh. She flopped over to her side and drifted to sleep. 


	26. A river & a kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!!!!

       The next day began early for Cullen. He met with several high ranking officials regarding troop movement and Inquisition assistance.  He was then given a tour of the Cousland army and it's ins and outs. Cullen took note of things he liked and offered suggestions much to the delight of the captains and such. 

     He caught glimpses of Rowan throughout the day, wandering the estate, offering assistance to the healers and enjoying some wine in the gardens. She had looked beautiful as always but in her unique way. Today she wore a deep green light over coat that was tight in the waist and flared out just slightly as it reached her hips. It traveled down to her ankles but was open in the front to show her brown/black leggings and over the knee boots. Her arms were bare and a few gold bracelets dangled delicately from her wrist. 

     The day had worn on and the teas Rowan was making for him could only do so much to curb his withdrawals.  The weariness of traveling,  the stress of dealing with these blasted nobles, and the constant whispering of lyrium were finally wearing him down. He decided once he was finished with this final inspection he would do himself a favor, and relax the rest of the evening.  

               *********************************

 

     Rowan had enjoyed herself much of the day. She had helped the healers in the apothecary and had rode her horse on the property of the Cousland estate.  It was early evening when she decided to return to her room to eat something light, freshen up, and then ride her horse (who she had named Vino) down to the river on the edge of the Cousland land. She had spotted it on her ride earlier and wanted to explore it a bit more. There were beautiful trees around it and so much soft lush greenery. She also needed a good excuse to avoid another long boring dinner in the main hall.

     As she was leaving her room, Cullen was also exiting his. 

"Rowan, I, uh, was just about to ask you.... would you like to take a walk or have some dinner, uh, -"

    Rowan interrupted,  "Vino and I were about to go for a ride down to the river,  care to join?"

"Who is Vino?" Cullen asked carefully. 

      Rowan laughed, feeling a little silly about her horse's name, "my horse"

"You named your horse after wine? No wonder you and Dorian became such fast friends " Cullen said as he crossed his arms and smirked. 

     "Shut it Commander.  Would you like to go and escape all these people for a bit? Or you can go have dinner again with that charming woman from last night..."

Cullen's eyebrows shot up and threw up his hands in mock surrender "no no by all means let's get out of here."

               ***********************************

     They rode in comfortable silence for sometime.  Rowan and Cullen rode side by side at a steady but leisurely pace. Rowan took immediate notice to the fact he wasn't wearing his armor but still had his sword on hand. He looked ever the part of the dashing Commander.  It was almost ridiculous how handsome he was and yet most of the time he behaved like he didn't have the slightest clue that the majority of women would drop their knickers in a hot second if he asked them to. Yet it was this very quality that made so much more attractive. It was hopeless. 

     "So, have you been enjoying your stay?"

"I have. The apothecary was massive. The lead healer was very inviting."

"If I may ask, why did you want to leave Skyhold?"

   Rowan paused for moment thoughtfully and said,  "I don't know really.  I was feeling useless perhaps? So much going on.... its like everyone was running constantly but I was just standing still. But everyone's kissing my arse because of my brother.... I guess I just wanted some time to... wander."

     Cullen stared at her for a moment, "I understand.  It must feel odd to be there. Such a quick change in your way of life."

     Rowan smiled, "its not an unwelcome change of course. I have enjoyed my time at Skyhold. "

     Cullen began to rub the back of his neck and his cheeks tinged pink just a bit. Rowan knew whatever he was going to say made him nervous.

"So, uh, you asked me if anyone special had caught my eye.... what about you? That is,.do you have anyone in your life that you're uh.... involved with?"

"No. My last lover ended up being engaged! The asshole lied to me for months. That was a couple years ago."

They reached the river and dismounted their horses. They walked them through the trees and down to the water. It was a small river, not very wide and they were standing in a small sandy beach. Their horses walked up to the stream and  began to drink from it. 

     "So how did you find he was engaged?"

Rowan sighed, "I knew he was a minor noble from Orlais. That should've been my first red flag. But he was an artist and wrote beautiful poetry. He said I was his muse and he would paint me in many of his artworks." She rolled her eyes at this.

"We met at an outside market by chance. He asked me to get a drink so I did. We grew close. He said he was going to abandon his inheritance and title and marry me. Then, one day he finally confesses that he was already engaged. It had been arranged by his family for years. He thought he could walk away from his fortune for me, but he couldn't. So instead,  he wanted to pay for me to live in an Orlesian apartment and basically be his mistress. No children together,  and we certainly couldn't be seen in public together. "

Rowan had walked a few feet away to tie up her horse. " the  _Nerve_ Of that man. Ugh! Of course I said absolutely not."

Cullen began to tie his horse to a tree a few feet away as Rowan began to walk to the edge of the water. 

"You know what he told me?" She said lower now eyes downcast.

" He said, that as an apostate and elf blooded woman, it was the best life I could hope for. I couldn't believe those words came from his mouth. A life of hiding, secrecy and shame. That's the best I could hope for? No. I'd rather live alone in the woods of Fereldan than be somebody's dirty little secret."

     "You have standards for yourself.  You know your worth and that's an admirable trait." Cullen said matter of factly.

     "I don't know about my worth... I just have a lot of pride I think. I know I'm not "worth" much to most men.  I'm aware of what I am. But I'll be damned if I get shoved in any kind of cell again, no matter how much Orlesian decor it has."

     Cullen stood speechless for a moment. How could  _This_ woman think she wasn't worth much? 

"Tell me you know that any man who does not see the worth of the woman standing in front of me is a bloody fool." 

     Rowan smiled softly, "thank you Cullen. But you don't have to try to make me feel better. I am at peace with it. I saw his true colors. When I did I told him where he could fuck off to."

     Cullen laughed at this," I've no doubt you did."

They stood several feet apart and looked across the water. "I didn't say it to make you feel better" Cullen said suddenly, breaking the silence. "I said it because it's true."

     Rowan turned to face him now, "I may catch the eye of some men, and I may even capture their attention with who I am.... but I am not marriage material Cullen. I am just a elf blooded mage. It is what it is."

     Cullen had heard enough. He wasn't sure what came over him in that moment, but in 3 large strides he had closed the distance between them, his eyes blazing amber and his expression serious. He grabbed Rowan at the her waist and placed his hand at the back of her head. He kissed her. He kissed her with such need. He  _Needed_ Her to see that she was worth every good man that had ever stepped foot in Thedas. He  _needed_ her to see that she was the most intriguing womam he'd ever met. He  _Needed_ Her to know how much he had thought of her, how much he wanted to give her, and most of all, how much he  _needed her._

     Finally they pulled away from one another.  His arms still around her neck and waist he said, "I'm sorry, um, that was really nice......" He sighed, "don't ever speak of yourself that way. Not in front of me at least. Because I think you're absolutely perfect."

     Despite trying to hold them back, Rowan felt hot tears spring to her eyes. Her hand traced his face down to his perfect jawline. "Cullen.....  _This_ Was perfect. " She reached up and kissed him. This time it was slower,.softer, and they lingered for some time. Finally they pulled away again and Rowan noticed they were losing light.

    They untied their horses and mounted them. They rode back in silence but couldn't resist sending one another soft smiles. Cullen, feeling a bit ornery said, "Now, don't go rubbing it in that poor noble woman's face that you have captured my affection."

Rowan, never one to back down from a war of words replied,  "I won't as long as you promise not to tell Adam about us" she winked. 

     Cullen laughed, "no problem. But I should warn you that if I see him flirting with you again he's getting stationed to the furthest bog I can find." Cullen said smugly and smirked.

     

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh Adam.

     The next morning the envoy was packing up their things and were ready to start their journey back to Skyhold. Rowan was so completely flustered from the previous evening she could barely keep herself organized.  She had seen Cullen only briefly that morning at breakfast but he was being flocked by nobles and army officials. It didn't stop him from catching her eye however. In the middle of all the chaos they locked eyes. His were smoldering and a small mischievous smirk played on his lips. His hands clasped behind his back looking all business. Rowan felt an immediate heat throughout her body but managed to give an equally heated look back. 

     Now she was mounting Vino and struggling with a bag because she couldn't stop thinking about that damn man. Suddenly a voice broke her thoughts, "did you need some help Lady Rowan? Or is this some elaborate ploy to get my attention?" It was Adam. He was a good looking lad. He was younger than Rowan however. Maybe 23? 25 at the most, she thought to herself.  He had a huge beautiful smile that probably won him a lot of hearts. But he paled in the shadow of the Commander. 

     "Actually some help would be appreciated,  I can't seem to get this bag tied down properly.  Vino is too tall for me to try to do it from the ground, and I can't reach back far enough from on top of him."

     "Never fear my lady, I am always more than happy to help." Adam, being quite tall, was able to secure her bag. I haven't been able to speak much to you on this trip my lady, but once back at Skyhold... maybe we can get a drink at the tavern?" His hand ever so softly grazed across her calf. Rowan immediately panicked.  She wanted Cullen. But should she expect loyalty already? Did he expect it from her?

    "Well, I um,-"

"ADAM. You are needed at the back of the envoy soldier. I will NOT tolerate you being distracted. "

"Yes sir Commander!" Adam gave Rowan a wink and sauntered off. Thank the Maker that Cullen was not a mage. In that moment, he would have incinerated Adam with the look he was giving now. 

     Cullen walked up to Vino and gave him a nice pet as he looked at up at Rowan. "I uh, hope I wasn't interrupting anything...."

     "No, just an awkward invitation to catch a drink at the tavern"

     "WHAT?" Cullen growled.

Rowan laughed, "my my Commander,  keep your temper. I didn't agree. Although an ale sounds amazing. "

   "Its only 9 in the morning Rowan."

"Yes, I'm way behind on my drinking schedule.  Should've started an hour ago." She gave a wink and trotted off. 


	28. Unwelcome Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mildly NSFW, Cullen and Rowan learn of a unexpected guest from Rowan's past. Then we get jealous Cullen because I'm obsessed with jealous Cullen😆

    The journey home took less time. Everyone pushed faster and harder to get back. Rowan felt a sense of comfort at the sight of Skyhold. It felt like.....home.  _Home?_ That was a strange concept.  She couldn't help the small smiled that played on her lips as they approached.  

       Max greeted them, along with Leliana,  Josephine,  and Dorian. Once they had all dismounted Dorian rushed Rowan. "You simply must tell me everything about your trip. Josephine has prepared you a bath. Come!"

     "Do you intend to bathe with me?"

"Of course not darling but I will sit and drink some of the lovely wine that has been provided while you bathe. Oh come now, there's nothing I want to see. So you know I won't look."

Rowan giggled at this and they made their way up to her room.     

      A beautiful large copper bath awaited her filled with water that she heated up right away. Rose petals were sprinkled in and lovely Orlesian soaps were available. Dorian busied himself near the fireplace while Rowan slipped into the bath.

 "You can turn around now."

Dorian sat on the chaise lounge and stretched out sipping at his glass. "So.... how did you and our dashing Commander get along?"

     Rowan smiled impishly,  "oh well enough I suppose. We had lots of talks on the way.... had a lovely dinner at the Cousland estate...."

Dorian rolled his eyes and mocked yawn, "oh I'm sorry I must have fallen asleep during that boring story. Get to the good bits already! Did you... well  _you know."_

     "No Dorian, sorry to disappoint you. However, he did kiss me." Rowan, at this revelation, covered her face and peaked through her fingers at Dorian.

     "Yes!! I KNEW it! Oh how was it? Was he as commanding in his moment of passion as he is with his soldiers or was he surprisingly gentle? Or maybe even a little.... kinky?"

"Dorian you're terrible!" Rowan squealed with laughter.  "He was commanding... then softer... it was  _so_ perfect. "

       Dorian clapped his hands together "I'm so happy darling. Now you just need to seal the deal if you get my drift."

     "Trust me its all I think about" Rowan whined. 

     "All in good time my darling"

 

             ************************************

     Cullen had signed off his last report and finally  bathed and dressed in clean clothes. His stomached growled and he realized he hadn't ate all day. He rolled around going to the tavern when he heard a knock.

"Enter"

  Jim made his way through the door and threw up a salute. "Commander Cullen, the Inquisitor requests your presence in the war room immediately sir"

"Thank you Jim."

       Cullen rubbed his neck to try to relieve the tension there. He made his to the war room and was surprised to find Max, the other advisors and Rowan all present. 

     "Commander, thank you for joining us. I know its late but this matter needs to be addressed immediately. " 

     "Is everything all right?" Cullen asked worriedly. 

     Josephine was next to speak, "it seems we have a visitor coming to Skyhold and its someone that everyone,  including Rowan, should know about. Lord Thomas Bertrand has sent word that he will be arriving in Skyhold within the week. He comes to offer aide and...... he comes to confirm that Lady Trevelyan is who he thinks she is."

       Rowan's jaw dropped. "Are you.... no. Max you have to stop this."

     Josephine interjected,  "he's already in route Rowan. He must've suspected this reaction.  He comes from a powerful house in Orlais and we cannot deny him entry."

     Cullen was extremely confused. It was obvious whoever this was, it was someone Rowan did not want to see. 

     "Will he be bringing his wife?" Rowan spat out.

Cullen finally spoke up, "someone tell me what the problem is here" he growled out.

     Max looked to Rowan, she took a deep breath and began, "Lord Bertrand was my... we were.. romantically involved. I spoke of him to you Cullen."

     "Why in the Maker does he need to see Rowan?" Cullen said.

     Leliana finally spoke, "it seems his engagement fell through. I'm not sure of all the details, but he has been a bachelor for almost two years. A rather promiscuous bachelor at that. He has quite the scandalous reputation.  He heard word of the Inquisitor's sister, and after our welcoming celebration,  drawings were made of her. He recognized it and decided to see for himself of it was her."

     "He can come to Skyhold but I will not see him."

     Josephine spoke carefully now, "Lady Rowan, Lord Bertrand is extremely well connected and wealthy.... an alliance with him could be very valuable "

     Cullen's eyes narrowed and his voice became very low and dangerous,  "she will not be used as bait."

    Max smiled at Cullen's protective response and said, "Rowan will not be forced to do anything my dear advisors. However, if she chooses to play along for the sake of the Inquisition then so be it."

     Rowan quirked a brow at Max, "what do you have in mind?"

     "He says he wants to offer aide. Very well. He also says he wants to confirm that you are who he thinks you are. Very well. But if you are already  _involved_ with someone else..... what can he do? What could he possibly expect?"

     Rowan scoffed,  "clearly you do not know Thomas. I could be engaged, married, have children.... he wants what he wants."

     Cullen felt his fists clenching, the nerve of this asshole! "What is he thinking?! He's going to storm Skyhold, see Rowan and sweep her off her to Orlais?! I'll shove my fist so far down that noble bastard's mouth it will pop out of his ass."

     Cullen was pacing now like a caged lion.

     Josephine and Leliana exchanged knowing looks. Leliana spoke first, "Commander, please,  we will need you to be on your BEST behavior. He only plans to stay a week. We gain his alliance and its done."

     Rowan finally spoke again, "let him come. I have nothing to say to him. Nor any desire to speak with him. He will be sorely disappointed. "

     Max said, "If he sees you are 'taken' it will soften the blow." His gaze went to the Commander,  " especially if the man you were taken by was in a powerful position in our organization. "

     Cullen's face turned red and sputtered,  "you want, you, Maker's breath.."

      Max laughed,  "Cullen, if you're not interested..."

"Maker no that's not it!" Cullen pinched his nose. He sighed , "Can I speak with Rowan alone please?"

The advisors nodded and left the room.

     It was quiet with just Rowan and Cullen staring at one another not sure who would speak first.

It was Rowan who broke the silence,  "this is a lot to ask of you. You do not have to agree to it. I would never expect you to openly court a mage and half-blood. I want you to do what's best for you."

     "Maker you think that's the problem? I would be damn PROUD to court you Rowan. I just... I care for you and I don't want you to feel pushed into anything. "

      Rowan felt the air leave her lungs, she took a step closer. Cullen's eyes were soft and he studied her face. She finally said, "so we're going to do this then? And you're ok with it? Because I am. I want to. Obviously whatever we really have going on is fresh but we would act like serious lovers..."

     She trailed off as Cullen stepped closer and he dipped his head low. He cupped her face and slowly,  slowly met her lips. They kissed in a slow dance. Cullen took in her bottom lip and sucked slowly. Rowan moaned and Cullen deepened their kiss. Their hands roamed each other's body and every part of Rowan's body was on fire. Finally a knock at the door pulled them apart. Max's voice was muffled from the otherside of the door, "have you two made a decision yet? I'm dying for an ale!" 

     Rowan and Cullen, both breathing heavy, laughed softly. Cullen said with a confidence that melted Rowan to the core, "I'll be damned if some noble bastard walks in this fortress and thinks he can have you. You are  _mine_." He pulled her into a kiss again. She pulled herself from him and said, "I normally would object to someone claiming me.... but fuck Cullen, when you say it I couldn't fight it if I wanted to." 

     Another loud bang on the door, "alright what's going on in there?!" Josephine and Leliana could be heard saying something to Max and then a loud "OOOOHHHHHHH. Dammit Cullen nothing better be happening in my fucking war room!!!" 

      Cullen opened the door, "maker Inquisitor,  I would never dream of touching your sister, especially in your war room."

    "Horse shit Commander. Now, what was decided?"

      Rowan spoke up, "we agree to a declared courtship."

     Max smiled, "wonderful! Is this strictly a 'faux courtship'?"

     Cullen, feeling obligated to speak with Max about the matter said, "Inquisitor,  you should know that I have the upmost respect for your sister -"

Max cut him off, "Cullen, I know. I'm happy for you both"

      "I, well, thank you Inquisitor. "

"Now, how about that ale Max?" Rowan said. "I need to fill you in on what to expect with our guest."

 "I'll meet you in the tavern Row."

Max and the advisors made their way out of the war room. Cullen walked behind Rowan and pulled her to him, her back flush against his hard body. He dipped his head into the crook of her neck and murmured,  "goodnight Rowan." She smelled of lavender and rose water. She shivered under his touch and leaned back into him, "goodnight Cullen"


	29. Greetings

     Max was nervous. He never got nervous.  But the arrival of this 'Lord Bertrand' was making him nervous. If he disrespected Rowan it'd be a toss up who'd punch him first; Max, Cullen or Rowan herself.  He looked over at Josephine.  She was nervous too. She kept tapping her quill on her board and smoothing her already perfect skirts. 

     Leliana stood with an amused smirk playing on her lips. Cullen stood straight, shoulders pulled back (maker how is it possible they look broader when he's mad?) His jaw clenched and eyes narrowed. Max said a silently prayer to the Maker.

     They all stood in the main hall, Max on his throne trying to balance looking intimidating yet welcoming.  Rowan walked in gracefully,  standing tall and proud. She dressed in a black light weight dress that wrapped around her neck revealing her toned, tanned shoulders. The dress plunged low in the front and it trailed long in the back. It opened at her hips and revealed deep wine colored leggings and over the knee boots with many buckles. Her eyes were lined with kohl and Cullen thought he might lose all sense of control right then and there and carry her back to his tower like a barbarian . 

      She came to stand beside him, her hand softly grazing his. "Maker you look beautiful "

Rowan blushed slightly,  "if you are to be with the Inquisitor's sister, she ought to look worthy of the dashing Commander."

     "If you looked anymore 'worthy' today I would have a serious distraction on my plate."

     "I'm a bit disappointed I'm not already a distraction "

     "You have no idea the amount of distractment you've already caused me"

     "Perhaps I need an idea of it then. Care to show me later?"

     "Maker's Breath woman you are a desire demon."

      The main hall doors opened, "here we go" Rowan murmured. 

      In walked a large entourage of Orlesians.  _A living nightmare_ thought Cullen. Servants, aides, ambassadors  and finally.....him.

      A servant with a booming voice declared, "introducing to the most holy Inquisitor and Herald of Andraste,  Lord Thomas Bertrand of House Bertrand from the mighty realm of Orlais.  _oh for fucks sake_ Cullen thought to himself. 

     Thomas was a good looking man. Jet black hair and green eyes, cleanly shaven, lean and confident in every step. He bowed to the Inquisitor before he caught sight of his reason for being there.

     "Inquisitor Trevelyan it is an honor to be here at Skyhold. I thank you for the warm welcome."

     He turned to face Rowan, "My lady, I never thought it possible to see someone more beautiful than when I last saw you. Yet here you stand, more stunning than I remember. "

     The crowd murmured and gasped amongst themselves. Cullen clenched his jaw so tightly he thought his teeth might break.

     "Lord Bertrand. You're exactly as I remember. Welcome to Skyhold." Rowan said flatly and devoid of emotion. Thomas caught the tone but didn't seem swayed.

    Looking at Cullen, Max knew he needed to intervene, immediately.  "Lord Bertrand, may I introduce my spymaster, Sister Nightingale , my Ambassador, Lady Josephine Montilyet, and Commander Cullen Rutherford, my highly skilled and trusted Commander of my armies. It seems you already are acquainted with my beloved sister Rowan Trevelyan.  She and the Commander would be happy to speak to you about our current dealings in Fereldan, as they have recently returned from their trip together from the Cousland Estate."

     At this subtle nod to Cullen and Rowan, and their close proximity together, Thomas appeared to put two and two together.

"I hope you enjoy your stay. Ambassador Josephine will be happy to assist you with anything you require.  We may speak later, in the ambassador's office once you are settled. Until then, please feel free to explore Skyhold."

     "Thank you Inquisitor. " Thomas gave one more inquisitive look at Rowan and departed the main hall. Rowan exhaled loudly,  "well that wasn't so bad."

     Cullen still couldn't speak out of fear his head would explode. Rowan could sense his anger and placed a hand on his arm "Cullen, are you ok?"

     "Row, why don't you walk with the Commander back to his tower?" Max suggested wisely.

     Cullen gave a nod to Max "Inquisitor " and extended his arm to Rowan. They walked in silence back to his tower. He closed the door behind him and stalked the length of his desk. "He has a lot of fucking nerve to speak about you in such a way in front of everyone.  Even your own Maker  damned brother! How am I supposed to handle a week of this?!" 

     Rowan smiled softly and grabbed his hands. Her magic sensed this was more than just jealousy. His withdrawals were intense today. She felt the tremor in his hands. Her heart was heavy knowing this added stress was on her account.  Without a word she began to unfasten the buckles that held his mantle in place. Then his armor. Cullen stood in wonderment as piece by piece she slowly stripped him of the heavy armor. Finally he said, Rowan, what are you-" 

     "Hush. You're not well today and you're trying to hide it from me. Go to your bed I'll be right there."

     She rummaged through the drawer where he kept the herbs and balms she would bring him to ease his symptoms. He slowly made his way up the ladder and allowed himself to collapse on his bed. When she came up to join him, she had a jar of elfroot ointment in her hands. "Take off your shirt please."

     "You know, I'm beginning to think you look for any reason for me to take my shirt off."

      "Do I need a reason? Or could I just ask?

"I think you know the answer to that" Cullen replied smoothly.  

     He removed his shirt and layed face down on  the bed as Rowan instructed.  He heard what sounded like her unbuckling her boots perhaps? Suddenly she was straddling his lower back and she placed her warm hands on his shoulders spreading the ointment into his muscles.  Cullen groaned at the feeling.  "Maker that's wonderful " 

     Rowan chuckled.  Yes, a little something I picked up from a Dalish healer in the Free Marches. 

     "You really have lived a varied, colorful life Rowan"

     She thought on this for a moment,  "I suppose so. From a noble house,  to the circle,  to traveling Thedas avoiding capture.... Most of my skills were learned out of necessity. " 

     "Did you love him?" Cullen blurted out of nowhere. He didn't know why, but he had to know. 

Rowan stopped her hands. After a few moments she said,  "yes. Or at least I loved the man he allowed me to see. It was a facade. He hid his engagement.  Made me think we were going to have a life together.  I'd never allowed myself to think I could have that kind of life. He played on my vulnerability. " 

      She resumed her massaging. Cullen said after a few moments, "I would never hurt you like that. I'd rather hurt myself before ever causing you pain." He rolled over so that he was on his back, Rowan still on top. He propped up on an elbow, his other hand cupping her cheek.  "You know this, yes? I'll protect you from him, the chantry,  your parents.... you're not alone in this anymore. " He suddenly felt a pang of self consciousness, "that is... of course...if you want"

     Rowan stared at him in awe. "Of course I do Cullen.  You need to know that you are not alone either. Your withdrawals,  the stress of your position,  whatever haunts you in your nightmares. .... I'm here." 

He smiled at her and gave her a soft kiss. Then he rolled back over abruptly causing Rowan to be thrown off balance and giggle.  "You may resume your work my lady."

     Rowan laughed and swatted at his back. "Yes sir Commander" and she began her kneading and rubbing until the tension melted from his muscles and he fell fast asleep.  Rowan gazed at the beautiful golden man before her. She gave him the faintest kiss on the cheek and left him to his slumber.


	30. Insecurity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas is a manipulative ahole. And things get smuttier.....

     Several hours passed and the sun began to set when Rowan made her way to the gardens to her usual spot. She carried a bottle of red wine and sat on a blanket in a soft patch of grass. Max spotted her from the prayer room and made his way over. He sat on the blanket with her and took her glass of wine.

     "Rude."

"I'm your brother, its my sacred right to be rude."

     Rowan smiled and looked up at the sky. It was ablaze with the setting sun with clouds cast in pinks and purples. She sighed in contentment. 

     "He makes you very happy."

Rowan without breaking her upward gaze said, "yes, I know its early... I've only been here a couple months.... but, I don't know how to describe it. He's different. This feels different....."

       "How did you feel seeing Thomas again?"

"Honestly? Nothing really.  Maybe annoyance?"

    "How are things going with your pursuit of the Seeker?"

     "Cass? She LOVES me, she just needs more time to admit it to herself. " Max said confidently. 

Rowan laughed, "I wish I had your unwavering confidence brother."

     "You doubt Cullen's intentions?"

"No... he just seems to good to be true. I'm waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me."

     "I can't speak for the man Row... but the way he looks at you, from day one I saw it. And the way he speaks of you..... it seems quite genuine. Cullen has shown me nothing but a character of high moral fiber."

     Rowan took back her glass of wine and drank deeply from it.

     "You know.... Thomas has asked to see you. It's completely up to you Rowan.  He requested an audience for after dinner. It would be in Josie's office,  but you'd be alone with him, guards stationed outside the door of course."

     Rowan knew he'd ask to see her. She rolled it around for a moment.  Their last conversation was one of anger and filled with tears. Perhaps they both needed this closure.  "I will see him."

            **********************************

 

     Max informed Cullen of the arrangement that evening.  Cullen wasn't exactly thrilled but if Rowan had agreed then who was he to object? He decided to stay right outside Josie's office out of some need for control really. 

     Rowan walked past him on her way to the meeting. She walked straight up to him and in front of the nobility, soldiers and scouts, she kissed him softly on the cheek. He smiled at her and gave her a nod. "I'll be right here should you need anything. "

     She opened the doors and walked into the office. A roaring fire greeted her and Thomas stood facing it. He turned when he heard her approach.  He made to move forward but then stopped himself  followed by, "Rowan.... I can't believe I finally found you.""

      " why were you looking for me?"

"Please have a seat" he motioned to the two plush chairs that sat in front of the fire. They faced one another and between them, a small table with wine was placed. 

     Rowan stared into his deep green eyes. There was a time when they made her melt. Now, all she wanted to see was molten honey eyes staring back at her.

     "After you found out about my betrothal,  I went back to my family's estate.  Then I learned my bride to be had actually eloped with her lover. I went to find you to tell you the news but..... you were gone. You had left Orlais. I had tried to track you, but you do well to keep yourself hidden for obvious reasons. By Andraste,  I didn't know you were a Trevelyan! It could have made all the difference for us!"

     "I didn't want to bring my family name into it. Besides, it doesn't change my being elf blooded and a apostate Thomas. Most of all, it shouldn't have made any difference.  If you'd loved me the way you said you did, you wouldn't have cared. "

      "I was a fool Rowan. Now we have another chance. Think of the alliance we could forge! House Bertrand and the Inquisition! Me, married to the Inquisitor's sister!"

     Rowan almost spit out her wine. "Married??!!"

"Let me stop you RIGHT there Thomas. If you choose to align yourself with the Inquisition then it would be a most welcome alliance.  However, it will not be because of a marriage to me. I am with Commander Cullen if you didn't already figure that out. You are not changing that."

     "Rowan.... come now...what can he offer you? I can give you everything.  Freedom, protection,  wealth, prestige.... whatever you want! He's a military man. A man with a scarred past. A man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. I can give you a life of luxury."

     "You offer me a gilded cage and in exchange you climb the social ladder. No. I do not doubt that you searched for me. You wanted me to be your little pet. Now, I am a fine prize because of who my brother is. I will not be fooled. I shed my tears over you long ago, I have not thought of you in a long time. I will forget you as soon as you leave."

     "He will grow tired of you. Your baggage. Your past, the scrutiny of the chantry. The questions... the whispers... would he want his children's mother to be a half blood?"

Tears stung her eyes. He always knew how to hit her where it hurt most. Where she was most vulnerable.  

Thomas leaned in and wiped a tear away. "I will not abandon you like he will. I will accept these faults. They are not your doing.  I will love you despite  all this."

     Rowan slapped his hand away. She stood up, her face flaming and eyes dangerous.  " Fuck you Thomas. I'd rather die alone than ever be with you again." She stormed out of the room like a thunder cloud. She burst through the doors back into the main hall. Her head a whirlwind of memories. Lord Trevelyan and his resentment of her, Max as a young boy cowering in pain from the blows by his father's hand, Bran and his kind words, his look of shock as he was struck down, the smell of blood as she executed those responsible,  the small walls of her cell, Thomas preying on her weaknesses when she finally opened up to someone.  The walls of Skyhold were closing in on her. She ran out the main hall. She heard shouting but couldn't make out what or who it was. She ran up the stairs leading to her room. She was so swift and light she was there in moments.

     She grabbed one of her bags and began throwing clothes and supplies into it. This was what she did when the world around her became too small, when that cell in the tower found a way to enclose itself around her again....she was a flurry of movement packing and shoving her things into her bag. Suddenly she felt something strong around her arms stopping her movements.  

     "For Fucks sake Rowan talk to me!"

It was Cullen. Of course. He'd been outside the room, he must've followed her up here. He looked exhausted.  Trying to catch her in all that armor up the stairs? Rowan felt a stab of guilt. He let her go and sighed deeply.  He tore off his chest piece and mantle and rubbed at the tension in his shoulders. Rowan sat at the edge of her bed. 

     Cullen paced for a moment looking and processing what she had been doing.  "You're packing. You're planning to leave?"

     Rowan swallowed hard.  "I wasn't thinking.  I was just so.... so..." she couldn't finish her sentence.  Hot tears streamed down her face. "He said you'd grow tired of me." She looked away ashamed.  "He brought up my past.... my "baggage " he called it."

     "I just.... had to get away"

Cullen got on his knees and knelt in front of her. He slowly, carefully pulled her knees apart, grabbed her by her waist and pulled her to the very edge of the bed. He buried his face into her belly and wrapped his arms around her. "Stay with me Rowan"

     Rowan wrapped her arms around his shoulders and laid her cheek on his head. They stayed like this for a long time. This intimate embrace, both afraid to pull back. Finally,  Cullen took his hands and cupped her face, "first,  I know of your ghosts, but you have yet to learn what haunts me. You are no more broken than I am. You being here has made me feel lighter than I can remember being in years. Grow tired of you? Grow tired of your wit and intelligence? Grow tired of your beautiful smile that you only reserve for special moments? Grow tired of the fierceness and strength that you have shown me again and again?" 

     She smiled at him, and felt rather silly.  "Maker but I am a fool. I can't believe I let him get to me this way. I know how he works and I still fell for it." 

     Cullen pulled her head down for a deep loving kiss. When he pulled away his eyes were dark and narrowed, "we will deal with Thomas Bertrand."

     Rowan still feeling the world spin from the feel of Cullen's lips dipped her head low for another. She wrapped her legs around him tight and his hands trailed up and down her thighs. Her dress slowly hiked up further and further and the feel of Cullen's hands on her thighs was delicious. 

     Her hands trailed down the front of his shirt and she yanked it off. He gazed in her eyes for just a moment before standing up, Rowan still wrapped around his body. He laid her on the bed and climbed atop her. He was so heavy and the feel of his body weighing down on hers, pinning her to the bed was driving her wild. Their breath was rapid and sighs and moans were escaping them both. Rowan nipped at Cullen's neck and he growled. His hands had made their way under her dress and he was teasing her at the hem of her underwear.  She thrust her hips up into his hand as she sighed  _Cullen_. 

Suddenly a firm knock was on the door. Cullen dropped his head into Rowan's neck. "Don't say a word and maybe they'll go away" he whispered. 

Another knock  "Commander Sir! I have a message from the Inquisitor!" Knock knock knock, "Commander...its uh important I think"

     "Fucking JIM" Cullen growled as he peeled himself off of Rowan. Normally Rowan would laugh at Jim's intrusion.  But she was so ready to have Cullen completely that this......ugh.

"Fucking Jim" Rowan muttered in reply.

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

     Max tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the Commander to arrive.  Josephine and Leliana seemed unaffected. They carried on a conversation about the latest hair trends in Orlais. Suddenly the door flew open and an extremely flustered looking Cullen walked in.

     His hair has a mess from Rowan grabbing and pulling at it, his face still flushed from their heated exchange.  His shirt was hastily put back on, but he had no time to put back on his armor. His mantle hung around his shoulders in an attempt to keep up appearances.  Josephine smiled and cleared her throat to stifle a laugh. Leliana's eyes danced with amusement and said with feigned innocence,  "Commander, you look like you were taking part in a rigorous training session! I hope we didn't interrupt an important lesson." Josephine now turned away to 'cough'.

     Max rolled his eyes and groaned, "well I take it you settled whatever was the matter with Rowan."

     Cullen thought he'd die of embarrassment.  After everything he'd survived, it was this very moment he would cease to exist. "Maker's Breath, Jim said I was to come here immediately. "

     "Yes, well I was concerned for my sister after Leliana's spies reported her running from her meeting with Thomas and jetting off to her room. I thought I'd find out what I could before I had the man executed. "

     "We know we cannot execute the man for upsetting your sister, Inquisitor. " Josephine said sweetly but making her point clear.

     "Yes, well, if you want someone to punch him in his mouth I'd be happy to carry out that order Inquisitor.  He simply is trying to win her back. He is trying to convince her I will grow tired of her and her past. Ridiculous. " Cullen scoffed. 

     Max walked from one end of the war table to the next. "What does he want, truly want?"

     Leliana spoke up, "its obvious he wants to marry her, to align himself with the Inquisition and you, Inquisitor.  It will elevate his social status enormously. " 

     "Bastard" Max muttered to himself. "I agree" , Cullen said, "however, I think that was initial motivation for coming here. Now, I think he is also motivated by the forbidden fruit, if you will. He wants what he's being denied. Which is her."

     Max continued his pacing and stopped.  "Ladies, what are my options?"

     Josephine spoke first, "Inquisitor,  Thomas has been a perfect guest outside his actions towards your sister. Perhaps allowing more time for his true colors to show to the other nobles?"

     "Or perhaps we can expedite this showing of colors...."

     "What do you have in mind Leliana?"

      "Cullen, you and Rowan..... need to be more flamboyant about your relationship.  Make it clear to everyone in this fortress who you have eyes for. Allow him to see the fruit he desires.... that he cannot touch..... then he'll show his true colors. Possibly publicly embarrass himself if we're lucky. "

 

     


	32. Chapter 32

     Rowan decided to visit the Herald's Rest. She had been hiding out for a couple days and had enough. She wasn't going to hide like a scared child. She had a life to live dammit! 

     The evening was cool and she wore a long green hooded cape. People were scattered about the courtyard chatting and enjoying the nice weather. Several stopped their conversations to acknowledge the sister of the Inquisitor.  She made her way into the tavern and quickly spotted Bull, Sera, and Varric at a table near the bard. They waved her over as soon as she made her way through the door. 

     "There you are! We were getting worried about you, its about time you made it out into the realm of people again!" Varric said as he raised his enormous mug of beer.

      "I thought ol' Cully Wully had worn you out. I was ready to break in your room but I was scared of what I'd walk in on, if ya get my drift." 

      Rowan rolled her eyes, "how could I not get that drift Sera?"

     Sera cackled with glee and clinked her equally enormous mug with Varrics. Bull sat with a shit eating grin and winked at her with his only eye. "Good to see you out and about Rowan. Sit down, have a drink." 

     Rowan smiled and sat at the table. A barmaid came by and took her drink order. A bottle of Antivan Red sounded amazing. The foursome sat around and exchanged stories from their travels. It was a toss up who had the most diverse set of stories. Bull's were most violent, where Varric's had the most twists and turns. Sera's were certainly the most random and Rowan's involved more interesting (and ridiculous) encounters with people.  

     "So, you and Curly huh? I gotta say,.I'm glad to see him so happy. I know its early, but he beams from ear to ear these days. I've never seen the man smile so damn much. Actually I don't know if I ever saw him smile before you came around. "

     "Oh he's definitely got it bad. Real bad." Iron Bull added confidently.  

     "Yeah but Quizzy is all bent outta shape over your ex. He should just let Cully Wully at him. Take care of that problem real quick."

     Rowan sighed. She knew it would only be a matter of time before this issue was brought up. "I wish I could have at him myself. But you know these nobles and the games everyone plays with them." 

     "Well, I don't want to spoil the mood...but he just walked in the door. " 

      Sure enough,  Thomas strolled into the tavern with a few other noble companions.  They occupied a nearby table and Thomas flashed Rowan a smile. Her stomach churned in nausea.  What did she ever see in that pompous asshole? These thoughts were interrupted by Bull saying,

"Well maybe her mood is gonna recover quickly because the Commander just walked through the door too." 

     Sure enough Cullen, dressed in casual clothes to the delight  of Rowan (and every other woman in that tavern with the exception of Sera) walked in and made his way to their table. He smiled softly when he approached Rowan and greeted her with a low "hello Rowan". 

      "Curly! Am I surprised to see you here! Come sit down and have an ale!" Varric was sloshing his beer out of his mug with his enthusiasm. Cullen couldn't suppress a laugh at the sight of the happy drunken dwarf. 

     He sat next to Rowan. The barmaid was there in a flash (and dripping with enthusiasm) "Commander Cullen, order what ever you like. Drink is on me sir" she winked at him and bent down to hear  him, revealing her incredible perky and overflowing  bust. Rowan noted the woman hadn't strained to hear any other order in the damn tavern. Cullen didn't seem to notice the woman's obvious flirting and only said , "well thank you. I'll have an ale please" the barmaid smiled and said , "wonderful choice sir. Classic Fereldan man through and through.  Then she winked and walked away. Cullen finally caught on and he let out a  _makers breath_ while everyone at the table burst into laughter. 

     Finally Cullen noticed Thomas sitting at the other table. Turning to Rowan he asked quietly,  "has he given you any problems?"

     Rowan nodded, "no, he just keeps staring, trying to catch my eye. But he's said nothing."

     "I see". Cullen thought on Leliana's words from their previous meeting.  This would as good a time as any for this man to see who Rowan had eyes for. He slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to his side. He kissed the side of her head and whispered in her ear that he was willing to bet a shilling that Sera falls backward in her chair within 30 minutes. This caused Rowan to burst out in laughter. Cullen snuck a glance at Thomas who had definitely noticed the entire exchange.  "Good" Cullen thought to himself. 

     They stuck around for another couple hours when Rowan decided she'd had enough. She went to stand and suddenly realized just how drunk she actually was. She swayed and Cullen caught her by her waist before she completely lost her balance. 

      Bull said loudly enough for the whole tavern to hear, "Commander, you better take your woman to bed." Cullen's face turned a little red but he knew why Bull had said it. He glanced at Thomas who's face was flaming in anger. He seethed in his corner of the tavern. Cullen decided to capitalize on this opportunity.  

      " you heard the Iron Bull Rowan, off to bed with you." He effortlessly swooped her up and threw her over his shoulder. She squealed with laughter and told him to put her down (all while laughing and carrying on). Cullen gave a her a playful swat on the ass and said , "behave yourself or the next one will be so hard you'll  _like_ it."

     "Hhmmm something you may have to prove later Cullen" Rowan slurred out. Uh oh. This plan is backfiring.  Now all Cullen could think about was.... no.  _She's drunk Rutherford.  Very drunk._ He carried her to her room and placed her in bed. She kissed him and fell happily into her pillow. "G'night Cullen. Cully Wully." She let out a giggle then seemingly fell right to sleep.

      _Cully Wully???_ Thought Cullen as he made his way back into his tower.

      

 


	33. Cullen, meet Thomas

     Rowan woke the next morning with a dull throbbing headache.  She made a tea with various herbs to calm the pain. Once she was feeling more like herself she made her way to the infirmary.  She brought with her a bag filled with healing tonics, teas, and balms she had made herself. 

      The surgeon greeted her warmly and thanked her for the fresh supplies. Faewyn quickly got to work tending to patients. "We have a new one in the back, he broke his arm in a drunken sparring match it seems. I've set the arm but he's in pain" the surgeon told Faewyn as she tended to her more critical patients. 

     Faewyn made her way to the back and was surprised to see Adam sitting up on his cot, his back leaned against the wall. "Adam, I didn't expect to see you here."

      He perked up when he saw who it was. "Lady Rowan- ah fuck!" He moved too quickly and he winced in pain. She rolled her eyes and brought her healing balm. She sat next to him on the cot and very carefully removed his sling. "First I'm going to use just a little magic ok? Then I'll apply this balm. The combo should take away most of the pain."

       Adam gave a lopsided grin, "whatever you need to do my Lady is fine by me." She began to work and he watched for a moment.  Then he said, "so, you and the Commander huh? It makes sense now. You know he had me on latrine duty for a week after we returned? Can't say I blame him though. But I don't regret a thing" he added with a wink.

     Rowan chuckled softly, "I'm sorry. Now what's this I hear about you getting drunk and sparring? That's never a good idea is it..."

      Adam's eyes lit up with humor. "Actually I think it was a fantastic idea. Last night after many many drinks, me and another soldier had a bet going. We wanted to see who could stay on their feet the longest.  Well, I lost obviously.  But in trying to break my fall, I broke my arm." 

     Rowan began applying the balm, "well the surgeon did a beautiful job setting it for you, and I'll leave the balm with you to use when it starts to ache again."

     "Lady Rowan, I don't mean to stick my nose into your business.... but word travels quickly. I've seen the man from Orlais. He's a prat. He left the tavern last night with two barmaids. If the Commander had me scrubbing latrines for 7 days, Maker I can't imagine what'd he do to that guy."

     Rowan couldn't help but laugh at Adam's commentary.  "If he had the option to do what he wanted, Thomas would have been thrown over the walls of Skyhold. But of course, nothing is that simple."

     Adam thought for a moment,  "well if you ever get tired of both and want to talk about it, come find me. But don't tell Commander Cullen I said that. Maker I'm not sure I can even do latrine duty with one working arm."

     Rowan laughed at this and stood to leave, "thank you Adam and I promise your secret is safe with me." 

                   ****************************

     Cullen was making his way across the main hall when suddenly a small man jetted in front of him, "Monsieur Rutherford,  Lord Thomas Buchanan has requested your presence in the gardens at once."

     Cullen used every ounce of self restraint to hold in a snort and an eyeroll.  "Oh? Well I am the Commander of the Inquisition and I have little time to have idle chit chats in the gardens."

     The small little man huffed and said, "of course Commander Rutherford.  It will only be but a few moments. "

     Cullen sighed and allowed the man to lead the way.

     When he arrived it was only Thomas sitting at a small table in the morning sun. He stood upon Cullen's arrival and smiled, "Commander Cullen,  it is an honor.  I'm afraid we haven't had a chance to meet personally and I thought it a shame. " 

     Cullen made little effort to show a friendly disposition.  "Yes, it is difficult for me to entertain nobility in the gardens or the main hall due to commanding the largest army in Thedas. I'm sure you understand. "

     Thomas acted unaffected.  "Please Commander,  I will only be a moment.  Have a seat." Both men sat across from the other at the table. 

     "Let me cut to the chase. I am aware of your courtship of Rowan. What can I do to get you to end it?"

      "Excuse me?"

     "Don't act foolish Commander.  I am a very wealthy man. I can give you just about anything.  Gold? Beautiful women? Orlesian fashion designers? An estate? All of it? Its yours. Just end this silly courtship so I can take Rowan home with me."

     Cullen was truly floored. This disgusting shallow man really thought he'd sit and offer a payment in exchange for Rowan? He clenched his fists tightly and his jaw flexed. "You think you can pay me to hand over Rowan to you?"

     "Of course not, I think I can pay you to break her heart and I will be there to make everything better. She won't want to stay here. I'll convince her to leave with me. I can protect her from her brother's enemies and give her a life of luxury." He sat back smugly in his chair. He said all these things as nonchalantly as speaking about the weather. 

     Cullen stood up from his chair and placed both hands on the table, lowering his head and meeting the gaze of Thomas. His eyes, dangerous and intimidating. Thomas shifted uncomfortably in his chair. In a low and eerily calm voice Cullen said,

     "You could offer me all the gold in the world and then you can shove it up your noble ass. I  ** _love_** her. And nobody but Rowan can end what we have. NEVER speak of this to me again. I will not tell you twice." 

     He stood to full height never breaking eye contact and finally turned and boomed through the gardens like a thundercloud. 

     Thomas sat in his chair. The Commander surprised him. He cares for her- no, he _loves_ her. This was going to be harder than he thought.

                     ***************************

     Cullen sparred with the 6th soldier in a row. His men looked terrified and he didn't feel tired at all.  He was ready for 6 more. Finally,  he took pity on them and allowed them a water break.

      He ran over the earlier conversation in the gardens. He said he loved her. And he didn't even say it to her! It was to that cock! He should tell her. Soon. Because Maker he did. He did love her. 


	34. Chapter 34

    " He offered  ** _what?_** " Max bellowed out in the war room. Josephine jumped a bit while Leliana seemed completely unaffected.  Cullen stood stoically but the hard set of his jaw showed how furious he still was. Rowan stood for a moment rolling around what Cullen had told them all. Thomas was trying to pay him off. 

     Everyone was surprised when following a few moments of tense silence,  Rowan started laughing hysterically.  Max frowned, "Row I am failing to see the humor in this."

      "I'm sorry!" She breathed out, "its just that, he clearly hasn't dealt with someone as stubborn as Cullen" and she began to lose herself in laughter once again. Leliana couldn't contain the small smirk playing on her lips, "yes, he clearly doesn't understand his enemy as he offered the finest Orlesian tailor" this got Josephine giggling behind her hand and even Max began to grin from ear to ear. 

     Cullen still looked as serious as ever. "Rowan this isn't a laughing matter. The man still clearly thinks he is going to sweep you off to Orlais with him." His expression borderlined a pout and it was so adorable Rowan felt her head spin. 

      "I know, I know, I'm sorry Cullen" she managed to get out between laughs. She finally calmed herself and added, "what he did doesn't surprise me." 

       Josephine chimed in, "our negotiations with him are almost complete.  He hasn't used Rowan as a pawn in the negotiations......yet."

     "I assume this will be his last tactic. Get us to the point of having a contract,  then insisting on a marriage agreement between himself and Rowan." Leliana added.

       Max huffed, "we've been doing just fine with his supplies why must we act like we're in such a need for them now? Let's kick that man's ass out of Skyhold. Rowan or Cullen can have the honor of that assignment."

        "Inquisitor,  we don't need his supplies BUT they would benefit our organization greatly. Its an opportunity we must at least try for. We can keep our fingers crossed that he will keep his business and personal matters separate during negotiations." 

         The advisors and Inquisitor closed out the meeting and left Cullen and Rowan in the war room alone. He rubbed his neck and sighed.

      "Do you have any idea the amount of self-restraint I had to use today?"

     Rowan smirked and walked up to him, encircling her arms around his waist. "I can't imagine. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this ridiculous mess. Are you sure you want to continue this? Being with me?  So far, I've only brought you problems. " She looked uncertain and her eyes wavered.

     Cullen pulled her arms away and held her hands as he said, "you can't be serious. You and only you, have given me reason to smile again. You're all I think about. I couldn't imagine walking away now, Rowan I'm....."

He sighed and looked unsure. She stared into his face patiently waiting.  _its now or never Rutherford_

,"Rowan I'm in love you."


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the smut train! #choochoo

     It was so quiet a you could hear the wind humming through Skyhold. Cullen's words surged through Rowan's mind and heated every inch of her body and she began to shake ever so slightly.  Cullen waited for a response,  anything really,  and began to lose his already shaky confidence. 

     "You don't have to say any-"

She threw herself against him, kissing him madly. Everything went from painfully still to all heated movement in an instant.  Rowan began dismantling the layers of armor that covered Cullen. In just a few swift movements,  he stood shirtless and suddenly realized what she was attempting to do. _In the war room_. He went to ask her if she really wanted to do this  _here_ but as he went to open his mouth, her hand had made its way into his pants and was working his already hard length. " _fuck Rowan"_ he panted into her shoulder as his head bowed at the sensation. 

          No no no, he had to ask! "Rowan, mmmmmm, Row- fuck! Are you sure ooohhhh fuck, you want to do this here?"

       A wicked, lustful grin spread across her face. She removed her body from his (he had to fight to not visibly pout at this) and she slowly made her way to the door. He thought she was leaving  _Maker no!_ But instead, her hand latched the lock on the door. Then she slowly walked back to him and began undressing. 

     Cullen stood and watched with dark hungry eyes as she peeled away every piece of clothing. Finally,  she stood completely bare in front of him. His mouth slightly dropped. "Maker Rowan but you are beautiful. " she smiled slightly at him and closed the distance between them. He placed his hands on her hips and turned her around so that her back was to the war table. He let his hands wander her body, he felt every soft curve, firm angle, and made note of how she reacted when his hands reached somewhere new. 

       Finally he couldn't wait any longer (not to mention they couldn't stay in the  war room all night). He hoisted her up to the table,  sweeping aside all the pieces that had been placed on the map.  She shoved his pants down his legs and she ran her hands up and down his perfectly sculpted torso. Never had she seen a more perfect man. He placed himself at her entrance and with their foreheads touching he asked one more time, "this is what you want?" " _yes Cullen please_ " she whimpered. 

      He pushed himself in slowly,  taking in every sensation. She was fire and velvet and everything he'd imagined. He lay her flat on the table and leaned over her peppering kisses everywhere his mouth could land. Her hands ran through his hair and her hips met every thrust. They moved in a rhythmic heated pace and Rowan quickly felt herself climbing to her peak. Cullen was barely hanging on when he told her ,"come for me love" and that was what she needed to push her over the edge. She cried out his name as her fingers dug into his shoulders and he roared with his own climax into the side of her throat. They lay atop one another sweaty and satisfied, feeling their chests heaving against the other.  Rowan finally said barely above a whisper, "I'm in love with you too Cullen." He smiled wide into her neck and gave it a soft kiss. 

      He stood and pulled up his pants and helped her to her feet. He cupped her face in his hands and he kissed her again, softly and slowly . They dressed and tried to place the markers back in their original spots but they both knew there would be some questions about it tomorrow.  Before they turned to leave the room, Rowan stopped and spun around, "will you come to my room tonight? If you can that is.."

"Maker of course I will." Cullen said with such enthusiasm Rowan giggled. "But first we have to make it past Josie's office without looking suspicious .

      "Maker that's going to be impossible. "


	36. Chapter 36

     Leliana laid out the report to the Inquisitor.  "Just sum it up for me Leliana."

      "We searched for Rowan's records in the Ostwick circle, rather, what remains of the circle. Everyone's records were there, except hers."

      "Dammit! Who would take them?"

"My scouts found this near the records..."

      She held out a broken handle that most likely belonged to a dagger. "What am I looking at?"

"The sigil is of House Bartrand."

     "You mean.... "

"Someone on Thomas's behalf took her  records. I suspect he is going to threaten to alert the chantry to who your sister is. This could cause... complications for us."

     Max tapped his fingers against the report, his head was whirling. "What's our next move?"

     "I'm not sure yet Inquisitor.  My agents are trying to figure out what he plans do with it exactly.  It would do him no good if the chantry becomes involved. However, we suspect he has connections that would play along  in a blackmail scenario.  A kind of 'marry me or else'. But we cannot say for sure." 

     "Perhaps I should send her away? Somewhere safe and secret?" 

     "I doubt we could pull that off now. I'm sure he has his own spies watching." 

     "Then what the fuck do we do Leliana? We can't continue to let this man pull the strings here." He paced the length of the spymaster's table and suddenly stopped, "I'm confronting him with this information.  All of us will. I'm sick of these games." With that, Max stomped off headed for the stairs. His decision was made.

              ********************************

     Rowan was summoned to the Ambassador's office. When she arrived she saw she was in great company.  Cullen, Max, Josephine,  Leliana,  Cassandra.... and then Thomas. 

     "Ah Lady Rowan, please have a seat." Josephine ushered her over to a long table that had been placed in front of the fire. She was seated between Cullen and Max. Thomas sat across from them. 

     Max was the first to speak, "Lord Bartrand, it has come to my repeated attention that you seek the hand of my sister. You need to know that the Inquisition does not make such betrothals. We are a sovereign entity that must maintain equal relations with every House and  country in Thedas. Marrying my sister  off to a noble house would cause great complications. "

     "I do not see a complication.  I see a situation that benefits us all. Rowan and I have history.  She loved me once. She will grow to love me again. The Inquisition gains a powerful ally....as do I."

      Rowan was seething,  "you forget I have a say in this Thomas and I have given you my answer."

     "You forget you have quite the dark history my love. A history the chantry would be very interested to be reminded of."

      Cullen, dangerously calm, as if he could snap Thomas's neck and not think a thing of it said, "her past is not something she should be punished for. The chantry is who should be ashamed. "

      "If her story is true. There are no witnesses to what actually happened.  Because everyone is dead, except her. Sound familiar?"

     Thomas looked pointedly at Max. Max had to take long steady breaths to keep himself composed. "How  _dare_ you. Do you have any idea what I have sacrificed for this cause? I will not be blackmailed in my own fucking castle! " he slammed his fist down onto the table. 

     Cullen sat for a moment when a thought came to him. Calmly he stood up and walked near the fireplace.  Mind made up he turned around and said, "Thomas, all of this is for naught.  We wanted to wait to tell you all..... but Rowan and I are already married. We wed  in secret only days ago. She's with child." 

     Everyone's jaw fell to the floor, except Rowan, who knew this was all a lie and immediately started playing along.  "Its true. I hate that you all had to be informed this way because of this man's inability to take no for an answer."

      "BULLSHIT! You are not married or pregnant! You really think I'll just pack up and go because of this?"

      Leliana, with a glimmer in her eye said coolly,  "of course not my lord. Stay as long as you like. You can see for yourself their loving and Maker approved relationship. "

      Thomas stood and made for the door. "I will do just that. I will decide the truth for myself." He slammed the door behind him. 

     Leliana smirked and turned to Cullen, "Commander, you may be a fine player in the Game just yet."

      Cassandra was horribly confused.  "What in the Maker is happening?"

      Leliana explained,  "Thomas will not want the responsibility of raising another man's child. Not to mention the scandal of taking another man's wife. Especially a man in a prominent position as the Commander.  He will stay for a few weeks. I'm sure he thinks that if this is fake, he will pull out the blackmail card with Rowan's records.  However, we now have the advantage.  Cullen, whether he realized it or not, has bought us time. My agents will locate those records and destroy them."

     Max started laughing and slapped Cullen on the back, " Cullen perhaps we should make you our newest Ambassador?"

     Josephine cleared her throat,  "I think not Inquisitor.  Commander,  you must keep in mind that Rowan is now your 'wife'. You must share quarters, and you must play the part of newlyweds. Many eyes will be on you both."

     Once the meeting was over, Cullen and Rowan were alone, walking the empty main hall. "I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable. " Cullen said softly. Rowan turned and faced him, "not at all. Come, let's go back to my -sorry- OUR room Commander."

     "That's husband to you now woman"

Rowan punched him in the arm

"Ow! Maker already fed up with me?" Cullen gave her a boyish grin and  Rowan laughed, "no, not even close. Come, I'll show you who wears the pants in our quarters.  I'll give you a hint: no one." She winked and strolled ahead of him. 

 _Maker's Breath_ Cullen mumbled as he trailed after her.

 


	37. Hands Not Afraid of Blood

     Cullen finally moved the last of his things into Rowan's much larger room. His office was still in his tower of course but his personal belongings were now tucked in snuggly with Rowan's.  He deeply inhaled her scent. The entire room smelled of orange blossoms and something uniquely  _her._ A fire roared in the fireplace and the room was warm and cozy. 

     When Rowan emerged from the connected washroom, she was wearing only an off white nightgown. The neckline plunging low and  wrapping around her neck. It framed her curves softly and stopped just above the knee. Her hair had grown now so that it hung just below her chin. He smiled at the memory of when he first met her and it had been a mop of curls piled shortly on her head. 

     "Lost in thought?" She asked as she walked softly over to the table that held a bottle of wine and her glass. She poured the wine and she drank deeply from the glass. She closed her eyes and exhaled audibly.  Cullen smirked,  "a little..... are you trying to relax?"

     She smiled, "it has been something  of a wild ride hasn't it? I wonder, knowing what  you do now, if you could go back, would you have  followed  my brother's  orders?" 

     Cullen, standing opposite of her across the table poured his own glass, "in a heartbeat." 

     She met his eyes and saw the raw honesty there. "I'm sorry you've had to get wrapped up in this. I suppose we can both blame my brother for becoming your Inquisitor.  If wasn't for him, Thomas and the Chantry wouldn't be an issue." She laughed lightly. 

     "No. I should thank the man. He brought you to me. You may be a difficult woman but Maker I can't imagine wanting anything less. Thomas may want the prestige of being married to the sister of the most powerful man in Thedas.... but I think somewhere,  deep down, he knows no woman is your equal."

     He finished his glass as he stared into the fire. "This is something I came to realize very early on after meeting you. I will not make his mistake. I would never let you go, unless you decided that's what you wanted." A look of insecurity flashed across his handsome face. 

     Rowan set down her glass and pulled him to face her. One hand on his shoulder the other softly caressing the side of his face. "I've had lovers Cullen. Thomas included. I've never felt the way I do when I'm with you. If we have to put on this charade for him... let's run with it."

     She kissed his lips softly, delicately.  Then his cheek, the tip of his nose, reaching up to his forehead. "Will my husband show his wife how much he loves her?" She smiled seductively at him. 

     His eyes burned with his desire. He felt his body set fire at these words. Hearing her say 'my husband ' to him.... it drove him mad. He felt an honor and a sense of possession.  She was  _his_. He had to take control of his thoughts...this wasn't real afterall. They weren't married, she wasn't carrying his child. But Maker, it felt  _right_ to think it was real. 

     He crashed his lips onto hers and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and  he carried her to her-no,  _their_ bed. They stayed there worshipping one another well in the early morning hours. 

                 *******************************

     Rowan awoke the next morning to find Cullen already gone. A note had been placed on the pillow beside her:

_Rowan,_

_Despite being exhausted this morning from your insatiable lust (get ahold of yourself woman) I had to pull myself from my pillow to make sure these soldiers can carry a sword. I'll be thinking of you often. Always. (Especially that thing you do with your tongue)_

_All my love_

_-Cullen_

     She smiled at his note and sighed. Maker and  Creators was she turning into a lovesick girl? The thought of waking beside him everyday thrilled her. She never thought something so mundane could cause so much contentment.  

     There was still the lingering issue of Thomas and her past with the circle. She dressed slowly. Her mind ticked in calculated precision.  She would rid herself of this man. One way or another. He would not jeopardize this happiness she had found. He would not lock her in a gilded cage destined to be a wife so he could gain political advantage.  She would not be shackled by the chantry. It was time Thomas Bertrand was out of the picture.

     It was time for Rowan to take the matter into her own hands. Her hands were not afraid of blood. 


	38. Chapter 38

     Rowan walked the spiral stairs up to Leliana's office. The Orlesian spy master was standing closely to a scout and speaking in hushed tones. Her blue eyes cut to Rowan upon hearing her approach. 

     "Lady Rowan, what brings you to the rookery this morning?"

     Rowan gave a pointed look in the direction of the scout, who quickly took a hint and darted off.  _Something the spymaster didn't teach Scout Jim_ Rowan thought to herself.  She walked slowly to the table that had Leliana's reports laid out and she thought carefully about her next words.

     "What is the progress on finding my circle documents?" 

     "We have been trying to figure out if they are here at Skyhold or at Thomas' estate in Orlais. We've searched his room and found nothing. However, he has several people here who could be holding them. Of course, they could have the documents on their person at any given moment as well. Which would make it much harder to retrieve. "

     Rowan tapped her fingers on the table rolling over the Leliana's words. The spymaster watched her curiously before asking, "is there something you would like to add to our investigation?" 

     Rowan's face grew dark and lowly she said, "I want those documents and I want Thomas out of my life. If he were to 'disappear ' both of my problems would disappear with him."

     "Do you not think his family would be suspicious? They would demand an investigation. "

     "I want to be free of this." Rowan said in a steely voice.

     "Are you familiar with his estate?"

"Yes, unfortunately. "

     "Then who better to search it?"

"My brother would not al-...."

     "I'll handle your brother,  but if you search Thomas' estate while my scouts monitor the situation here, we WILL find the documents."

     Rowan nodded. "Very well. I'll leave immediately."

                 *****************************

"Commander! A message for you sir!"

     Cullen opened the small letter and immediately knew it was Rowan's writing.

_Cullen,_

_I'm sorry I didn't get to see you in person on this matter. I am leaving (by the time you read this I'll already be gone). I am searching for my circle documents.  I will not let Thomas ruin this happiness I have found here. I will not let it ruin what I have found with YOU. Please do not worry. I know what I am doing. See Leliana for more details. I will think of you every moment. I will write you as soon as I can._

_All my love,_

_-Rowan_

"Scout Jim?!"

"Yes sir!"

     "Where the FUCK is the spymaster?!"

                 ******************************

     "How could you let her do this without consulting me first Leli?!" Max was livid upon hearing the news that Rowan had left. 

     Cullen's jaw was set so hard Max thought his teeth would break. "Yes indeed, Leliana.  And ALONE?" It was the first thing he had said since storming into the war room and slapping the note down onto the table for Max to read.

     "Rowan has grown impatient.  I feared she'd slit the man's throat in his sleep.  We needed the estate searched and she needed to be out of reach of Thomas' main arteries" Leliana said coolly. 

     Max rubbed his temples. "What if the enemy finds her?"

     "All information points to her being here. She slipped out without alerting anyone,  including my spies. She's quite good Inquisitor. "

     Cullen slammed a fist onto the table. "This is that fucking Thomas' fault. I swear on Andraste I will kill him if anything happens to her." 

     Max hummed in agreement "and I will happily let you."

     "You boys forget this is a woman who has successfully avoided the chantry and templars for 10 years, she single handedly killed several mages after they murdered her friend.  She's lived on her own  _surviving_ without anyone's help. I know you both want to protect her. But she doesn't require it as much as you think."

     Leliana gave one last pointed look and strolled out of the war room. 


	39. Letters

      It had been pouring rain for days. Rowan was at least 2 days out from Thomas' estate. She had set up a small camp on the outskirts of the Emerald Graves. Green was the dominant color as far as the eye could see. It was peaceful.  A gray sky against the deep forest green and the sound of the soft rainfall. She laid in her tent to stay dry and warm but left the entrance flap lifted to take in the view.

     It had been over 6 months since Cullen had found her in that old Inn in Fereldan. A half year since she'd been out like this, on her own in the wilderness.  A part of her had missed it. This had been her life for years. Skyhold was a drastic change.

     She sighed and took a piece of parchment and began to write:

     _Cullen,_

_I heard you were quite upset with our Spymaster. Please do not hold this against her. She's helping me. She's helping us both really.  Honestly,  I would've done something far more drastic if not for her._

_I do wish you were beside me now. But not safe in Skyhold. Here, with me, in this quiet wood. Its so beautiful.  It's raining now and I feel such a calmness with it._

_Do you ever think of what you will do after the war? Could you ever see yourself somewhere quiet and peaceful? All you've ever known is armies and templars..... do you want a family? A home of your own? I've never heard you speak of such things.  Is it even in your realm of thinking?_

_When I was a girl, Max and I would explore the woods near my home. He would always play a dashing prince and I was an evil witch. I always placed a curse on him in which he would never be able to find true love and have a family all his own. He would be alone for all his days._

_This went on for some time. One day he asked me, losing his prince character of course, 'Row why is that always the curse?' I told him it was the most evil  thing I could think of to curse someone with._

_Now here I have lived for a decade alone. No family or home to call my own. Then I met you. I came to Skyhold. My world is changing.  I can't let anyone stop that.  Now I see that my curse wasn't the most evil thing in the world. Its far worse to taste that happiness and have someone rip it away._

_I hope this makes some sense. I'm tired and needing rest I suppose. Please take care of yourself, eat and sleep for Maker's sake. Tell Dorian to have a bottle of wine ready for me. And please keep my bed warm._

_All my love_

_-Rowan_

_***************************************_

     Cullen sat the letter down and rubbed his forehead.  She'd been gone for a couple weeks and he missed her. It was like an ache in his chest that never stopped.  

     Lord Thomas was becoming restless. He had been told Rowan was on strict bedrest due to 'pregnancy complications ' as a way to explain her prolonged absence.  He seemed suspicious but how could he argue really?

     His men were constantly lurking about hoping to catch Cullen in the arms of a lover. Cullen couldn't help but roll his eyes whenever one was too obvious in their spying.  

     Hw laid out a piece of parchment and responded to Rowan,

_Rowan,_

_I assume this raven Leliana calls "Sir Caw" knows where to find you and deliver this letter._

_Maker I miss you. I've been sleeping in our bed and I can catch the scent of your perfume every now and then. When I am tired from a day of duties... I think of our room and your perfume. That is home for me._

_You asked what I think about for the future. I admit, it has been difficult to think too far ahead. I've never pictured myself in a home of my own with a family. That is until recently..... now the thought has crossed my mind more times than I care to admit._

_Before joining the order, I was just a simple Fereldan farm boy. Sometimes I long for simpler times like those._

_I understand having to protect what happiness you have found. I understand completely.  It is why I am so protective of YOU. There is so much we should discuss when you return.  Please be safe. You are my future now, if you'll have me._

_Yours,_

* * *

 

_-Cullen_

 


	40. Puzzles Coming Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warning ***  
> Mentions and minor descriptions of physical and sexual abuse.

     Rowan stared up at the estate with unease. The last time she had seen it was when Thomas had told her he was going to marry the woman his family had selected. Her heart had been broken. The estate though very beautiful,  made her sick.

     She needed a way into the mansion and had an idea of how'd she go about it. During her many secret visits,  she made a friend in the servant's quarters. Myra. She was a city elf who had spent most of her life as a servant to the Bartrands. They had bonded over their mutual feelings of being an outcast.  Myra was a pretty girl. Long red hair and bright blue eyes. Her elven frame extra petite.  Rowan smiled at the thought of seeing her again.

     She waited near the stables where  Myra frequented often. Rowan hoped she still kept up this routine. Just when she thought she wouldn't show,  a flash of red hair caught her eye. Sure enough, Myra came across the open cut green grass towards the stables. She carried a basket with at least a dozen carrots sticking out every which way. 

      She came to the first horses stall and sat her carrots down. She began speaking softly to the horse and offering him his snack. 

     "Its good to know some things never change" Rowan said softly.

     Myra was startled but quickly recognized Rowan. "Rowan! Holy Andraste I can't believe it! She turned and faced her head on. Rowan gasped when the right side of Myra's face came into view. 

     Her eye was almost swollen shut. Purple, blue, and black peppered the side of her face and neck. 

"Myra what happened? Who did this?!" Rowan reached out her hand and a glow came from her fingertips to heal the painful looking marks. Myra winced and took a step back.

" please, don't heal it. There's no use.  If he sees a clean slate he'll just want to mark it up again. I've found that when I let the bruises linger, he goes a few days without hitting me again."

     Rowan's mouth was hanging open in shock. "Myra, who did this?" 

     "It isn't Thomas. In fact he's supposed to be bringing you here." She looked around nervously.  "Do you know what's going on?"

     Rowan nodded slowly. "Some, but I suspect there is more to this... Thomas has demanded I marry him. It has also come to my attention that my records from Ostwick Circle are missing. I feel Thomas has something to do with it."

     Myra nodded and lowering her voice to a whisper,  "did you ever wonder who tipped him off? Thomas was enjoying being the playboy of Orlais. Until a letter arrived..... suddenly he became obsessed with finding you. Marrying you. Then  _he_ arrived.  He's been growing impatient with Thomas. He wanted this all done and wrapped up so he could focus on the Inquisitor and Empress Celene." 

     "Myra who is this man? And what do you mean my brother and the Empress? Does he mean to kill them?"

     "Maker no, he wants them married." Her eyes were wide and glistening with unshed tears. "He hurts me Rowan. Every night I am brought to his chambers. I can't bare it any longer. He's hurt me in so many ways.... I'd take a beating everyday if it meant I didn't have to feel his touch ever again."

     Tears flowed from her face now. She spoke the next words slowly, "there is no easy way to tell you...Rowan... its Lord Trevelyan. "

     Rowan felt all the air escape her lungs. She had fell out of a tree once as a girl. The impact knocked the wind out of her and as she lay on her back she wondered if she'd ever breathe again. 

     Now she was afraid to breathe.  Afraid to move, afraid to talk. It all made sense. He told Thomas to retrieve the documents.  He wanted to see her married off to a noble and Thomas had a history with her. He probably thought it would be an easy play. Once she was married into a high noble Orlesian family,  Empress Celene and Max would have the added pressure to marry one another. Completing the Trevelyan path to royalty.  

     Added to this blow, was Myra standing before her, beaten, in tears because of the abuse at the hands of her step father.  She was shaking with fury now. He had caused everything that had went wrong in her life. If he had not abused her and Max, her magic wouldn't have been discovered.  She never would have gone to the circle. Never been tortured,  Bran would be alive and well. Myra would be the happy bubbly elf Rowan had known so well. Cullen and Rowan would be happy in each other's arms. 

     Lord Trevelyan had caused many years of pain for many people. Rowan decided then and there, she would end his reign of terror. She would send Thomas back into the hole he crawled out of. And Maker have mercy on anyone who tried to stop her.


	41. Chapter 41

     Three drops of Blood Lotus, 4 drops of Bella Donna. That's all it takes to kill a grown man in 5 minutes. The combination of the two plants creates an extra deadly poison. She'd learned this during her many years of working as a healer and listening to the herbalists prattle off about what herbs were safe to mix and which were not.

     Lord Trevelyan loved his Brandy. He kept it in every room at the Trevelyan estate in a large glass decanter.  Rowan counted on him still maintaining this old habit, even if at another's home.

                 ******************************

     Lord Trevelyan walked into his large guest room that he'd been given by Thomas. It wasn't as grand as his bedroom in the Free Marches,  but it was satisfactory.  It mattered not anyways.  Soon, his 'daughter' would be married off to the spoiled brat. Then he would make his  true power play. His son would someday marry the Empress. The Trevelyan name officially becoming royalty. 

     He shut the heavy oak door behind him and walked over to his small bedroom library. Three large bookshelves lined the wall and on the adjoining wall; a fireplace with his Brandy. He beelined for the liquor and  poured a glass. He drank from the crystal tumbler deeply and exhaled audibly when he polished off the drink.

     "Old habits die hard my Lord." 

He spun on his heel and his eyes widened in surprise.  He quickly schooled his face back into a mask of calm arrogance. 

     "Rowan. It has been a very long time."

"Not long  enough unfortunately. " Rowan said lowly.

     He chuckled at this.  "Ah, still sore about a few beatings eh? You really need to let that go my dear. We're family afterall."

     Rowan scoffed, "Does mother  know what you have been up to?" 

     "She knows where I am of course but not why. She needn't concern herself with such things. I take it you've come to your senses and agreed to the marriage proposal? I thought I was going to have to hire assassins to murder that Commander I hear you're so fond of."

     Rowan bared her teeth and withdrew a dagger. "After I killed any man you sent I'd come for your head next. You're lucky I don't slit your throat now."

     "Oh my stupid knife ear daughter. There are armed guards just a few feet away. Even if you managed to hurt me, they'd hear it and apprehend you." 

     "Why couldn't you leave us alone?" She said it so softly it was almost childlike,  innocent even.

     "No matter where you and your brother go, you both carry  _my_ name. As long as I'm living, you will bend to my will. I will not allow-"

     He began coughing.  He couldn't stop. He drank from a glass of water but the coughing only continued.  The coughing turned into a wheeze, then finally a desperation to breathe. 

     He lay in the floor now in front of the fireplace,  confusion across his red struggling face. 

    Rowan walked calmly over and sat cross legged in the floor next to him, placing a hand on his cheek.

     "I know. You'll never leave us be. You think our whole purpose of existence is to serve your whims and  fancies.  That's why I had to be rid of you." She leaned down and whispered into his ear, "poison is so easy to slip into a man's favorite drink. Everyone will think you died of natural causes. Perhaps a failure of your heart? At your age it is quite common."

     His eyes widened and he tried to speak, but nothing would come out.

     "It's alright now. I'll make sure Max is taken care of. Mother too. Know this: no one will mourn your death. You have been a blight on  this world and those who knew you will rejoice in your passing."

      She watched as the light  faded from his eyes. She checked his pulse and knew he was gone. Quickly she searched his room. Drawers, under the bed, between the mattress.  Finally,  she searched the armoire.  Inside, a small plain wooden box. She opened it, her hands shaking. Sure enough there lay official documents from the Circle of Ostwick.  She found them. She almost burst into tears. It was over.

     She walked slowly to the window, and slithered down the lattice into the night.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the smut train!!! #choochoo   
> Chapter notes at the end;)

     Cullen was sitting at his desk trying to finish his reports.  He rubbed his  head and was about to call it a night when he heard a knock at his door. "Enter"

     "Commander sir, you've been requested in your quarters."

    Cullen sat slightly confused.  "By who Jim? We spoke about your lack of details." 

      "I'm sorry sir, I was told not to tell. " He winced as if waiting for a verbal battering. Instead,  Cullen sighed, "well I suppose if the order overrides my questions, they must be of high priority. "

     "Thank you sir !" And the scout scampered off as if afraid Cullen would change his mind. 

     He dragged himself to his feet and quickly downed a shot of whiskey hoping it would take the edge off of his building headache. He walked across the battlements and opened the door to his and Rowan's room. 

     

     "Fancy meeting you here Commander. " Rowan smirked from across the room. Cullen all but ran to her and picked her up, spinning her around in a tight  embrace. "Thank the Maker you're back." He placed her back down and kissed her deeply. Finally they pulled away breathless. 

     "What happened?"

"We no longer have to worry about Thomas or the Chantry." She smiled as she pulled out the documents from her bag.

"Rowan this is wonderful! How did you find them? Where did you find them?"

     He thought he saw a shadow pass over her face then quickly dissipate.  She smiled softly and kissed him slowly. Pulling back she said, "not tonight.  I just want to show you how much I missed you because _Maker_ help me I did." 

     "Alright,  how could I say no?" Cullen murmured into her hair.  She took a small step back and lifted her nightgown over her head. He inhaled sharply at the sight of her naked form in front  of him bathed in firelight. He could stare for a thousand years and never grow tired of it. Yet, his body ached for more. It propelled him forward to touch her, all of her. 

     "Your armor is still on Cullen, off with it." She said it not demanding, but almost pleading. He quickly dismantled and stood only in his trousers. She grabbed his hand and walked him over to the oversized chair near the fire. "Sit" she whispered. 

       Like an obedient Mabari he did just  that. She stood in front of him, running her hands down his chest and hard stomach. Finally, she reached the top of his pants and unfastened them slowly. Cullen was breathing hard now as he watched her lower herself to her knees so that she kneeled in front of him.

     With careful hands, she removed his ready, hard, length from his pants. She looked him in the eye as she leaned forward, "You are all I thought about. I would do anything for you Cullen. You know this yes?"

     His hands dug into the arm rests of the chair. Her mouth was so close to his cock he could feel her breath against it as she spoke. It was amazing and torturous all at once. "All I want is you to be happy Rowan. I require nothing from you. But I want  _everything_ from you." 

     She smiled and then placed a soft kiss on his shaft before taking him in her mouth completely.  She worked him until he was unable to keep the sounds from escaping his lips. He placed his  hands on her head and used every ounce of willpower not to thrust deeper into her mouth. Finally,  he stopped her. "Wait! I want to be inside you."

     She smiled, "anything you want Cullen." She climbed atop him, straddling his lap. She slowly lowered herself onto him and they both groaned as they melded together.  She began riding him slowly and picked up the pace. It wasn't long before they both were at their climax. "Fuck Rowan! I want to feel you come!" He panted and half demanded.  It sent her over the edge and she crumpled onto his shoulder as she screamed his name, Cullen following along right after.  They stayed in this position for some time feeling each other's hearts pounding and listening to their breathing slow to a steady pace.

     After sometime, Cullen smirked at her and said, "So, shall I show you how much I missed  _you?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a steamy reunion! Is anyone curious to know how Cullen and Max will react to Rowan's handling of Lord Trevelyan???? Annnnnnnd, Thomas still has his coming too...... Rowan can be ruthless when those she cares about are harmed or threatened.


	43. Chapter 43

     They had stayed up for sometime relishing each others bodies, then one another's words. Finally Cullen drifted into a deep blissful sleep. Rowan watched him for a few moments. She admired his perfect profile, the rugged scar that grazed his upper lip, the way his hair was out of place and slight curls were popping up around his head. She watched his chest fall up and down and admired the hard planes embellished with old scars. 

     She finally pulled herself quietly from their bed and slipped on her clothes and boots. Only light leggings and a tunic with soft leather boots. She had to be silent. She sheathed her daggers and grabbed the documents that she'd shed blood for.

     She made her way out of the room and into the shadows of Skyhold. The fortress was silent tonight. A few guards patrolled the battlements but she avoided them with ease. She found the door to Thomas' room, picked the lock, entered, and closed the door behind her.

     He lay sprawled across the bed on his back. Still clothed but disheveled.  Evidence of an earlier private party everywhere.  A woman's breastband left forgotten on the floor. Another one on the desk. Wine bottles littered the floor and one in his hand. His pants were up but unlaced, his shirt unbuttoned and his chest revealed. 

     There was a time when she would have found herself uncontrollably attracted to him. Even now, she could see he was clearly handsome. She inched closer. Memories of him flooded her mind. Walks alone by the river on his estate...... passionate sex on expensive blankets thrown on the river bank...... sneaking into his mansion through the servants quarters..... planning their future together...... him painting her while she soaked in the afternoon sun..... she climbed atop him. She straddled him and ran her hands down his chest. His eye lashes fluttered and then opened. 

      He looked dazed and then the realization of who was atop him. In a gravely, slightly slurred voice he said, "Rowan? Mmmmmm I knew you'd come around." He placed his hands on her hips and began thrusting into her slowly. She smiled, "mmmmmm, yes, it feels good" 

     His breath coming heavier as he continued his movement,  "tell me.... what feels good? I want to hear it."

      "You...me...and this knife at your throat."

She pulled the dagger in a blink of an eye and held it to his throat.


	44. Chapter 44

     "You fucking bitch!" Thomas hissed between his teeth. He dared not to move even the slightest because Rowan's dagger was pressed tightly against his skin.  She smiled slowly at him and never broke her gaze. 

     "I found something interesting Thomas..... tell me why would my father need these?" With her free hand she pulled out from under her shirt the chantry documents.  She waved them in front of his face and smiled sweetly. 

     "I don't know what you're talking about." Rowan  slightly pulled her dagger to the right so that it drew a faint line of blood. "Ah fuck! Alright! Your father contacted me. He asked me to help him. So what?! I missed you! And this marriage benefits us BOTH." 

     "Lord Trevelyan's part in all this is over now. Did you know what he was doing to Myra?"

     Thomas' eyes became frantic, "I told him to be kind  her to her I did! But I wasn't going to sacrifice this arrangement for a fucking elven  _servant._ I knew once you were back at the estate with me that you'd protect her and I would stay in good standing with your father." 

     "You're a COWARD." She seethed. 

Something she'd said suddenly hit Thomas. "What do you mean his part is over now? Just how did you get those documents Rowan?"

     She climbed off him and with a flick of her  wrist the documents burst into flames. Thomas sat and watched as his only means of blackmail turned to ash. "I did what was necessary.  Now, you will leave Skyhold. You will never contact me or anyone connected to me again. You will uphold your promises of trade with our Ambassador.  If you do not..... you will know  _exactly_ what happened to Lord fucking Trevelyan." She threw her dagger so that it skimmed past his head and landed in the wall. 

     "If you killed him..... you're a murderer Rowan Trevelyan.  I will seek justice."

      "I've given you your one and ONLY warning. Cross me again Thomas and you will die."

      She quietly shut his door behind her.

           **************************************

     Max made his way to the war room. He'd been summoned in the middle of the night.  "Somebody better be fucking dying Jim, do you have any idea how late it is?" He had growled to the nervous scout.

     He opened the door and instead of seeing his advisors, he saw only Rowan and Cullen. "What's this all about?" He grumbled but his curiosity awakening  him.

     Cullen looked half asleep and the other half looked extremely nervous. His hair was completely disheveled and he was only in a white cotton tunic with trousers and boots. 

     Rowan cleared her throat and took a shakey breath. Seeming to steady herself she looked Max in the eyes. "There's something I need to tell you. Both of you. I have done something..... I'm not sure how you both will take it. But I promise that I did what was necessary.  What I felt was right in the moment. "

     Max scratched his head and noticed Cullen rubbing the back of his neck. Both men were nervous now. "Well... out with it Rowan." Max said.

     "Max, you know I went to Orlais. To Thomas' estate?" 

    "Yes" 

     "Lord Trevelyan was there. He and Thomas had orchestrated this whole fiasco. He planned to wed me off to Thomas and then begin jockeying for you to marry the Empress."

     "Maker! Father is a fucking FOOL. However, this does not surprise me. Go on."

     "My friend, Myra.... she will be arriving in Skyhold soon. Father had been abusing her. Extensively. She was a mess. If you'd known her before...." Rowan had tears in her eyes now and her voice cracked.

     "Father or no, he must answer for his crimes. I will have him brought here Rowan, do not worry."

     Rowan's shoulders slumped and she looked down. "That is not necessary.  I couldn't allow her another day of pain. I-I killed him Max." The last sentence was barely a whisper. Cullen's eyes went wide. Max stood stunned. 

     A heavy silence filled the room. Rowan shifted from foot to foot. "Well? Say something please"

     Max swallowed deeply, "I'm not sure what to say...... how?"

    "Poison. It mimicks a natural death. There is no proof of foul play." 

     "I.... Maker Rowan what have you done?"

     "He has spent decades hurting others, including me and YOU. Seeing Myra as his latest victim.... I snapped. Then I acted. I am not sorry. But I never meant to hurt you Max."

     "He should've been brought here for justice. Dammit Rowan you are not an executioner! It isn't YOUR CHOICE."

     Her anger flared up, "when someone hurts those close to me or fucks with my life it is MY choice. I found the chantry documents. I destroyed them. Thomas knows his time is up. I warned him tonight. I will not let these people hold sway over me or the Inquisition!"

     Cullen rubbed his temples.  "Perhaps we should awaken Leliana and Josephine. We need their input on how to handle this."

     Max exhaled loudly. "Yes that would be a fantastic idea. I can't wait to tell them my big sister murdered my nobleman father and threatened another. I can't wait to tell them to clean up the mess this may cause. I can't believe you would act so rashly! If word gets out.... do you have any idea what it would do to this organization?! Not to mention you killed my fucking FATHER. He was a bastard but he was still my kin!"

     Rowan felt hot tears spill down her cheeks. She looked at Cullen who looked completely lost. "And what do you have to say about this Cullen?" She croaked out.

      He stood for several moments trying to find the right words. He didn't think her actions were  _wrong_... he would have been tempted to do the same in her place. However, he knew killing those who commit crimes without a proper trial or sentence was a slippery slope into chaos. 

     "Rowan, I have no doubt your intentions were just. However, your actions were also quite rash..."

     She looked at them both with tears and fire in her eyes. "You would criticize my actions while these men have tormented me and others? While people stood by afraid to approach the topic because of their noble station? I ACTED when everyone else has not. Tiptoeing around their crimes and the games they play that actually affect people's fucking  lives!" Flames burst out across her skin and danced up and down her arms. She was losing control and she had to get out there. 

     She bolted out the door and took note that neither man followed her. She ran to her room, grabbed the bag she always kept packed... just in case. Always ready. She quickly and stealthily made her way to the stables, took a horse and raced out of the gates of Skyhold. She would do what she did best. She would run and live a life away from those she cared for most. She was a complication.  She always had been. Max's greatest downfall. It was a mistake agreeing to come here.

      She rode hard. The snow of the mountains began to disappear as the land began to flatten out. The sun now rising in the sky. She would ride until she and her horse could ride no longer. She would continue the life she'd had before Skyhold. She choked back a sob as she thought of honey eyes and warm smiles. 'No, its better this way. Its better for him. Safer.' She thought bitterly. She was not meant for love, for family. No mage really was were they? 


	45. Wake up call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took SO LONG!!! Work had me going crazy. But I'm back! Rowan faces a ghost from her past who forces her to see what she's doing. I see a lot of people and have been guilty myself, of falling back into old patterns because its comfortable. Running away has been her go to move for years everytime the going gets tough. She gets a wake up call from an unexpected source.

     Max stormed through the keep not caring who saw his tantrum.  He walked up the stairs to the library to see Dorian. He'd clear his head whether he liked it or not.

     Dorian sat cross legged sipping a glass of wine and frowning at a book in his lap. "Dorian, I need to talk. NOW." Max plopped into a nearby chair and rubbed at his temples.

     Dorian perked up closing his book, "ah and what great problem weighs on the Inquisitor today? A problem that requires the wisdom and expertise of your handsome Tevinter friend?"

     "Rowan killed my father." Max dead panned.

"I see. Well. That took some balls. Why did she do it? "

     Max spent a few moments explainthe whe situation while Dorian twirled his moustache and sipped from his crystal glass. He occasionally hummed or added an 'I see'.

       When Max finished Dorian asked, "how do you feel about this?"

     Max stood up and began pacing, "I know why she did it. I'm not saying the man didn't deserve it. She did it to stop her friend from being harmed. She did it so I wouldn't be bothered by his schemes, she did it so she could  live in peace. But dammit it wasn't her place! He's my FATHER Dorian no matter how  monstrous." He threw himself back in his chair.

     "So... he repeatedly hurt you, her friend... her.... he was 'monstrous' you say. I believe you've killed people for far less crimes. As have I. Of course you have mixed feelings.  He was your father. But you must look at a greater picture Max. Is your life better with him in it or without? If the answer is without, would you have ever truly be at peace with him alive?"

     "No... the man has tortured me since I can remember. "

     "Are you angry because she killed him, or are you angry that it wasn't you that killed him? She made a choice you could never bring yourself to make. Now, she carries the burden of that choice."

     Max groaned and covered his face with his hands. "Why are you always so  _right?_ " 

     Dorian smiled smugly, "because darling, I am a man of many talents. But mainly, its because I read a lot."

     "I suppose I should find her and apologize. "

  "Inquisitor! Leliana sends an urgent message sir!"

        "Well what is it?"

"Your sister, Lady Rowan.... she's gone. "

                    **************************

Max and the advisors met in the War Room. The news did not go overwell with Cullen.

      "How is she GONE?! For fucks sake we have scouts all over these blasted mountains and nobody knows where she is?!"

     "Commander, blaming my scouts is not going to help. However, I will point out that one of my scouts DID spot her but lost her trail which is how we knew she left to begin with. How did you not know she was gone?" The last question was added with a layer of  coldness that only Leliana could deliver.

     Cullen sputtered,  "I was in my office trying  to finish reports. She was so angry before... I wasn't sure what to do. Maker I should've shown her more  support." He rubbed at his neck trying in vain to ease the tension there.

     Max cleared is throat. "The fault is mainly mine. I did not take the news of her actions well. I was a fool."

     Leliana smirked, "I thought she handled the situation quite well. Lord Trevelyan is dead but nobody is none the wiser as to why. Thomas hasn't left his room, most likely out of fear, especially once  word reached him of your father's death. She made a difficult choice, but the necessary one."

           "I don't care if  she murdered all of Skyhold at this point, I just want to find her!" Cullen bellowed. 

       Josephine sighed and Leliana rolled her eyes. "Commander she was seen taking the main road from Skyhold. More than likely she's made it out of the mountains.  She has a few hours ahead of us now. It isn't much especially because she hasn't had much sleep. I recommend you go after her yourself.  If she feels you and Max are angry, why would she return with my scouts?"

     Cullen nodded firmly, "you're right. Inquisitor,  will you allow it?" 

     "Of course Cullen. Bring her back." He sighed  and hung his head low, "tell her I'm so sorry. She has nothing to fear from me and never will."

     Cullen placed a hand on Max's shoulder and gave it a light  squeeze. Then he turned and left the room.

     "Jim!!! Prepare my horse for travel!"

                   ***************************

     Rowan had stopped by a nearby stream to bathe and make camp. She'd been traveling for hours. The sun was beginning to set and she began to unpack her things from her horse. She yawned and decided to sit down for a moment near the fire. Her eyes growing heavy she felt herself drifting to sleep as her head leaned on the tree she sat against.

         "Hello Rowan." She sat perched on a log facing a roaring fire. This wasn't the same fire she had made. Her's had been small,  barely enough heat to cook. This fire was roaring and hot. She concluded she was in the fade. Then she knew without a doubt she was in the fade when saw the source of the voice.

       Her voice quivered as she peered into beautiful blue eyes, "Bran?"

     He smiled brightly,  "it's been some time hasn't my friend?"

     Rowan shook her head,  "no. This is the fade. You are a demon.  Be gone!" 

      He continued smiling,  "no, I'm no demon Rowan. I just want to help you. I want nothing in return."

     "You're a spirit then?"

"I am whatever you need me to be, I just need you to listen to my message."

       Rowan reached to the man sitting beside her. She took his hand and grasped it lightly. It was warm and comforting just as it had been all those years ago in the tower. 

      "Rowan, do you know why I helped you escape the tower?"

      "You wanted me to survive."

 "No. You were already  _surviving._ I helped you because I wanted you to  _live._ You've been surviving ever since you were brought to the tower and after. It isn't your fault. But now, it's different. "

     She gazed at him in confusion,  "what do you mean?"

     He took his free hand and swept a loose curl from her eyes. "You were living when you were with Cullen. You were happy. Now... you left him and your happiness... your peace."

     She stood up, anger flashing in her eyes. "Cullen deserves better than me Bran. I hurt everyone I get close to. In some way or another. Its better this way. Its better for HIM."

     He remained seated watching her pace, his calm ocean blue eyes twinkling in the firelight. "Cullen deserves to choose his happiness and he has chosen YOU. How could you possibly hurt him by being with him? You hurt him by leaving. You're running again."

     "I have to run, I've always had to run."

"In the past yes, you ran out necessity.  Now you run because you are being a coward."

      His words were spoken softly but unwavering. They cut her deep to her core. 

      She collapsed onto the ground in front of him laying her head in his lap. Sobbing she asked, "what if I'm not who he thinks I am? What if he realizes he hates who I truly am?" 

      "What do you think you are?"

She choked out in a strangled voice, "a mage with magic nobody understands,  a murderer,  a  _problem. "_

      "A murderer? You killed those who would do harm to those who couldn't defend themselves.  Hasn't the Inquisition done the same? On a larger level? How many lives has your brother taken? How many mothers, fathers, sons, daughters,  husbands and wives has he killed? Cullen? How many mages met his blade? How many templars? You are no more a murderer than they are. A problem? No, Lord Trevelyan was a problem.  Thomas, a problem. You did not bring these problems on. Eventually, Max would have been intertwined in the problems they created as well. You prevented that."

     Her sobs quieted. "I never got to thank you. I killed the one's who took your life. But it wasn't enough.  It didn't bring you back." She whispered. 

     "My death was not your fault. I chose to help you. I died fulfilling my oath. I protected you. I died with honor. Not many can say that."

     He lifted her face so that she could look into his eyes as he said, "you've carried the weight of your past for many years. It's time to let go Rowan. It's time to move forward. You cannot embrace your future if you are holding the past. Let go and don't look back."

     She smiled at him softly, "I've missed you." 

"I missed you my friend. But its time for you to go. I'm still watching over you. Even when you feel completely alone... I'm there."

       Her eyes flew open and she jolted awake. The fire still softly crackled. She couldn't have been asleep for very long. Bran's words ran through her mind. Maker and Creators she had been a fool.  Cullen would be so hurt to find her gone. She had to go back. She had to stop running.


	46. Bend the Knee

     Cullen had made good time. He wore light armor to make for faster traveling.  He wore his  mantle still to fight the cold of the Frostbacks. He had made it nearly to the base of the mountains when a light dusting of snow began. He groaned to himself and his  horse seemed to respond with a huff. 

      He'd been riding for hours and his horse needed a break. He dismounted and patted the beast on his nose. He fed him carrots while snowflakes dusted his hair.  His mind running with a million questions and scenarios. 

_What if she's hurt? What if she's been captured by red templars or Venatori? What if she hates him? What if he never sees her again?_

The last thought always made his stomach drop. He was about to mount his horse once again when he heard the sound of a rider approaching from around the corner of the mountain. He decided to wait and ask the traveler if they'd seen someone matching Rowan's description. 

     As the rider neared and turned the corner he noted the rider's hood was up to shield their head and face from the cold. A smaller rider, either a man of slight  build or a woman. Suddenly the rider stopped in the road. Cullen watched as the rider slowly pulled off her hood to reveal her face.

     Cullen took a step forward in relief, disbelief...shock...

     Rowan dismounted her horse and stood a few feet from him. Her eyes filled with unshed tears. They matched his own. They stood silently staring at one another for what felt like eternity. 

     She spoke uncertainly,  "I left and I was wrong.  I don't deserve your forgiveness but I still hope for it. I-"

     She was cut short by Cullen quickly closing the distance between them and crashing his lips to hers in a desperate all consuming kiss. He then pulled himself from her mouth and kissed her cheeks, her forehead, her lips, her cheeks again. "Maker Rowan you deserve everything I have and I would gladly give it to you to have you by my side."

     Then he held her against his chest, one hand behind her head, the other wrapped around her waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and murmured,  "I'm so sorry. I am a fool. I'm not running away from this.  From YOU. I love you Cullen. You are my future now. If you'll have me." 

     He pulled her back from him and stared deeply into her eyes. His face flashing with uncertainty as he seemed to be having some internal struggle. His face becoming firm and set with his decision. Suddenly, he dropped to one knee. The snow drifting softly around them, whirling and twirling in soft spirals as the wind carried them. Rowan's heart raced and her breath came in short quick bouts, she could hardly comprehend what was happening. 

     Cullen's honeyed eyes gazed into hers as he said, "Rowan Trevelyan.  I would do more than have  you.  Marry me."

     She stood in shock as this beautiful man was on one knee in front of her, small snowflakes dusting his golden hair. "I don't have a ring yet and I know it's sudden but I love you more than anything in this world. I'm not sure about a lot of things, but I know without a doubt you are who I want to spend the rest of my life with."

     She fell to her knees in front of him, a wide grin spreading across her face as she took her hands and cupped his face.  Bran's words ringing in her ears, _Let go and don't look back._

     "Yes Cullen a thousand times YES."

    He let out a laugh of relief and they kissed each other there on the ground in the snow. Finally he pulled himself and her off the ground. They dusted the snow from one another and smiled shyly at each other. "Maker you've taken me on wild ride Rowan."

     She smiled, "yes, but I want to be stable. I want a future with you. I'll need you to help me. This is all so new."

     He chuckled softly, "its new for me as well. I know stability only in military experience.  Everything else has always blown up. Literally.  We will help each other."

      She kissed him sweetly. "We have so much explaining to do with Max."

     Cullen hummed against her lips, "yes, how does 'Inquisitor,  I've located your sister and now we're engaged sound?'"

     "It sounds amazing" she said with a genuine laugh of happiness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up.... Max hears the news and Thomas has to face Cullen.


	47. Chapter 47

"Inquisitor! The Commander has returned with Lady Rowan. They await you in the Ambassador's office."

      "Thank the Maker he found her!" Max threw down his book and ran down the stairs leading from his room. He had been trying to keep himself busy by learning (or attempting to learn) more about ancient Tevinter. 

     He flew through the Ambassador's office doors and immediately spotted Rowan and Cullen speaking softly and closely. They both stopped and looked up at him with a slight expression of surprise.  

      "Row!" He threw his arms around her in a crushing bear hug that sent her laughing and struggling to breath. "Max, I need air"

      "Right! I'm sorry." He sighed deeply, "Rowan I am so sorry I reacted the way I did. I am not angry with you. I understand why you did it. Honestly,  you did what needed to be done, and it was something I'm not sure I could've carried out myself. Still taking care of me big sister I see."

     She smiled at him, "I knew it wouldn't be easy news for you to hear. I should've allowed you that time to sort through your feelings. I'm sorry I left. It will not happen again."

     Cullen cleared his throat, "Inquisitor there is something I would like to speak with you about.... alone please." Rowan looked at him with a questioning glance, then to Max. She nodded in agreement and stepped outside the door and closed it.

     "Commander, once again you've brought her back. I can't thank you enough."

      Cullen began fidgeting with his hands, then rubbed at his neck. "Well... perhaps you can keep that in mind. "

      Max arched a brow, "ok..... what is it Cullen?"

Cullen sighed and began pacing as he spoke. The words flooding out like a dam had broken in a rain storm. "I should've asked you first, you're her brother and the Inquisitor. I was planning to ask you I swear it but I got so caught up in the moment of seeing her I just couldn't help myself."

     He steadied himself, standing to full height and looking in Max's eyes, "I love her.  I would do anything for her.  Go anywhere for her. I will bring her back to Skyhold a thousand times if necessary.  I know I am a commoner,  I have no titles, no land... outside the Inquisition I am an ordinary man. But I swear I will love her and care for her-"

     Max held up his hand to stop Cullen's speech.

"There is no man in Thedas who I trust more than you. You are a good and honorable man. I would be proud to have you as a brother Cullen. I would rest easy knowing you will be marrying my sister."

     Cullen stood dumbstruck.  He had anticipated some degree of annoyance from Max. He hadn't asked for his blessing. This had gone far smoother than he'd ever hoped. Then Max hugged him slapping him on the back, "we're family now Cullen. Can borrow your mantle when I'm wanting to look fancy?"

     Cullen let out a laugh but his eyes shined with unshed tears. "Dorian would be so disgusted to see the Inquisitor in what he calls, 'the dead cat cloak.' "

     Max barked out a laugh, "well we can't upset the only Tevinter in the keep now can we?"

     "Rowan! Get in here! I want to congratulate you!"

She sheepishly opened the door and walked in with a lop sided grin, her cheeks burning red. 

    "So you know?"

"I do. I whole heartedly approve. All I ask is that you let me walk you down the aisle."

     She hugged him, "I'd have no one else." 

""Well! I'll leave you love birds to it then!" Max twirled on his heels and sauntered out.  

     Cullen grabbed Rowan's hands and smiled warmly, "you're sure you want to wake up to this face everyday for the rest of your life? "

     She huffed a light laugh. Waking up to his beautiful face was a dream. But of course, she couldn't let his ego get too big.....

      She traced his jaw and brushed her lips against his and said,  "well there's worse company I suppose." He smiled against her lips and she answered by kissing him slowly, taking her time. Relishing the feel of his warm lips against hers. They began to lose themselves in one another when a curt cough was heard. Josephine stood in the doorway clicking her nails against the clipboard. 

     "I am so happy to see you've returned Lady Rowan. But surely Cullen you can show the lady to your office?" 

     Cullen's face blushed from his neck to his hairline.  "Ah, y-yes of course Josie."

     He turned to open the door and Rowan squeezed his ass making him jump and turn an even deeper red. Josephine let out a girlish giggle and Rowan whistled lowly.  "My fiance is so  _firm._ Josephine, put that in the engagement announcement will you?"

      _"Maker's Breath you women."_ Cullen all but ran out of the office hearing Josephine and Rowan's laughter ringing behind him.


	48. Chapter 48

     

       

_Breath in...123...breath out...123...breath in..._

     Cullen tried to keep calm by practicing the meditation breathing Solas had shown him. He stood tall, broad, and intimidating next to the throne of the Inquisitor.  Max sat casually in his chair, like a cat who'd caught the canary.  Cullen couldn't understand how the man was so bloody  _Calm._

     Josephine announced to the hall, "Lord Thomas Bartrand of Orlais."

      Thomas walked in with a scowl upon his face. He marched up to the throne and slightly bowed. He then met Cullen's eyes with a challenging glare. Cullen gripped the helm of his sword so tightly he thought it would break off.  _Breath in 123.. breath out 123..._

     "Lord Thomas, you requested an audience?" Max said as casually as possible. 

    "Indeed I did Inquisitor.  It has come to my attention that your father has unexpectedly passed away.  I am curious, why have you not mourned?"

      "My father and I were not close. As it were, my priority is to save Thedas. Any mourning must wait. I'm sure you understand. "

    Thomas hummed in agreement.  "Your sister came to see me. I thought she was ill with the Commander's child?"

     Cullen's jaw clenched. Max waved off the remark, "ah yes, it seems our healers were wrong. She's not with child afterall. Mistakes were made."

      Thomas' face grew slightly red with anger. "And her marriage?" He threw his head in Cullen's direction.  

      "Well it seems the official wedding will be taking place soon. I'm sure the Ambassador's sending you an invitation. " Max said with a grin.

   "So its still an engagement then? Engagements are easily broken."

     "As are necks." Cullen dead panned.  

     Thomas was losing what little control he had. "Her father wanted her to marry  _Me._ Not some simple Fereldan commoner with a pretty face. You dishonor your father and family name if you do not honor his wishes."

     Max tapped his chair with his fingers rolling around his thoughts. "How would you know my father's wishes? He's a Marcher. You're Orlesian. I don't recall my father ever being involved with the Bartrand family."

     "No more games Inquisitor.  I am sure Rowan has told you everything. How can you sit on that throne and protect her like this?! She's a  _Murderer_.  If you knew what was good for Thedas you'd lock that bitch in a tower before she hurts anyone else."

       Max opened his mouth to defend his sister, but he didn't need to. He was impressed with just how FAST his Commander could move in all that armor. 

     Cullen closed the distance between himself and Thomas before anyone knew what exactly was happening.  His fist connected with  Thomas' mouth sending blood spurting to both sides of his face. Then, he grabbed him by his throat and  _Slammed_ him to the ground. His hand still around his throat as he growled,

     "If you ever speak of her like that again, I swear on the Holy Andraste I will rip your fucking throat out. Do we understand one another  _Lord fucking Bartrand_ or do you need another demonstration?"

     He gave his head a shove so that it hit the stone floor and he stood up, eyes blazing as he looked at Max. "Inquisitor,  my apologies if I interrupted your  _audience."_

Max's mouth hung open for a moment. Maker that man was scary when he was mad. "No apologies necessary.  Lord Thomas, do you have any other questions?"

      Thomas staggered to his feet covering his busted lip. He nodded a 'no'. 

     "Wonderful! I do hope we can keep our contract of trade?" 

     Thomas nodded a 'yes'. 

"Splendid! Well, I am sure you have  _No further business_ Here at Skyhold. I will make sure you receive your wedding invitation."

      Thomas bowed slightly and walked quickly out the door. Max sighed and looked at Cullen,

     "Well that went better than I expected.  You didn't kill him so that's a plus. I think you scared him half to death however."

      Cullen, standing straight and professional as always replied dryly, "yes. I think my interaction with nobility is really coming along."

     Josephine scoffed, "you're both HOPELESS. " 

* * *

 


	49. Happy Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and smut.

     Rowan was in the gardens speaking with  Dorian and Varric when a bloodied Thomas bolted past them. 

     "Huh, someone finally popped off too much to Curly it seems. " Varric muttered. 

      Rowan hummed an agreement.  "Thomas isn't used to not getting his way."

      Dorian sipped from his crystal glass which at this point Rowan thought was glued to his hand because she never saw him without it. "So tell us all the details my girl. How did the Commander propose? And when in the Maker's name is he getting you a ring?"

      Rowan giggled softly, "I don't think the proposal was something he'd planned to do. I'm sure a ring will come later." 

     She stood from her chair and sighed, "excuse me gentlemen,  I have some unfinished business to attend to."

      She walked across the gardens to the guest wing of Skyhold. She approached Thomas' door and knocked softly. 

     He opened the door, his eyes widened for a moment before composing his face. "What do you want?" 

    She was able now to see the source of the blood on his shirt. His lip had been busted open. No doubt by Cullen.....

      "Are you leaving?" She asked.

"As soon as my things are packed. "

      "Good. Then this is goodbye Thomas. I truly hope you've learned something from all this." She paused and said softer, "I knew a young man once. He was kinder and had dreams of the life he wanted. He wasn't so caught up in the games of nobility..... he liked to paint. Perhaps you can find him again. I hope you can. I hope you find some happiness.  Truly." 

      He stared at her for a moment, a look of sadness flashed through his eyes. Then a hard look replaced it. "You and the Commander deserve one another. Neither of you know your place. You made a terrible mistake.  You had the chance to be with me again. But this time, you could have been my wife, lived with the nobility,  bore children in comfort and peace knowing they'll be cared for. Instead, I leave here without you and I'll be the better for it." His words flew like venom. Bitter and hateful, but Rowan stood unfased. 

     "Oh Thomas... your lip is bleeding again." She smirked a little and patted his shoulder. "Goodbye Thomas." 

     She heard his door slam shut and she smiled as she looked to the sky, the sun warm on her face. She felt lighter than she could remember ever feeling. 

                ********************************

      Rowan sat in front of the mirror of her small vanity. She ran her fingers through her hair and dabbed the orange  blossom oil on her neck. She wore a light blush colored night slip. She sighed as she looked around the room. She'd missed it. The roaring fire and the way it lit up the room, casting warm colors and shadows. 

      She was brought from her thoughts at the sound of a soft knock at the door. She didn't need to ask who it was. "Come in Cullen."

      "Makes breath Rowan.... you look..."

"Tired?" She asked mischievously as she stood from her chair and walked towards him. 

      "No... you are a sight to behold after a long day." He wrapped his arms around her and inhaled deeply.  She smelled so sweet.

     "Take off that armor and relax Cullen."

      He didn't need to be told twice. She drew him a bath and allowed him some time to unwind. He exhaled loudly as he sunk into the large basin that was filled with hot water. She went to walk away but he grabbed her arm and peaked open an eye, "where are you going?" 

      "To pour some wine Commander. I'll be across the room." 

      He smiled up at her,  "good. Because I'm too comfortable to go chasing after you tonight.  I'll do it of course but I won't be happy about it."

     "Well we can't have that. You scowl enough as it is." 

      "Its not scowling.... its professionalism perfected."

         "Ha! How professional were you when you busted open Thomas' lip?"

      Cullen blushed slightly and slipped his head under the water momentarily.  

     Rowan laughed as she lightly grabbed his hair to pull him back up. He smiled boyishly and said, "so you heard...." 

     "Mmmm and saw... I'm sure he had it coming. "

     "That's an understatement my lady."

He finally pulled himself from the bath and wrapped a towel around his waist. Rowan couldn't help but let her eyes wonder over his body. Small drops of water dripped down his chest. His hair, despite him running his fingers through it again and again to smooth it,  was beginning to slightly curl. The man's body could have been modeled from a marble statue she'd seen in Orlais.  She was pulled from her thoughts by Cullen clearing his throat.

      "I'm sorry what was that Cullen?"

"Lady Rowan were you  _ogling_ me?" He feigned offense as he slipped under the sheets of the bed.

      She smiled shyly and bit her lip, "perhaps. You're a bit distracting. " She walked over to join him. Once in the bed he rolled over halfway atop her, his hands running down the side of her body to grip her thigh. 

   "You are quite the distraction yourself you know. Wearing this to bed could result in only one outcome." He smiled wickedly at her. She ran a hand down his firm chest and licked her lips, noticing how his eyes flicked to her mouth as she did.

     He looked at her for a moment and said, "Do you have any idea how much I missed you?" He kissed her softly along her jaw making his way down her neck. She arched her head back to give him access.

     "You'll never be without me again love. I swear it."

      He grinned against her skin as his hand ran under her nightgown. Suddenly he stopped much to Rowan's disappointment.  She pouted and he chuckled.  He turned to the table on his side of the bed and pulled a small velvet box from the drawer. He turned back to Rowan and spoke lowly,

     "I had asked Mia to send this weeks ago. Proposing to you was something I had been planning. I just wasn't sure when." He opened the box and pulled a simple gold ring from it. Engraved around the band was roses. "This was my mother's.  I know it's not much, and  I can get you something bigger if you'd like."

       Rowan's heart felt on the  verge of bursting.  "Cullen I  _Love it._ Don't you dare get something different.  It's perfect." 

      He smiled warmly as he placed the band around her finger. "I can't tell you how happy I am. Had someone told me that the girl that broke my nose upon meeting her would someday be my wife... well honestly I would have believed them because you won me over from the start" He said chuckling lightly. 

      Rowan groaned, "you'll never let me forget that will you?" 

      He took her  hand and kissed it, "never. "

He leaned down and kissed her softly. Their kiss deepened and soon his hands her roaming her body as she responded by doing the same to him. 

     He pulled her nightgown straps down off her shoulders and kissed each one. He crossed her collarbone and continued to work his way down her chest, to her stomach. She held her breath as he took one leg and kissed her inner thigh, then the other. Then he pulled her nightgown down and removed it completely.  

      She lay completely bare to him in the glow of the firelight. He sat between her legs gazing at her. "Maker you are so beautiful. " She inhaled sharply as he bent down and kissed her softly on the exact spot she'd been waiting for. She grasped his hair as he licked and kissed her wet heat. Just as she came close to her edge he pulled away and moved up her body slowly like a predator about to pounce on its prey. His eyes blown wide and dark. 

      Finally he met her lips with his own as he entered her slowly, filling her inch by torturous inch. Soon he picked up his pace and she was clutching his shoulders as he slammed into her. She cried out his name again and again as she fell over her peak and he roared into her as he found his. 

     He collapsed atop her, laying his head on her chest as she ran her fingers through his hair. She hummed in contentment.  She was happy. She was so  _so_ happy. He fell asleep in her arms but she stayed awake for sometime relishing the feel of  his weight on her. She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders. In a half sleep daze, he rolled over taking her with him. She lay on his chest now as he held her tightly.

      "I love you Cullen Rutherford. "

Silence greeted her but then a groggy,  "Maker I love you Rowan" Answered her. 

      She smiled. She knew she'd be doing a lot more of that now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan for this fic to be so long! But here we are finally at the end. I am thinking of starting a collection of short stories of married Cullen and Rowan. I just love them🤷♀️  
>  Thank you all who went on this wild ride with me. I appreciate all the comments and kudos more than you could know! And I love that I'm not the only Cullen fangirl in the world!


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